Fic: In the Family Way (6(b)/11)

[rusty_armour]

Title: In the Family Way (6(b)/11)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: McShep, Beckett/Other
Summary: Some are born into families; others create their own.
Word Count: 4,928
Category: Slash, MPreg, AU
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up to and including season three.
Disclaimer: Thou Shalt Not Steal. Even in the interest of fic. Most of these characters aren't mine. I, uh, borrowed them. Yeah.

---

On the morning of his birthday, Andrew woke around 5:00. As he didn't have a hockey practice, Carson muttered a sleepy "happy birthday" before sending him back to bed. Andrew managed to stay in his room until almost 6:00. Then he stood at the threshold of the living room until Carson said, "Oh, go on, then. Switch on the telly. I'll cook you an omelet."

It wasn't long before the aroma from the kitchen lured Rodney from the basement. As he stumbled towards the coffeemaker for his allotted cup of the day, he asked if Carson was making fritatas, and Carson rolled his eyes. Rodney stuck his head in the fridge and slapped a carton of cream and some grated parmesan cheese down beside the stove. Carson handed the cream back to Rodney, but added the parmesan cheese to the mixture in the pan.

Jeannie showed up just as Carson finished cooking breakfast, and Carson suspected that her timing was due to cunning strategy rather than chance. As Jeannie made her way to the coffeemaker, she leaned over Andrew's chair and kissed the top of his head, wishing him a happy birthday.

Although Jeannie asked them to slow down, Andrew and Rodney both wolfed down their omelets. Sighing, Jeannie left her own breakfast unfinished, going to the front hall to get Andrew's presents from the closet. When Rodney saw Jeannie place her gifts on the coffee table, he said, "Oh, yeah," and headed down to the basement. Carson simply sat on the couch, reached down between the one arm and the end table, and pulled out his own present.

As Andrew sat down beside him, he stared at the gift in surprise. "You got me a present too?"

"Och, of course I did, you daft little git," Carson said, ruffling Andrew's hair. He tossed a glance at Jeannie, and she smiled at him from the other side of the couch.

"I got him something too." Rodney reappeared from the basement carrying a large box covered in SpongeBob SquarePants wrapping paper. Andrew's face lit up as soon as he saw it and he couldn't seem to draw his eyes away from the box.

"Well, I think we know what present Andrew's going to open first," Jeannie said as Rodney set his gift down on the coffee table and flopped into the armchair.

Andrew, ignoring the sarcastic comment, began ripping the SpongeBob paper off the box. Then he stared at the present, transfixed. "PlayStation 2," he whispered reverently.

"I realize it isn't the latest version," Rodney said. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that it isn't even the second latest version, but I've heard it's still fairly -- Oomph!"

"Thank you!" Andrew had leapt into the armchair and thrown his arms around Rodney's neck.

"Oh, uh, you're welcome." Rodney blushed and hugged Andrew awkwardly.

"Hey, what's this?" Andrew asked, and Carson held his breath as Andrew patted Rodney's stomach. Then Andrew was reaching inside Rodney's housecoat and pulling out something wrapped in a Future Shop bag.

Jeannie frowned. "Rodney…"

Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "What? The kid needs something to play on it."

Andrew yanked a video game out of the Future Shop bag and clutched it excitedly in both hands. "It's NHL 08! It's the same game Sidney Yang has on Xbox!"

Rodney looked at Jeannie for guidance. "Is that good?"

"Yeah, that's good," Jeannie said.

Andrew ran back to the couch. "Mom, can I play it now?"

Jeannie laughed. "Why don't you open your other presents first?" When Andrew frowned, Jeannie said, "Maybe there'll be time before school."

Satisfied, Andrew sat back down on the couch and reached for one of Jeannie's presents.

Jeannie pushed his hand away gently. "No, open Carson's next."

"Okay." Remembering his grandmother, Andrew read the card before digging around in the gift bag for his present.

"I'm afraid your Uncle Rodney's gift is much more impressive than mine," Carson said, hoping to forestall any disappointment. However, Andrew grinned when he fished out an NHL's Greatest Goals DVD and a pair of hockey gloves. "Your mum said your gloves were a wee bit tight, so I thought I'd get you a new pair."

"Thanks, Carson," Andrew said.

Carson wrapped an arm around Andrew's shoulders and squeezed, pleasantly surprised when Andrew chose to return the hug.

"So, I guess it's my turn," Jeannie said, when everyone turned to her expectantly. "Or maybe you should wait till tonight," she added when Andrew reached for the card sitting on the table. "You know. Spread out your presents."

Andrew stared back at his mother in outrage. At first, Carson assumed that Jeannie was teasing her son, but then he realized that she was actually nervous.

Rodney crossed his arms and glared at his sister. "Come on, Jeannie, even I know better than to make a kid wait for his next birthday present."

Andrew copied his uncle's gesture and threw in a pout for good measure. "I want to open them now."

Jeannie sighed. "Well, fine."

Watching his mother warily, Andrew opened his card, reading it patiently before setting it back on the table and reaching for the larger box. But Jeannie was pressing the smaller gift into his hands.

"I know it doesn't look like much," Jeannie said, "but I think you'll…" She trailed off as Andrew tore the wrapping paper to shreds.

"Oh, cool!" Andrew cried. "It's a Gametime Toronto Maple Leafs Future Star Youth watch!"

"Oh, you've heard of it, then?" Jeannie asked, sounding amused.

Andrew nodded eagerly. "Yeah, Dylan and Kyle have one. The numbers glow in the dark!"

"Oh, really?" Rodney craned his neck in interest, and Andrew brought the watch over to the armchair for his inspection.

Andrew stood at Rodney's side for almost a full minute before his curiosity got the better of him and he was kneeling at the coffee table, grabbing his last present. Jeannie chewed her bottom lip anxiously as Andrew opened it, and Carson wondered what on earth it could be. Andrew seemed equally confused because when he lifted the red and white jersey out of the cardboard box, he simply stared at it, dumbfounded. Then he read the lettering on the jersey aloud. "Rougemont Hockey Camp?"

"Well, yeah," Jeannie said. "You're going to need it this summer if you're planning to go."

Andrew's big brown eyes grew wider and rounder than Carson had ever seen them. "I'm going to hockey camp?"

Jeannie had progressed to biting her knuckles. "Uh, I assume that's okay."

Andrew leapt to his feet, jumping up and down in excitement. "Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm going to hockey camp!" He barrelled into Jeannie, almost knocking the air from her lungs. "I love you! You're the best mom ever!"

Although Jeannie tried clearing her throat, her voice was still suspiciously rough. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."

"Like it? I love it!" Andrew planted a big messy kiss on Jeannie's cheek and then he was off the couch again. "Oh my God! I've got to tell Britney! I've got to tell everybody!"

"What? Now?" Jeannie said. "Can't it wait till you get to school?"

Andrew looked at Jeannie as if she were clinically insane then opened the front door, ready to leave the house clad only in his pyjamas.

Jeannie followed him to the door, laughing. "Andrew, at least put some shoes on, for heaven's sake!"

Andrew took just enough time to slip on his sneakers before he was out the door and running down the driveway.

"And look both ways before you cross the street, you crazy nut!" Jeannie shouted after him. When she closed the front door and turned back to the living room, she found Rodney standing there, staring at her. "What?" she asked.

"Jeannie, how are you paying for this?" Rodney demanded. "Hockey camp is almost as expensive as a computer. Some hockey camps are as expensive as a computer."

"Hockey camp isn't as expensive as a computer," Jeannie said, carefully avoiding Rodney's eyes. "Not a new computer, anyway. Besides, I made an arrangement with Rougemont, so it's covered."

"Oh, uh…" Suddenly, it was Rodney who had trouble making eye contact. "You're not planning to sleep with the president or the coach, are you?"

"What?" Jeannie punched Rodney in the arm.

"Ow! The baby!" Rodney cried, clutching his limb.

Jeannie rolled her eyes. "Hitting your arm isn't going to hurt the baby. Ask Carson."

"It's true," Carson said. "In fact, I was about to suggest that you whack him on the head. I think it would be much more effective."

Rodney backed away from Jeannie, shooting Carson a betrayed look. Jeannie remained rooted to the spot, though she looked as if she were tempted to follow Carson's advice.

"I meant an installment plan, you idiot," she said.

"Oh." Rodney rubbed his arm sullenly. "It's still a lot of money."

Jeannie moved over to the window and peered through the curtains. "I'll get another job eventually. I'll find a way to pay for it."

Rodney shook his head. "Jeannie, even if you get another job--"

"He's my son," Jeannie said. "He's totally worth it. And you saw how happy it made him. And, look, it's made Britney and Jamie happy too."

Both Rodney and Carson walked over to the window. Andrew, Britney and Jamie were dancing wildly in the driveway across the street.


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As Andrew's birthday had fallen on a Friday, Andrew had been allowed to invite a few friends over after school to watch movies, though they had spent more time on PlayStation 2. Jeannie had ordered pizza and bought a cake at Loblaws. It had been almost 9:30 by the time the last kid had gone home, and they had been able to start putting the house back together again. Carson had been amazed when Andrew had offered to help clean up, though he suspected it was an excuse to stay up later. As Andrew still hadn't come down from his sugar high, Jeannie had relented.

"Mom," Andrew said, as he picked up a stray napkin from the coffee table, "why does Uncle Rodney always go down to the basement when we have company?"

Jeannie froze in mid-bend then straightened, ignoring the paper plate with the cake crumbs and icing smeared on it. "Oh, uh…"

Carson quickly came to her rescue. "Andrew, do you remember what I told you about your Uncle Rodney?"

Andrew's forehead creased. "Yeah, you said he had a medical condition and his body was changing. That's why he's getting fatter, right?"

Carson smiled. "Well, I wouldn't use the word 'fatter' in front of your uncle, but, yes, that's essentially what's happening." Carson stared at the stack of glasses in his hands and, feeling silly, he deposited them in the dishwasher before returning to the living room. "Because your uncle's getting, uh, fatter, he's rather sensitive about his appearance."

"You mean, he thinks people are going to make fun of him?" Andrew asked.

Carson cast a quick glance at Jeannie, who nodded her approval. "Uh, yes, I suppose that's part of it."

"That's stupid," Andrew said. "My teacher, Ms. Singh, says that what matters is on the inside not the outside."

Jeannie dropped the plastic bag she had been using to collect garbage and sat down on the couch. "Ms. Singh is absolutely right, and not just because she's your teacher. But it's because of what's on the inside that your Uncle Rodney is changing on the outside."

"Huh?" Andrew said, now thoroughly confused.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Rodney stomped into the living room and stood in front of Andrew, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Look, kid, it's like this. I've got a medical condition, a rare medical condition. In fact, it's so rare that I can't tell anyone about it. I told you I worked for the United States Air Force, right?" Rodney asked, and Andrew grinned. "Well, I contracted the medical condition during the course of my, uh, employment with them, so, because I signed a confidentiality agreement, I have to keep my condition a secret from the general public."

"Oh," Andrew said. "But if you're supposed to keep it a secret shouldn't you be in a secret underground base or something?"

"That's exactly what I didn't want. If the military had their way, I could be shuffled into some lab, or locked away forever." At Andrew's horrified look, Rodney nodded in smug satisfaction. "Oh, yes, it's that serious."

"Holy crap," Andrew whispered. Then he jumped when the doorbell rang. "It's them!" he shouted. "Run, Uncle Rodney! Hide!" He shoved Rodney towards the stairs, and Rodney didn't think twice about disappearing into the basement.

"Uh, I'll get it," Carson said, as Jeannie seemed to be caught up in the drama that was unfolding in her living room. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see a dark-haired man glaring at him from the front stoop.

"So, you're the guy who's shacked up with Jeannie."

"What?" Carson gasped, but the man shoved past him and barged into the living room.

Jeannie was on her feet in an instant. "Chris, what the hell are you doing here?"

"It's my son's birthday," Chris said. "What the hell do you think?"

Jeannie crossed her arms tightly. "It's a little late for a visit."

Chris scowled and glanced at Andrew. "If it's so late then why's he still up?" Jeannie opened her mouth to answer, but Chris ignored her, marching up to Andrew and thrusting a gift bag into his hands. "Happy birthday, Andrew."

Andrew, who had been watching both his parents in trepidation, accepted both the gift and a hug from his father. "Dad, you don't work for the Air Force, do you?"

Chris drew back in surprise. "What? No. What gave you that idea?" He was looking straight at Jeannie, who was standing by the coffee table with her hands on her hips. "Go ahead and open your present. If you wait much longer, it won't be your birthday anymore."

"Uh, okay." Andrew reached into the bag and pulled out a large black binder and what looked like several packs of hockey cards. "Cool! Thanks, Dad!"

Chris ruffled his hair. "You're welcome." He glanced at Jeannie again. "I think it's time you went to bed. It's pretty late and I need to talk to your mom in private."

"Are you going to fight?" Andrew asked, looking from one parent to another nervously.

Chris laughed, but it was a hollow sound. "Of course we're not going to fight."

Jeannie snorted but made no other attempt to refute her ex-husband's statement. She kissed Andrew's forehead and sent him to bed.

Once they heard Andrew's door close, Chris eyed Carson coldly. "I know this man's living here. My mother told me that he was bragging about it."

"I was not!" Carson protested.

"But you are living here," Chris said, poking Carson in the chest.

Jeannie grabbed his hand and pulled it away. "Yes, Carson's living here, but it's not what you think."

Chris laughed again, but this time it sounded unpleasant. "I wasn't born yesterday, Jeannie. I know he isn't here to 'mow your lawn,' unless that's some euphemism for sex I haven't heard of."

Before Carson realized what he was doing, he had grabbed a fistful of Chris's shirt and their faces were barely inches apart.

Jeannie touched his shoulder. "Let him go, Carson." When Carson shook his head, she rubbed his back gently. "Please, Carson. Let him go."

Carson released Chris with a snarl, and Chris almost landed on the coffee table. Chris thrust his finger at Carson again, but this time he was careful not to get too close. "I'm going to have you arrested for assault," he said. "When I finish with you, you're going to wish you'd never met Jeannie."

"If you have Carson arrested for assault, I'm going to tell the cops that you provoked him and report you for being a dead-beat dad." Rodney was standing at the top of the stairs, a glint of fury in his eyes. When Chris spun around, Rodney smiled at him in the same way he smiled at scientists before tearing into them. "Hello, Chris."

Chris stared at Rodney. "You. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, didn't your mother tell you? I'm living here too. That's why Carson's here, actually. He's my doctor." Rodney tutted at Chris's look of surprise. "Your nosy mother really should get her facts straight before ratting on people." He raised his chin and studied Chris for a moment before shaking his head. "Stupidity must run in your family. I guess it's a good thing Andrew gets his brains from his mother's side."

Chris's face flushed, and Carson was afraid they might have to call the police after all, but then Chris took a deep breath and released it with a shaky laugh. "So, what's wrong with you, Rodney? Besides being older, balder and fatter? Are you dying?"

Rodney thought about it for a few seconds and then nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am dying," he said. "See the way my belly is swelling? That's not fat. It's a tumour."

Chris's jaw dropped. "You're kidding."

"Would I kid about a thing like that?" Rodney sighed dramatically. "It's a tumour, Chris, and it's growing."

Chris gulped. "Growing?"

"Oh, yes," Rodney said, warming to his subject. "And when it gets big enough, it's going to explode."

"Explode!"

"Well, that's what it is, you see. An exploding tumour." Rodney beckoned Chris closer, lowering his voice. "That's why I've been spending so much time in the basement. We're hoping it will minimize the damage in case I go off prematurely."

Chris's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "Oh my God!"

Rodney patted Chris's shoulder. "It's okay. I'm sure I'll get to the hospital in time, though Carson did lay down some sandbags just in case."

"Sandbags?" Chris turned to Jeannie and Carson, but they both had their backs to him. "It's getting late. I should go." He glanced at Rodney's belly and shuddered. "Uh, goodnight, everybody."

"Goodnight, Chris," Rodney said cheerfully.

As neither Jeannie nor Carson trusted themselves to speak, they simply waved. As soon as Chris's car pulled out of the driveway, they both fell down on the couch, laughing. They laughed so hard that tears rolled down their cheeks and their stomachs cramped. Jeannie curled around the arm of the couch, whimpering pitifully, while Carson lay back against the cushions, limp and exhausted. When Carson could summon enough energy to open his eyes, he saw Rodney and Andrew standing on the other side of the living room, watching him and Jeannie warily.

"I'm sorry," Carson said weakly, "but an exploding tumour? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"


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Rodney knew it was ridiculous, but he just couldn't leave the Pegasus Galaxy without talking to his ascended Ancient first. He had tried calling out to her from the privacy of his quarters, but, as she wasn't the Great Gazoo, she hadn't instantly popped up in front of him. From what little Rodney knew about ascended beings, he had a feeling they weren't accustomed to being summoned by mere mortals. However, Rodney suspected that his ascended Ancient might put in an appearance if he returned to the place where he'd first met her: the lab on Creseda. That was how Rodney found himself sitting in Elizabeth's office trying to argue the merits of returning to the planet.

"I just need to tie up some loose ends," he said. "I can be there and back again in a few hours."

"I thought you said the lab was a bust, that there wasn't anything useful on the database." Elizabeth's chin was propped on her hands and she was gazing at Rodney thoughtfully.

Rodney shifted uncomfortably in his chair and tried to focus on anything but the pair of hazel eyes on the other side of the desk: eyes that knew him all too well. "I may have been a little hasty. After all, I had to leave the lab before I could finish studying all the data."

"Oh," Elizabeth said. "Well, in that case, maybe you should return to Creseda."

Rodney's head shot up. "Really?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Certainly, if you think it's important."

Rodney nodded vigorously. "It is. It is important."

"Okay, then. That's good enough for me." Elizabeth leaned back in her chair, folding her hands on the desk. "When would you like to leave?"

"As soon as possible," Rodney said.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, but made no further comment. "You can go once Major Lorne's team has returned from the mainland. We're expecting them back this afternoon."

Rodney released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "This afternoon would be great."

"Take a couple of Marines with you," Elizabeth said.

"Ah, Elizabeth, do I have to?" Rodney had been hoping to return to the lab alone. It was a little difficult to have a private conversation with an ascended being when there were a couple of Marines breathing down your neck. "Uh, I don't suppose I could take Teyla and Ronon instead?" Rodney asked. He knew that if he fiddled around with the database long enough, Teyla and Ronon would get bored, wander out of the lab, and do whatever they normally did when he was working. Rodney wasn't exactly sure what that was as he'd never really paid much attention.

Elizabeth had picked up the silver pocket watch on her desk and was playing with the chain. "Teyla and Ronon would be fine," she said.

Rodney grinned, hardly believing his luck. Usually, Elizabeth didn't give in so easily. "Well, I guess that's settled, then. Thanks, Elizabeth." He rose from his chair, surprised when Elizabeth followed suit. He was even more surprised when Elizabeth walked around the desk to draw him into a hug.

"Be careful, okay?" she said.

"Uh, sure. Aren't I always?" Rodney rested his chin on Elizabeth's shoulder and wondered why she was so concerned about his welfare.

It wasn't until he was halfway to the labs, that Rodney realized Carson must have finally talked to Elizabeth. It would explain why she had just handled him with kid gloves back in her office. Carson must have really laid it on thick. It was either that or Elizabeth assumed that Carson's diagnosis of nervous exhaustion meant that her chief scientist had already cracked under the pressure.

Teyla and Ronon weren't much better. They had started hovering when Sheppard had left and had turned into downright mother hens when they thought Rodney was sick. Rodney suspected that Carson might have talked to them because they were still acting like mother hens, even though Rodney had told them that he'd recovered from the "stomach bug". When they accompanied Rodney to Creseda, he began to wish he'd taken the Marines instead because no matter what Rodney did they refused to let him out of their sight.

"Okay," Rodney said at last, "I have a little confession to make. I didn't come here to study the Cresedan database."

Teyla and Ronon exchanged a glance and smiled. "We know," they said.

"What? How?" Rodney sputtered. He knew his face was like an open book, but Elizabeth had seemed convinced by his story, so he had just assumed that Teyla and Ronon had bought it too. Why else would they have agreed to come along?

Teyla placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I know how much you miss John and that your memories of him must bring you some comfort," she said. "That is why it is only natural that you should wish to return here: to remember that first kiss."

Rodney jerked away from Teyla's hand as if he'd been burnt. "How do you know about that?"

Teyla looked at Ronon and the Satedan shrugged. "I had to talk to somebody about it," Ronon said, "and I knew Teyla would be discreet."

Rodney groaned. "Well, just don't tell anyone else, okay?"

"We promise," Teyla said, and she pressed her hand to her chest in what Rodney assumed was the Athosian version of "cross my heart and hope to die". Then Teyla's hand was back on Rodney's shoulder. "I suspected that something had happened between you both before Ronon confided in me. I could see how happy John was during his last few days on Atlantis, yet there was a sadness too. It was as if he knew that he would be leaving more than just his home and his friends, but something infinitely precious."

Rodney blushed and Ronon looked like he was going to laugh just before Teyla sent a sharp elbow to his ribs.

"Of course, now that John has so much more at stake, I am sure he has all the motivation he needs to carry out his current assignment successfully and return to Atlantis as soon as possible." Teyla smiled warmly, and Rodney couldn't help returning it.

"Thanks, Teyla," Rodney said.

Teyla reached out and squeezed Rodney's hand. "I hope that what you now share with John will also give you the incentive to recover and return to Atlantis quickly."

Rodney could feel his cheeks burning again. "Carson did tell you."

"No," Ronon said. "Elizabeth did."

Oh, great, Rodney thought. Now they also think I'm cuckoo. Then something even more alarming occurred to him. "Elizabeth doesn't know about, uh, me and Sheppard, does she…?"

Teyla regarded him with a distinct air of disapproval. "No, of course not. I would never betray such a confidence."

Ronon slapped Rodney on the back. "I wouldn’t either, buddy."

Rodney stumbled slightly, but managed to stay on his feet. "No, no, of course you wouldn't. I…I should have known better than to ask."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence, and then Teyla was grabbing Ronon's arm and herding him towards the door. "I am sure Rodney would appreciate some time alone." She tossed a glance over her shoulder. "We will be just outside if you should need us."

Rodney nodded, feeling self-conscious. "This shouldn’t take long."

"Take all the time you need," Teyla said.

Once the door closed, Rodney scanned the room, but he couldn't see any sign of the ascended woman.

"Uh, hi," he said. "It's me, Rodney. The guy you knocked up."

Rodney looked around the lab again, but he still couldn't see her. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I'm just going to keep talking in case you can." Rodney walked over to one of the computer consoles and ran his fingers along the surface. "I'm going to be leaving the Pegasus Galaxy for a while, but I will be returning. It's not as if I'm planning to kidnap the baby." He laughed nervously. "I'm afraid that if I stay here, someone might try to take the baby, so I'm going to Earth, to Canada. That's where I'm from."

Rodney gave up any pretense of examining the computer console and gazed up at the ceiling. "I'm not sure if I've said this before during our many one-sided conversations, but I'm flattered that you would choose me. Of course, I'm assuming you had a choice in the matter when maybe you didn't. Well, whether you did or not, it's still an honour to be…to be the mother of your child." As soon as Rodney said that last part, he winced and shook his head in disgust. "'Mother of your child'?" he repeated to himself. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, but ever since he had discovered he was pregnant, it seemed like a dozen different emotions were jostling inside his head.

Rodney moved away from the computer console and sat down heavily on the stairs. "Okay, I'll admit that I wasn't exactly thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. Terrified, yes. Thrilled? Not so much." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I think I must have known, on an unconscious level, that you did more than heal me after I fell," he said. "Carson thinks that I didn't come to see him when I first started experiencing symptoms because I was depressed about Sheppard leaving, but I think I was trying to avoid the inevitable." Rodney smiled to himself. "I knew that whatever I had was more serious than a stomach bug, but I continued to turn a blind eye to my condition. Even after I was dragged into the infirmary, I still insisted that it was a stomach bug." Rodney rubbed his face wearily. "Considering that my method for dealing with serious problems is denial and avoidance, I'd understand if you starting having second thoughts about me."

Unable to keep still any longer, Rodney sprang up from the stairs. "I'm terrible with children, so I can only imagine how disastrous it would be if I tried to raise one." He gestured helplessly at the ceiling. "I've killed every houseplant I ever had because I always forgot to water them, though I did manage to keep my cat alive. Of course, a cat will always let you know when its hungry -- usually while it's standing on your chest at 4:00 in the morning."

Rodney sighed and began to head towards the door. "You know, my friend Teyla is just outside. I'm sure she would make a wonderful mother and, hey, she's a woman, so that's a plus." Rodney took one last desperate look around the lab. "Uh, did I mention that she's just outside?"


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