![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rusty_armourTitle: By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Wicked This Way Comes (1/2)
Photographer/Essayist: Rusty Armour
Description: A dark force emerges to wreak havoc in
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
rusty_armour’s abode. Category: Mostly gen with some slash overtones, Action Figures, Crossover of Doctor Who, Enterprise, Primeval, Robin of Sherwood, Sherlock Holmes, and Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Uh…possibly several?
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, with the exception of Giant Hand, Earhart and Lester!Dog. It’s not worth suing me because I have no real money to speak of – except that treasure I buried in Bluffer’s Park.
P/E Notes: Usually, I write a fic for
jackycomelately’s birthday, but this year I’ve had to go with a “photo essay” instead, as I’ve now officially retired from fic writing. And I’m actually posting this “photo essay” early because I’m taking a little trip to Ottawa on the special day. 
For years, she had nursed it – that tiny spark of jealousy. Instead of diminishing over time, it had only burned brighter, until, one day, it was a hot scorching flame. Her twin had always been favoured over her. Despite that dark little mole and the thin white scar that marred her skin, her twin was always the one that was chosen first when there was a task to be done. Her twin always took the lead, while her quieter, clumsier sister could only trail behind her like a bleating little lamb. Well, no more. She had been stuck in the shadows for far too long. Now was the time to claim the power that was rightfully hers.
Rose Tyler was on a mission. That much had been made patently clear when the Doctor found himself being whisked off the Enterprise to the other side of the apartment. Now, Rose was eyeing him with that determined obstinate look he knew only too well. Given the high jut of her chin and tense set of her shoulders, the Doctor had a terrible feeling that this wouldn’t be a conversation he’d enjoy.
“This is it, Doctor,” Rose said. “This is the last chance I’m going to give you. I don’t care if you made a blood pact and swore eternal devotion to him. And I don’t care if he constantly hears the sound of drums, or has a whole bloody orchestra in his head. You have to make a choice and you have to make it now. It’s either me or him.” Rose couldn’t hide the note of disdain in that last word and took a certain degree of satisfaction in the way the Doctor winced at her tone.
“Rose, we’ve gone through this already: you can’t expect me to choose between the woman I love and the only other Time Lord in…” The Doctor trailed off as Rose’s expression grew icy cold. Then, he beamed at Rose, knowing that he could easily charm her with his warm, but enigmatic, smile. Rose’s eyes narrowed and she snapped her fingers sharply. The Doctor groaned as the resident Dalek rolled towards them carrying his guitar. “You must be joking.”
Rose ignored the Doctor, choosing to address the Dalek instead. “You know what to do.”
“I acknowledge and obey,” the Dalek said. Then it began to strum on its guitar, singing “Killing Me Softly With His Song”.
The Doctor gaped at the Dalek in amazement. “How-how did you make him do that? Daleks don’t take orders from anyone, unless that anyone is another Dalek. And they certainly don’t perform break-up songs.”
Rose made no attempt to hide her smirk. “I had Dr. McKay do a bit of tinkering while the Dalek was distracted.” When the Doctor stared at her blankly, Rose elaborated. “Jenny and Lester danced. They started off with a rumba and then worked up to salsa, a meringue, and some cha-cha-cha.”
“But that-that’s impossible!” the Doctor cried.
“No, what’s impossible is blondie’s taste in music,” a voice said. Then the Master’s head popped up and he was pulling himself up on the blanket box. “Personally, I would have gone with ‘Love Bites’ or maybe ‘Tainted Love’.”
“Oi!” Rose shouted. “This is a private conversation! Piss off, psycho!”
“Make me,” the Master said. Then he was gazing up at Rose and the Doctor from the ground, thanks to Rose’s fist.
“Rose!” the Doctor exclaimed. “You can’t go around striking the only – ”
“If you even think of saying ‘the only other Time Lord in existence,’ I’ll do more than just punch you,” Rose growled. “I’ll…” She froze, her eyes widening. “Is that smoke?”
The Doctor removed his glasses from his jacket and peered in the direction Rose indicated. “No, I think it’s mist. Giant Hand must have left a window open.”
Forgetting her anger, Rose clutched the Doctor’s sleeve nervously. “That’s an awful lot of mist to be coming through one window. You don’t think it’s – ”
“Hear me and heed me, for I am Herne, the Horned Bear!” a voice boomed.
Rose and the Master screamed. Then the Master was leaping to his feet, and both he and Rose were clinging to the Doctor.
“Does anyone else see a giant teddy bear with antlers or am I hallucinating again?” the Master asked.
“If you are hallucinating then it must be a mass hallucination because I can see it too,” Rose whispered. “Doctor, what is it? What does it want?”
“I don’t know. Let’s find out, shall we?” It took some effort, but the Doctor managed to break free of Rose and the Master and approach the large bear. “Hello! Herne, was it? I’m the Doctor and these two are Rose and the Master. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
"I wish I could say the same, Doctor,” Herne Bear said, “but the skies cry out and the clouds weigh down on me with the sorrow of a thousand lifetimes."
The Doctor glanced at Rose and the Master, hoping one of them might have some idea what the strange teddy bear was on about, but Rose and the Master were too busy exchanging a silent WTF? look. The Doctor sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that, Herne. Is there some way I can help you overcome this cloud affliction?"
Herne Bear raised his furry front limbs grandly. "Act without thinking!"
The Doctor grimaced. "Uh, sorry. That's pretty much impossible for me, I'm afraid. Have you got anything else?"
"The Powers of Light and Darkness are with you, Doctor," Herne Bear said. "It is by being what you are, a Time Lord from Gallifrey, that you shall smote down evil as you travel the destined path."
The Doctor's brow creased. "Sorry. Still not following you.”
“That is because you see, but you do not observe!” cried yet another voice. Then a tall figure in a deerstalker hat and Inverness cape was standing before them.
“Ooooooh!” Rose and the Master said. “Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes!”
The Doctor crossed his arms and glared at giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes. “Do you mind? The teddy bear with the antlers was about to divulge some very important information, I’m sure.”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes sighed impatiently. “Well, I can save you both some time and effort: Giant Hand has disappeared.”
“Oh, really,” the Doctor said. “And how did you deduce that, smarty-pants?”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes raised his chin. “I was forced to make my way here without Giant Hand’s usual aid. I think your friend in the black suit also found his journey rather cumbersome without a…helping hand.”
The Master raised his own hand, giving a cheeky wave to giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes. “Actually, I had a helping hand most of the way – before that dark shape swooped out of nowhere and attacked Giant Hand.”
The Doctor turned to the Master, raising an eyebrow. “And it didn’t occur to you to mention this before now?”
The Master shrugged. “It didn’t seem important.”
The Doctor shook his head in exasperation. “Well, could you at least give us a description of this dark shape?”
“Well…it was somewhat hand-shaped,” the Master said.
“‘Hand-shaped’?” the Doctor asked. “It was dark and ‘hand-shaped’?”
“Oh!” Rose cried. “Maybe it was a black hand!”
“Of course,” Travis Mayweather said. “It would be a black hand. It goes around attacking people, so it must be a black hand.”
The Master rolled his eyes. “I was going to say that this hand-shaped creature was wearing what appeared to be a black glove. From what I could see of the arm that was attached, the creature itself is pale and pasty, like the belly of a dead fish.”
“Oh, so it was just some crazy white hand wearing a black glove,” Travis said. “Well, that’s okay, then.”
Rose shot Travis a dirty look. “How is that okay?” she asked. “Maybe your definition of ‘okay’ is different on Enterprise, but I’d say that a giant hand – black or white, gloved or ungloved – swooping down on other giant hands is not okay.”
The Master grinned. “It didn’t swoop down as much as swoop up. It sort of flew up from beneath us, all silent and stealth-like. Then, suddenly, it just pounced.”
“Master!” the Doctor cried.
“Yes, that’s it,” the Master said as he was lifted into the air. “That’s exactly how it was done.”
The Doctor ran towards the gloved culprit, but it was too late. It had already disappeared with its captive.
Rose appeared at the Doctor’s side and patted his shoulder. “We’ll get him back.”
The Doctor stared at Rose in disbelief. Hadn’t she been the one who wanted to get rid of the Master in the first place? He opened his mouth to say as much, but ended up shouting at the Dalek as it began to perform “Cry Me A River”. “Will you please cease that racket!” he screamed.
“Yes,” giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes said. “Your selection of music leaves much to be desired. Might I suggest Paganini’s Caprice No. 13?” As the Dalek began to play, giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes cringed slightly, before managing to mask his emotion. “Uh, yes. Very nice, indeed. Not quite as I remember it, but interesting nonetheless.”
“Oh, is that Paganini’s Caprice No. 13?” Jenny Lewis asked. Everyone jumped in surprise at her sudden appearance, but she didn’t seem to notice. She headed towards the Dalek and giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes, Lester!Dog trotting beside her.
“Why, yes, my dear lady. At least, it’s supposed to be.” Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes arched an eyebrow. “Might I ask how you and your dog were able to travel here so quickly without the able assistance of Giant Hand?”
“I don’t know,” Jenny said. “One minute we were on the kitchen table and then we were here.”
Herne Bear raised his furry front limbs dramatically. “I brought her here.”
Jenny frowned. “Oh. Well, that’s reassuring, I suppose. You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to James, would you? He disappeared an instant before we did. Have you transported him somewhere else?”
“No,” Herne Bear said. “He has fallen prey to a creature cloaked in darkness.”
Jenny swore quietly under her breath. “Dammit! Not Helen again!”
Herne Bear shook his furry head. “No, it was not this Helen you speak of. It was – ”
Herne Bear was cut off as McKay burst on to the scene. Sheppard and K-9 were with him, but they had trouble keeping up with the astrophysicist for once.
“Has anyone seen Earhart?” McKay demanded. “I can’t find him anywhere!”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes hid his irritation behind his pipe. “And just who is this Earhart you seek?”
“He’s-he’s my baby!” McKay said.
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes’s eyes widened. “The fiend! Are there no limits to this creature’s depravity? You have to be heartless, indeed, to steal a tiny infant.”
McKay sniffed and nodded.
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes smiled at McKay sympathetically. “My good sir, if you would be kind enough to furnish me with a description of your baby, I may be of some use to you.”
“Really?” McKay clasped his hands together excitedly and fluttered his eyelashes at giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes. “Well, Earhart is grey and white and has bright yellow eyes.”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes almost dropped his pipe. “What?”
“Earhart is a cat,” Sheppard grumbled. “Rodney’s gone and lost his cat and he wants you to find him, even though I told him that Earhart probably just wandered off somewhere and will come back again when he’s hungry.”
McKay glared at Sheppard. “You don’t know that for sure. For all you know, he could have been kidnapped!”
“He was taken,” Herne Bear said. “He has been cast into the same pit of darkness that has enveloped two of your friends.”
“Oh my God!” McKay wailed. “Earhart has been swallowed by a whale!”
Sheppard wrapped his arms around McKay. “There, there. Calm down, buddy. I’m sure Earhart wasn’t swallowed by a whale.” He glanced quickly at Herne Bear. “He wasn’t, was he?”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes stepped in before Herne Bear could answer. “Earhart has been taken by a hand-shaped creature wearing a black glove. In fact, I believe this creature could very well be a hand. If I can gather some thread from the glove, I may be able to track down this reprehensible villain.”
“You should take Lester along,” Jenny said, nodding at the German shepherd at her side. “He’s an excellent tracker. If we gave him a piece of clothing belonging to James or the Master – ”
“Or, perhaps, an article of clothing that has been in contact with the cat!” giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes cried. His eyes flew quickly to McKay. “Let the dog sniff you, my dear fellow. That should help him pick up the scent.”
McKay shrugged and went down on his knees, calling Lester!Dog over. After giving McKay’s face a huge swipe with his tongue, Lester!Dog sniffed McKay’s clothes as directed.
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Our quarry won’t slip through our fingers this time. No, this time we have him, Toby.”
“Actually, I think you'll find your quarry is a her, if my guess is right, and the dog’s name is ‘Lester,’ not ‘Toby’,” Jenny said.
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes frowned for a moment and then nodded. “Very well. It’s not as if I haven’t crossed swords with a female nemesis before. However, for my purposes, the dog must be known as ‘Toby’.”
Jenny snorted. “Well, you’re certainly welcome to try, but no one has ever succeeded in calling Lester anything but ‘Lester’.”
“Toby, heel!” giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes said, and Lester!Dog walked briskly to his side.
Jenny gasped. “How did you do that?”
Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes flashed a quick smile at Jenny. “I’m Sherlock Holmes. I can do anything…except knit. I haven’t quite mastered that skill yet, but I shall. Have no fear of that.” He glanced down at Lester!Dog. “Come, Toby. We mustn’t tarry here any longer.” Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes picked up Lester!Dog and, placing him under one arm, jumped down to the floor.
“Wait!” Sheppard cried. “What about Giant Hand? Are you going to track her down too?”
K-9 glided smoothly towards Sheppard. “That won’t be necessary, master. I have located Giant Hand and can give you her precise coordinates.”
Sheppard grinned. “Great work, K-9! Could you lead us to her?”
“Affirmative, master,” K-9 said.
Sheppard clapped McKay on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go rescue Giant Hand and get some answers.”
The Doctor watched in astonishment as Sheppard, McKay and K-9 disappeared with a wave of Herne Bear’s furry front limb. Then Jenny Lewis also faded away, and the Doctor found that he was alone with Rose and the Dalek. He opened his mouth to speak, when the Dalek began singing “Don’t You Want Me”.
The Doctor groaned and threw up his hands. “By Rassilon, not again!”
Part Two
