Fic: In the Family Way (5(b)/11)

[rusty_armour]

Title: In the Family Way (5(b)/11)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: McShep, Beckett/Other
Summary: Some are born into families; others create their own.
Word Count: 3,623
Category: Slash, MPreg, AU
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up to and including season three.
Disclaimer: Thou Shalt Not Steal. Even in the interest of fic. Most of these characters aren't mine. I, uh, borrowed them. Yeah.

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"Do you think you can walk?"

Carson stared at the taxi driver blearily before nodding and lurching to his feet. Then he was lying on the boulevard, his face planted in the grass.

"Oopsy daisy," Carson said, giggling hysterically at his predicament. He was only vaguely aware of the taxi driver grabbing him under the arms and hauling him off the ground, but then they were walking up the driveway, and a strange house was looming before them. Carson shook his head and tried to break away from the taxi driver. "This isn't 32."

The taxi driver continued to lead Carson up the driveway. "You said 35."

Carson shook his head. "No, 32. I'm sure I said 32." They reached the front door, and the taxi driver knocked before Carson could argue further. The door swung open, and a tall man with thinning blond hair was gaping at them in surprise.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

Carson squinted at the man for a few seconds before placing the accent. "Ah, bonjour! Comment ça va?"

The man grimaced. "Obviously better than you."

"You think he's bad?" the taxi driver said. "You should see his friends."

Carson grinned. "Aye, great lads. They're from Newfoundland."

"Merde," the man muttered under his breath.

The taxi driver jerked his head at Carson. "Do you know if he lives at #32?"

Before the man could answer, his husband was beside him, curious to see their guests. "Who is it, Claude?" Jamie asked. Then he spotted his new friend. "Carson! What a surprise!" Jamie pulled Carson into the house and then engulfed him in a huge hug, which Carson returned enthusiastically.

Claude exchanged an amused glance with the taxi driver. "Apparently, we know him."

Jamie swatted Claude's arm lightly. "Oh, you know Carson! I told you all about him!"

"Oh, the Scottish guy staying with Jeannie?" Claude asked.

"Does this Jeannie live at #32. It's just that I've got another customer and…" The taxi driver looked at his watch pointedly.

"It's okay. We'll get him home." Claude pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. "Did our friend pay you yet?"

"Yeah, he tipped me and everything," the taxi driver said.

Claude pressed a couple of toonies into the man's palm. "Well, here is a little extra for your trouble."

The taxi driver smiled, touched by the gesture. "Thank you, sir. That's very kind of you." He waved at his former customer. "Night, Carson!"

Carson waved back at the taxi driver cheerfully. "Good night, wee taxi man!" Carson was oblivious to the taxi driver's look of disgust as the man finally made his escape. However, he couldn't miss Jamie, who was standing right in front of him.

"What happened, honey?" Jamie asked. "Has Jeannie driven you to drink?"

Carson nodded emphatically then wondered why the gesture was making the room sway. "We had a row," he said. "I think she hates me." His bottom lip trembled and he fought to hold back tears. He knew he'd be mortified if he was sober, but he was currently too drunk to care.

Jamie folded Carson in his arms again, drawing Carson's head down on his shoulder. "Oh, sweetie, she doesn't hate you. She treats everyone that way."

Carson sniffed loudly. "Then she must hate the whole world!"

"That sounds like Jeannie," Claude muttered.

Jamie gave Claude a dirty look over Carson's shoulder. "Hush, you." He rubbed Carson's back soothingly before disengaging himself from the Scotsman. "I'm sure it's all just a big misunderstanding. I'll take you home and we can clear this up once and for all." He took a step back, studying Carson again. "That shirt has to go, and we'll need to do something with your hair…"

"You're not taking him home," Claude said.

Jamie's eyebrows shot up. "Why, Claude! I know he's cute, but we can't keep him. There's no way we could possibly justify it after refusing to let Britney have a puppy."

Claude blushed. "That is not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?" Jamie grinned slyly, slipping an arm around Claude's waist. "Are you afraid Carson's going to put the moves on me because he's drunk, or is it my motives you're questioning?"

Claude covered his face with a hand. He might have stayed that way if Jamie hadn't poked him impatiently. "Accents," Claude said. "Accents turn you on."

Jamie smiled and kissed Claude on the lips. "The only accent that turns me on is yours, baby." He pinched Claude's ass and kissed him again, lingering longer this time.

"Oi!" Carson said. "Get a room!" He was slumped against a wall and about to slide to the floor.

Jamie reluctantly broke the kiss. "You really need to get him home, Claude. He's seriously clashing with our décor."

"Jeannie owes us big time," Claude said as he and Jamie maneuvered Carson away from the wall.

When they reached the door, Jamie draped the arm he was holding across Claude's shoulders. "Come on, Brigadoon," he said to Carson. "It's time to go home to bonnie Jean." He held the door open, struggling to stifle laughter as Claude and Carson staggered down the driveway. " Vive le Québec!" he called after Claude, who swore under his breath in his mother tongue.

"You know, the French and Scottish have shared close ties for centuries," Carson said.

Claude rolled his eyes. "Yes, that is what the last drunken Scotsman said to me when I took him home." Carson burst out laughing and almost tripped on the sidewalk. Claude sighed and tightened his hold on Carson. "I guess that is why I get along with Jeannie."

Carson stopped abruptly at the curb. "Jeannie?"

"Because she is Scottish," Claude said. "At least I thought she was Scottish. Is 'McKay' not a Scottish name?" He glanced quickly in both directions before guiding Carson across the street.

As Carson stumbled along beside Claude, he started to laugh again. "You're right. It is Scottish. Rodney spends so much time teasing me about sheep, haggis and bagpipes that I forget sometimes."

Claude grunted as Carson veered a little too far to the right and stomped on his foot. "Rodney is the brother, no? The one who is cra-not well."

Carson drew to a halt, teetering on Jeannie's driveway. "I'm not sure anymore. We might have to change the story now that Jeannie knows."

"Knows what?" Claude asked, but all of Carson's concentration seemed to be focused on moving one leg in front of the other, so Claude dropped the subject.

When they reached the stoop, neither man had to knock. Jeannie was standing at the door, hands on hips and a scowl set on her face.

"Bloody hell." Carson tried to execute an about-turn, but Claude was dragging him determinedly to the door. On closer inspection, Jeannie's expression proved to be even more frightening, and Carson gulped audibly.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jeannie shouted. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been? Rodney's positively frantic! I've already had to wrestle the phone away from him twice because he keeps threatening to call the police!" Jeannie took in Carson's glassy eyes and saw that he was leaning heavily on Claude for support. "My God, are you drunk?"

Left with no other option, Carson was forced to fall back on his charm. "I love you," he slurred, throwing his arms around Jeannie.

"Oh, please, that doesn't even work for Andrew," Jeannie said, but she patted Carson's back all the same.

"Me, me! Me next!" Rodney wrenched Jeannie out of Carson's embrace, and Carson shrank back, thinking that Rodney wanted to hug him too. But Rodney had other ideas. "Where have you been? Do you have any idea how worried Jeannie's been? She's been totally freaking out! For all she knew, you were dead!" Rodney quickly turned his head, trying to wipe his eyes furtively.

"Rodney, are you crying?" Carson asked.

"It's hormones," Rodney hissed. "Shut up."

Claude coughed loudly. "This is very entertaining, but I have to go."

Jeannie tore her eyes away from her brother. "God, Claude, of course. I'm sorry." She shoved her hands deep in her pockets and smiled sheepishly. "Merci beaucoup."

"Yeah, yeah," Claude said, already heading down the driveway. Jeannie exchanged a look with Rodney, and they each grasped one of Carson's arms, yanking him inside the house.

"Please tell me you haven't spent the whole day drinking," Jeannie said as she and Rodney steered Carson to the couch.

"No, I spent most of the day at the zoo." Carson fell back on the couch, pulling Rodney and Jeannie down with him.

"The zoo?" Rodney said. "How'd you end up there?"

Carson yawned. "I met this lovely old biddy feeding squirrels in the park. She suggested I visit the zoo, so I hopped on the nearest bus and got directions from the driver. After transferring twice, I was able to catch a bus to Kennedy Station. Then it was the 86A all the way to the zoo." Carson suddenly broke into a grin. "Have you been to the zoo? It's absolutely brilliant!"

Rodney smiled to himself. "I always liked the polar bears."

"Aye, they're great!" Carson said, punching Rodney in the arm in his excitement. "You can look through those windows and see them swimming underwater!"

Rodney grimaced and rubbed his arm. "So the zoo has bars now, does it? I knew it would eventually turn into a commercialized tourist trap, but that's just wrong."

Jeannie shook her head. "I think you'll find he got drunk after his trip to the zoo. Isn't that right, Carson?"

"What?" Carson had tilted his head back and was gazing up at the ceiling in fascination. "Oh, I met these wonderful lads from Newfoundland in the Australasia Pavilion, and they invited me to tag along on their pub crawl."

"Oh, God," Rodney and Jeannie both said.

Carson beamed proudly. "I've now sampled most of the beer in Canada."

Rodney groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Oh, no, don't start crying again, Rodney." Carson rubbed Rodney's back gently, hoping to prevent any tears. "Look, I have just the thing to cheer you up: a Newfie joke."

"No!" Jeannie cried. "Not in this house! Not ever!"

Carson pouted. "But it's funny."

"Yeah, if you're drunk," Rodney said, lifting his head. "It won't be as funny when you're sober. Trust me."

Carson still wasn't happy, but he let it go. "I bought presents for everyone, but I think I left them in the taxi."

Jeannie squeezed Carson's shoulder. "We can call the cab company in the morning."

Carson met Jeannie's amused eyes with a serious expression. "I didn't get you a present because I thought you might see it as charity."

Rodney sniggered, and Jeannie hit his leg. "It's okay, Carson," Jeannie said. "Don't worry about it."

Carson reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pamphlet. "I adopted an animal in your name. It's a Spiny-Shelled…Spiny Soft…an endangered turtle."

"Oh, Carson, that was so sweet of you." Jeannie took the pamphlet and began skimming it eagerly.

"You'll be receiving an adoption certificate in the mail," Carson said. "Oh, and there'll be a fact sheet, newsletters, and--" Carson yawned, rubbing his eyes.

Jeannie set the pamphlet down on the coffee table. "I think someone's ready for bed." She knelt down on the carpet and started unlacing Carson's shoes, while Rodney struggled to remove Carson's jacket.

Carson attempted to shrug them off. "But we had a fight."

Rodney and Jeannie looked at Carson expectantly, but he'd apparently lost his train of thought. Rodney recaptured the sleeve of Carson's jacket and tugged hard. "Jeannie and I had a little talk after you left," he said, "and we, uh, managed to clear up a few things."

Carson's jaw dropped comically. "You did?"

"We did." Jeannie removed Carson's left shoe and started untying the right one. "We both realized that we put you in a pretty impossible position."

When Carson frowned confusedly, Rodney said, "You really couldn't correct Jeannie's ridiculous assumptions without breaking your confidentiality agreement."

Jeannie glared at Rodney from the floor. "Just as you couldn't tell Rodney about my perfectly justifiable, if false, beliefs without making him look like an idiot for breaking his own confidentiality agreement."

"Hey!" Rodney protested.

"Actually," Carson said, "I didn't tell Rodney because you two had just been reunited and I wanted you to get along."

"Really?" Jeannie popped up from the carpet. "That's so…so…" She blushed and disappeared into the front hall with Carson's shoes.

"Here, you can take this too," Rodney said, tossing Carson's jacket at Jeannie when she returned to the living room.

"Gee, thanks," Jeannie grumbled, turning around again. "By the way, Carson," she called from the front hall, "you don't have to worry about any more secrets because Rodney's told me everything."

Carson's eyes widened. "Everything?"

Jeannie towered over him with a triumphant smile. "Everything. The Stargate Program, the Pegasus Galaxy, Atlantis…"

As Sheppard wasn't around, Carson smacked Rodney on the back of the head. "Now what did you do that for, you daft bugger?"

"Oww!" Rodney tried to shield himself from further attacks with a cushion. "I had to tell her! She interrogated me! She shone a light in my eyes!"

Jeannie snorted. "It was a pen-light, you wuss."

Rodney peeked at Carson from behind the cushion. "It was really bright, and-and she shone it in my eyes!"

Carson suddenly felt sober, far too sober. He wasn't sure, but he thought the blood might have drained from his face.

It obviously had, for Jeannie quickly said, "It's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone. Who would believe me, anyway?"

"But you believe it?" Carson asked. "All of it?"

Jeannie looked at Rodney as she answered. "Well, yeah. He can't lie to save his life, even when I'm not shining a light in his face. Besides, if I can believe my brother's pregnant, I can pretty much swallow anything."


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Carson certainly hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told Rodney that there was a lot to think about. Rodney had so much to think about that he'd found it impossible to follow doctor's orders and rest. Once he was sure Radek had gone to bed, he'd snuck to the labs, hoping to get some work done, but all he'd managed to do was stare blankly at his computer screen. When Carson tracked him down, Rodney actually welcomed the distraction, though he was sure this house call would entail a lecture of some kind.

"I thought I told you to rest," Carson said. He was standing right beside Rodney, leaning against the table.

Pretending to be absorbed in his work, Rodney only flicked a cursory glance in Carson's direction. Then he consulted his watch. "It's 1:08 a.m. Technically, it's a new day." As focused as Rodney was on trying to look busy, it took him longer than usual to notice that Carson wasn't arguing with him. Rodney's eyes whipped from his monitor to Carson, who had the same expression on his face that he always had when he was about to deliver bad news to a patient. "Is something wrong with the baby?" Rodney asked.

"No, no," Carson said. "As far as I can determine, the baby is just fine."

"Then what is it?" Rodney was now giving Carson his full attention, but Carson looked away and squirmed uncomfortably. Suddenly, Rodney knew exactly what the problem was. "You've figured it out, haven't you?"

"Figured it out?" Carson was deliberately playing dumb, and Rodney wondered if he was stalling for time.

"The inconsistency with the dates," Rodney said. "I'm almost six weeks…along, and, yet, it's only been about three weeks since Sheppard came to you for, uh, supplies."

"Ah, right. Yes, I had wondered about that. I thought, perhaps, that there might have been some earlier…encounter." To his credit, Carson didn't blush, though the tips of his ears turned pink.

"No, it only happened twice," Rodney said, "and there wasn't any, uh, penetration until the second time, which was just before Sheppard left." Now Rodney found that he was blushing himself and wanted to be looking at anything but Carson.

Carson smiled at Rodney sympathetically. "I hate to pry, but if Colonel Sheppard isn't the father then who is?"

"Oh, that's easy. There isn't one." At Carson's flabbergasted expression, Rodney said, "Okay, there was obviously a father at some point. Let's just say that he hasn't put in an appearance recently. Perhaps for ten thousand years."

"I'm sorry. What?" Carson was completely lost. This conversation wasn't making sense at all.

"Remember when Sheppard, Ronon and I went to check out that lab on Creseda?" Rodney asked.

Carson nodded. "Yes, Sheppard thought you'd hit your head and was hallucinating, but nothing showed up on the MRI." He leaned back on the table again, studying Rodney curiously. "Do you suspect something happened on the planet?"

"More than suspect, yes." Rodney rose from his chair and began pacing. "I didn't tell you this at the time because Sheppard had you convinced that I was hallucinating." Rodney snorted. "Hell, he almost had me convinced. Almost. But now I know it must have been true."

Carson snagged Rodney's arm as he walked past. "What must have been true? What happened?"

Rodney gestured at the ceiling with his free hand. "I fell from…Well, a great height. I should have died instantly. I was sure that I would." Rodney laughed quietly. "When I hit the ground, I wished I had, I was in so much pain. But then this woman appeared and-and healed me."

Carson felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising. "Rodney, even if you survived such a fall, you wouldn't be standing here now. You wouldn't be standing at all. You'd probably be a quadriplegic, or suffer from some form of paralysis or brain damage." Carson shook his head. "You must have been hallucinating."

"I wasn't hallucinating. I fell and a woman, possibly an ascended Ancient, healed me." As Carson shot him a skeptical look, Rodney said, "When I was on the path to ascension, I healed Radek after he was electrocuted. If the woman I encountered had ascended, my injuries wouldn't be beyond her abilities."

Carson sighed, forced to agree that Rodney was right. "Aye, all right, so an ascended Ancient healed you, but what does that have to do with your pregnancy? Do you think she knocked you up while she was at it?" Carson was joking, but Rodney treated his question seriously.

"Yes," Rodney said. "I think she must have." He sat back down in his chair. "What if a woman ascended when she was a couple of weeks pregnant? What would happen to the embryo?"

Carson opened his mouth to answer, before realizing that he had absolutely no idea. "I don't know," he admitted.

"Well, I don't know either," Rodney said, "but I'm guessing that, without a physical body, the woman would need to implant the embryo for it to develop."

"Well, assuming the embryo was still intact…" Carson's words trailed off when he realized where Rodney was heading with this supposition. "You think the woman who healed you implanted her embryo in you?" Carson didn't sound convinced. "No offence, Rodney, but wouldn't it have been easier for her to implant the embryo in a woman?"

Rodney crossed his arms. "Maybe I was the first human -- the first physical body -- she had come across in centuries. When she was healing my injuries, she might have made the decision to implant her embryo."

"Rodney, even if she were capable of implanting her embryo in another person how could she have implanted it in you?" Carson asked. "You don't have…the necessary equipment."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I'll remind you once again of all the impossible things I was able to do when I was ascending, such as reading minds and levitating you off the ground." He smiled. "If Mommy Ancient has those kinds of powers then I think she can handle a little interior construction."

Carson's elbow almost slipped off the table. "Interior construction? Rodney, the woman built you a bloody uterus!"

"Well, of course she built me a bloody uterus," Rodney said. "I mean, it had to come from somewhere. I didn't just wake up one morning to discover I had one." He sighed and ran a hand across his face. "Look, you can perform a DNA test when the baby's born. I think you'll find that the DNA doesn't contain genetic material from either me or Sheppard."

"And you're all right with that?" Carson asked. "Carrying a baby that isn't yours?"

"I believe the proper term is 'surrogate mother,'" Rodney said, "and, yes, I'm okay with it." He leaned forward in his chair. "The woman saved my life, Carson. I think carrying her baby is the least I can do."

Carson gripped Rodney by the shoulders. "It's your body, Rodney. You have every right to refuse her. She didn't ask your permission. She invaded your body and used it for her own purposes."

"For the sake of the baby!" Rodney shook Carson's hands off his shoulders. "Her methods may have been questionable, but her intentions were good. She was just doing whatever it took to ensure her baby's survival, like any mother should."

"Except that she isn't the mother anymore," Carson said. "You are."

"Yes, well…" Rodney's hands twitched restlessly at his sides, before settling on his belly, as if it were the most natural place for them to be. Rodney gazed down at his hands in surprise then smiled. "Stupid people raise kids all the time. If they can do it then how hard could it possibly be for a genius like me?"


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