Fic: Dogsbody (3/13)
May. 13th, 2010 09:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rusty_armourTitle: Dogsbody (3/13)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: Lester/Quinn
Summary: Lester is forced to depend on the people around him when he finds himself in a strange and startling predicament.
Word Count: 1,805
Rating: Slash, PG-13
Spoilers: S3 in general
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or the shiny prehistoric creatures. I just played with them for a while and then returned them to the toy chest.
A/N: I was inspired to write this fic after reading
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
knitekat’s Under the Moonlight, the first story in the Under the Moonlight wolfverse. Although I had intended to post this as a serial, the original plan was to finish the story first, as I swore to myself that I wouldn’t commit another crime of WIP. However, as so often happens, this story ended up being longer and more complicated than I’d imagined. Reality has also been rearing its ugly head and there are other commitments I can’t put off any longer, so…WIP. Well, at least this time, a large portion of the story has already been written, so I think most of the posts should be delivered in a timely fashion. This is a sequel to Ps & Qs and Better Late Than Never, though this could probably be read as a stand-alone. As you’ll quickly realize, this story is complete crack and unapologetically self-indulgent. I’ve had a lot of fun writing this – probably too much fun. *g*
I’d like to give a big thanks to
lukadreaming for the Brit-check beta.
Abby insisted that they stop for dog food. Lester waited in the front passenger seat of the Mini while Abby and Connor went into the pet shop. When Abby and Connor emerged ten minutes later, they weren’t just carrying dog food but a large bone and a dog bed as well. Lester wondered how all of that was going to fit inside Abby’s tiny car. Then he wondered if they expected him to pay for the items that weren’t included on the list.
Abby smiled sweetly at Lester as she returned to the driver’s seat. “Consider it a Christmas present…or a birthday present – whatever comes first.”
“Christmas comes first,” Connor said before Lester caught sight of him in the rear-view mirror slapping both hands over his mouth.
So, Connor had hacked into the files. Lester decided that if he ever managed to return to human form, he and Connor were going to have a little chat. Perhaps Connor sensed this because he didn’t say another word for the rest of the journey.
When they reached the ARC, Lester tried to head for his office, but Abby grabbed him by the scruff of the neck before he could reach the ramp.
“Check-up first,” Abby said. Ignoring the growls, she spun Lester around and herded him to her lab.
As plants covered almost every available surface in the lab, Lester wondered if Abby would be conducting her examination on the floor. Then Abby was clearing space, and Connor was lifting Lester on to a table before Lester could bark in protest. Abby checked Lester’s ears, nose, mouth and throat. She even ran her hands along his sides and took a look at his paws, pressing down on the pads with her fingers.
When Abby was finally satisfied with her examination, she nodded to Connor, who reached out to lift Lester off the table. That was when Danny barged into the lab.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were back?” Danny said. “What took you so long?” His eyes moved around the lab as if he were looking for something. “Where’s Lester? I thought you said you’d found him.”
Abby and Connor exchanged a meaningful glance before their eyes fell on the German shepherd sitting on the table.
“Uh, what’s with the dog?” Danny asked.
Abby bit her lip. “It’s Lester.”
Danny’s forehead creased. “What’s Lester?”
“The dog,” Connor said. “The dog is Lester.”
Danny crossed his arms impatiently. “No, seriously. Where is he?”
It took several minutes to explain the situation. In the end, Connor had to give Lester the alphabet blocks before Danny would believe them. Then Danny was ushering them to the meeting room and calling Sarah and Becker.
When Sarah arrived in the meeting room, she immediately began cooing over the German shepherd. Abby had to break the news to her that it was Lester, as Connor was laughing too hard. After that, Sarah sat as far away from Lester as she could, though she kept shooting furtive glances at him whenever she thought he wasn’t looking. Becker took it all in his stride, as if it were perfectly natural to have a boss whose mind had been transferred into a German shepherd. As for Lester, he climbed on to the table, closest to where Abby was sitting, and glared at everyone. He might have gone and sat near his lover, but Danny still seemed pretty freaked out and was refusing to look Lester directly in the eye.
“Right,” Abby said when everyone was seated. “I think it might be easiest if I filled everyone in on what Lester told us and then he can cover anything I missed.” She looked at Lester. “Does that sound okay?”
Lester barked once in affirmation.
“One bark means ‘yes’ and two barks mean ‘no’,” Connor explained.
Sarah leaned forward eagerly. “How do you know that? I mean, how do you communicate with him?”
Connor tapped on the tub of alphabet blocks in front of him.
“Oh,” Sarah said, “so that’s what they’re for.”
“You mean he spells out sentences?” Becker asked. “With his paws?”
Lester sighed, though it sounded more like a whine coming from a German shepherd, and padded over to Connor, who was already prying the lid off the tub of alphabet blocks. It took a minute, but Becker got his answer.
YES YOU THICK PRAT
Danny laughed. “There’s no need to be rude, boss.”
YOU TRY BEING A BLOODY DOG AND SEE HW YU LIKE IT
“‘Hw yu like it’?” Danny asked.
RAN OUT OF OS
Sarah stared at Lester in wonder. “This is fascinating.”
NOT FROM WHERE IM SITTING
“No, I suppose not,” Sarah said.
Abby cleared her throat. “I hate to interrupt, but do you think we can get on with this? The sooner we’re all on the same page, the sooner we can fix this.”
Lester barked.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Abby said.
Lester barked again and thumped his tail for good measure.
“Right.” Abby took a deep breath and told Lester’s story. Lester kept his eyes on Abby as she did so – not because he didn’t trust her with the details, but because he didn’t want to see the inevitable smiles, titters, and other amused reactions that would come from everyone else. But, then, he heard Danny swear under his breath and was surprised by the angry expression on his face. Lester had been sure that Danny would be the first person to see the humour in the situation.
“We’ve got to find Helen…Anna – whatever her name is – ASAP,” Danny said. “That should be our priority.”
Becker nodded. “If we can track her down, we can force her to…to reverse the process.”
“But if she’s from a parallel universe, she could have disappeared through an anomaly, never to be seen again,” Connor said.
Lester growled and Abby gave Connor a scathing look.
Connor laughed nervously. “Of course, we might be able to find her lab if it’s in our world.”
“It stands to reason,” Danny said. “She would have needed to spend time here in order to locate Lester and watch his movements.” Danny glanced at Lester. “How long do you think you were unconscious for when she drugged you?”
Lester tilted his head, considering Danny’s question carefully. It had been fairly late at night when Anna had taken him, but he had been back in his flat by morning.
NOT LONG
MAYBE COUPLE HOURS
“That wouldn’t have given her a lot of time,” Becker said. “She probably chose somewhere close to Lester’s place.”
Danny rose from the table. “We should go to Lester’s flat, see if we can find any clues, re-trace her steps.” He met Lester’s eyes. “Assuming that’s okay with you, guv.”
Lester gave a bark of consent and was about to jump off the table to follow Danny and Becker, but Abby placed a hand on his back and shook her head.
Lester felt his hackles rise. I may be a dog, but I’m still your boss.
“We don’t know what kind of side effects you might have from this procedure,” Abby said. “I think you should take it easy and let me monitor you – just to be on the safe side.”
Monitor me? I don’t need a bloody babysitter, dog or not!
Abby reached up and began scratching behind Lester’s ears.
Oh, hell, Lester thought, before his tail started wagging and he found himself leaning into Abby’s hand.
Danny laughed. “That’s a good trick. Too bad it doesn’t work when he’s human.” He stretched out his hand to pet Lester’s head, and Lester snapped at his fingers. Danny leapt back with a yelp. “Bad dog!”
Lester bared his teeth in what he hoped was the approximation of a grin and wagged his tail again. You don’t know the half of it.
Lester knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, but he had hoped that at least a few more hours might go by before someone – namely his secretary – pushed a bowl of dog food under his nose. Lester glared at Abby, knowing full well that she’d enlisted Lorraine’s help, but Abby didn’t look at all repentant. She simply crossed her arms and favoured Lester with a frosty look of her own.
Lester tried to appeal to Lorraine with what he assumed were his big brown doggy eyes, but she wasn’t having any of it.
“You have to eat, sir,” Lorraine said. “You won’t be any help to anyone if you waste away.”
I’m no help to anyone now!
Lorraine crouched down, pushing the bowl of dog food closer to Lester’s dog bed. “Come on. Just try a little bit. It can’t hurt to try a little bit, can it?”
Fat lot you know, Lester thought.
Abby sighed from her stool at the table. “It’s not the eating itself that’s the problem. It’s the part after that.”
Lorraine’s brow furrowed. “The part after that? Oh…”
“Yeah, ‘oh’,” Abby said. “I’ve tried explaining that I used to be a zookeeper and that I’ve cleaned up all kinds of poo, but that doesn’t seem to make a difference.”
“I see.” Lorraine gazed at Lester sternly, and it was the same expression he’d seen on her face whenever he skipped lunch or she thought he was working too hard. “You’re being very silly, sir. It’s just poo – and it’s not even your poo. Not really. You just happen to be inside the dog that’s producing it.”
You’re still not convincing me.
“What if she turned her back?” Lorraine asked.
“Or I could go back afterwards and scoop up the poo.” Abby jumped down from the stool and knelt beside Lorraine. “It wouldn’t be any trouble. I mean, compared to cleaning up after an elephant…”
Oh, for God’s sake. Lester stuck his muzzle in the bowl and took his first bite of dog food. Then he took a second, third and fourth bite before proceeding to wolf down the rest of the food.
“Oh, good boy!” Lorraine cried. Then, when Abby coughed, she blushed and tried again. “I meant ‘good boss’. Good job, boss.”
As Lester was still eating, he favoured Lorraine with a brief snort before lowering his head again.
“Wow,” Lorraine said. “He really likes it.”
“That and he’s hungry. He probably didn’t realize how hungry until he started eating.” Abby tugged gently on one of Lester’s ears. “Hey, you might want some water with that.”
As Lester had just devoured the last morsel of food, he decided to heed Abby’s advice. The water was cold and refreshing and it made Lester realize that he was thirsty as well. When he raised his head from the water bowl, both Abby and Lorraine were watching him expectantly.
Very well. Let’s get this over with. Lester rose from his dog bed and stretched, before following Abby down the corridor.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 06:26 am (UTC)This whole dog-thing is frighteningly convincing too.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 03:25 pm (UTC)I'm happy you enjoyed the poo-debate, which was absolutely ridiculous but fun to write. *g* I'm also happy you think the dog-thing is convincing. As you probably know, I'm a cat person, so my knowledge of dogs is rather limited. I mean, I've looked after dogs before and I've been around them, but that's not the same as having dogs as pets. Anywaaaay, I'm glad you think it works. :-)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 09:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 10:01 am (UTC)I as laughing sooo hard at that!
Lester as a dog is absolutely brilliant!! The whole thing is a delight to read.
Love the way he reacts to being scritched behind the ears, and Danny's comments about that. And the poo conversation was funny. Poor Lester.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 04:54 pm (UTC)I as laughing sooo hard at that!
Oh, cool! I'm glad it gave you a good laugh! :-) Lester literally did run out of o's as I decided that the same letter should only appear on the alphabet blocks four times -- based on some very rough calculations in terms of how many blocks come in a set, etc. I actually didn't realize that Lester had used too many o's until I was typing out the scene and checked the letter count. That was when a tiny re-write was necessary. *g*
Lester as a dog is absolutely brilliant!! The whole thing is a delight to read.
I'm so happy that you've enjoyed seeing Lester as a dog! :-) This story has been so much fun to write, especially in terms of Lester having to deal with his condition.
Love the way he reacts to being scritched behind the ears, and Danny's comments about that.
Well, it seemed to me that dogs loved being scritched behind the ears, etc., so I thought that it might be something that Lester wouldn't be able to resist, especially as he's sharing a brain with an actual dog. And, yes, I knew Danny couldn't let that go without making some kind of comment. *g*
And the poo conversation was funny. Poor Lester.
I'm glad you liked the poo conversation! I should probably feel guilty about poor Lester, but I've just been having too much fun! *g*
no subject
Date: 2010-05-14 07:40 pm (UTC)Brilliant! This is so hilarious, but not in a cracky way, if that makes sense. I love how your writing all the characters, and dealing with Lester's reactions to the whole matter.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 12:22 am (UTC)I wasn't expecting this line to be so popular! I'm thrilled it gave you a laugh! :-)
Brilliant! This is so hilarious, but not in a cracky way, if that makes sense.
Thank you very much,
I love how your writing all the characters, and dealing with Lester's reactions to the whole matter.
I'm glad to hear that you like the way the characters are being written. Part of the fun has been exploring how the other characters might react to Lester and his problem. I've particularly enjoyed writing Abby and Connor as they didn't get a lot of screen time in the previous two stories.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 10:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 11:04 pm (UTC)Thanks,
Love that Lester as the dog can still snark. *purrs*
I think I would have been forced to abandon the story if Lester hadn't been able to snark as a dog. It's no fun writing him if the snark factor isn't there. *g*
It's awesome you commented with your wolf icon btw! :-)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 06:03 pm (UTC)My favourite line:
“Oh, good boy!” Lorraine cried. Then, when Abby coughed, she blushed and tried again. “I meant ‘good boss’. Good job, boss.”
Hee! I also agree that running out of Os and Ss is hilarious! I'm impressed that you worked it out! Little details like that add so much to the story!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 11:16 pm (UTC)Yeah, having someone clean up after you would be pretty harsh. I know I'd have a hard time handling it if I were in his, uh, paws. *g*
My favourite line:
“Oh, good boy!” Lorraine cried. Then, when Abby coughed, she blushed and tried again. “I meant ‘good boss’. Good job, boss.”
Ooooh! Thanks! I'm glad you like that line! :-) I wasn't sure if anyone would find it funny or not.
Hee! I also agree that running out of Os and Ss is hilarious! I'm impressed that you worked it out! Little details like that add so much to the story!
Well, we'll have to see if I can keep it up. I've been trying to maintain a letter tally whenever Lester communicates with the blocks, but I have a tiny brain and suck at math. *g* Anywaaaaaaay, I'm happy you think little details like that add to the story. Thanks for taking the time to read and review,
no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 12:31 am (UTC)Like everyone else I liked the RAN OUT OF OS part.
Still I hope they find Anna soon and Lester's transformation will be reversed.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 12:54 am (UTC)No, he certainly doesn't. No chance at all, I'm afraid. *g*
Like everyone else I liked the RAN OUT OF OS part.
Oh, thank you! I'm glad you liked that line! :-)
Still I hope they find Anna soon and Lester's transformation will be reversed.
I can't say what will happen, but there's always a chance that Lester can be saved. *g* Thanks for reading and reviewing,
no subject
Date: 2010-05-21 07:52 pm (UTC)Soooooo cute and funny and downright bloody hilarious!
Becker took it all in his stride, as if it were perfectly natural to have a boss whose mind had been transferred into a German shepherd. As for Lester, he climbed on to the table, closest to where Abby was sitting, and glared at everyone. He might have gone and sat near his lover, but Danny still seemed pretty freaked out and was refusing to look Lester directly in the eye.
Oh! Heart-breaking. Danny is definitely taking it hard.
“‘Hw yu like it’?” Danny asked.
RAN OUT OF OS
I laughed so hard *g*
“Oh, good boy!” Lorraine cried. Then, when Abby coughed, she blushed and tried again. “I meant ‘good boss’. Good job, boss.”
*sporfle*
Awww, poor Lester. I really want him to get back to normal! I love this.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-21 08:39 pm (UTC)Soooooo cute and funny and downright bloody hilarious!
You're completely spoiling me! You know that, right? *g* Thank you very much,
Becker took it all in his stride, as if it were perfectly natural to have a boss whose mind had been transferred into a German shepherd. As for Lester, he climbed on to the table, closest to where Abby was sitting, and glared at everyone. He might have gone and sat near his lover, but Danny still seemed pretty freaked out and was refusing to look Lester directly in the eye.
Oh! Heart-breaking. Danny is definitely taking it hard.
I figured that Danny would probably have the hardest time adjusting to all of this. I mean, this is his lover we're talking about. Well, I'm glad you see it as Danny taking it hard. I've been afraid people might think he was being cold or mean.
“‘Hw yu like it’?” Danny asked.
RAN OUT OF OS
I laughed so hard *g*
I had no idea the "RAN OUT OF OS" line would be this popular! I'm glad it gave you a good laugh! :-)
“Oh, good boy!” Lorraine cried. Then, when Abby coughed, she blushed and tried again. “I meant ‘good boss’. Good job, boss.”
*sporfle*
Awww, poor Lester. I really want him to get back to normal! I love this.
Thankfully, I think Lester was too occupied with his meal to notice Lorraine's slip. *g* Well, I can't tell you what's going to happen, but I hope you'll enjoy the remaining parts. Thank you so much for your very generous feedback and for taking the time to read this in the first place. :-D
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Date: 2010-05-28 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 02:31 pm (UTC)So perfectly in character!
no subject
Date: 2010-06-01 03:20 pm (UTC)