Fic: Plummet
Nov. 6th, 2011 12:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rusty_armourTitle: Plummet
Author: Rusty Armour
Fandom: Sherlock
Characters: Lestrade, John, Sherlock, Donovan
Category: General, friendship, angst, hurt/comfort
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,056
Summary: The fall had been inevitable, but Lestrade hadn’t expected anyone to catch him when it happened.
Spoilers: Sherlock in general, I suppose.
Notes: This story was written for
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fengirl88 to celebrate her LJ’s first birthday, though the fic is incredibly late. It’s also not quite what I promised. I was supposed to write John/Lestrade slash. In fact, I had the whole thing mapped out in my head and had even done a bit of research on civil partnership (for a Lestrade backstory). Then, one Saturday morning, I was lying in bed when this one image flashed inside my head and started forming into an idea. That idea coalesced with some other ideas I’d been toying with, so I ended up with one idea and one story. It was a story that refused to leave me alone, and I knew I had to write it. I explained the situation to fengirl88, asking her how upset she would be if the promised story wasn’t slash, but a John/Lestrade friendship fic of the angst and hurt/comfort variety. Fortunately, she said she would be happy with any John/Lestrade story. I hope she still feels the same way after reading this. I owe a HUGE debt of gratitude to
grassle for the EXCELLENT Britpick and beta. She really helped me a lot. Disclaimer: With great power comes great responsibility. Thankfully, I have neither. Sherlock and its characters are owned by other people, though I feel fortunate to have been allowed to play in this wonderful sandbox.
Just seventeen more steps. Seventeen more steps and he might finally have justice. Seventeen more steps and Tina might finally rest in peace. Seventeen more steps and this might finally be over. Never had seventeen steps seemed like such an obstacle.
Lestrade wrapped his hand around the banister and hauled himself up the stairs. It was a journey that normally took seconds, but his legs felt like jelly and his feet were as heavy as lead.
When Lestrade reached the top of the stairs, he found the door to 221B open. Sherlock was draped across the sofa in his dressing gown. He didn’t budge, didn’t even open his eyes, as Lestrade entered the flat. For a moment, Lestrade wondered if Sherlock was asleep, but then Sherlock addressed him. “What do you want, Lestrade? It can’t be that urgent if you stopped at a pub first.”
It hadn’t been a pub, but John walked out of the kitchen before Lestrade could correct Sherlock. He stopped dead when he saw Lestrade. “Are you okay?”
Sherlock’s eyes flew open and he sat up. “What’s happened?”
Lestrade reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He managed to pass it to Sherlock with a steady hand. “I’m calling in a favour.”
Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “A favour? What favour would this be?” He opened the sheet of paper and read what was written on it. “IOU. Sherlock Holmes.” He snorted. “It’s a forgery.” He tried to thrust the piece of paper back at Lestrade, but John snatched it from him.
“It looks genuine to me,” John said.
Sherlock rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were a handwriting expert.”
“You obviously aren’t if you can’t recognize your own signature.” Lestrade’s hands were shoved deep in his coat pockets and he wasn’t meeting Sherlock’s eyes.
Sherlock popped up from the sofa and took the IOU from John. “Was I high when I wrote this?”
Lestrade glanced quickly at the piece of paper. “No. Well, not exactly. You…you were coming down. Had come down. Mostly.”
“Oh!” Sherlock clapped his hands, crushing the IOU between his palms. “I was hunched over your toilet half the night, and you sat with me. Then you gave me some peppermint tea and put me to bed.”
In my bed, Lestrade thought. He had slept on the sofa and woke to find that piece of paper lying on his chest. It had been the first time since Tina’s disappearance that he’d been able to believe in salvation.
“When was this?” John asked.
Lestrade’s mind snapped back to the present again. “Four or five years ago.”
John shook his head in amazement. “You kept it all this time and didn’t try to collect?”
“I was saving it for something important,” Lestrade said.
John frowned, his eyes falling on Sherlock. “That’s assuming Sherlock will honour it.”
Sherlock had smoothed out the crumpled IOU and was studying it carefully. “A rare instance of guilt and remorse, but I was mostly in my right mind when I wrote it, so, yes, John, I’ll honour the debt.”
The relief that swept through Lestrade was so powerful it almost bowled him over.
Sherlock must have read the change in Lestrade’s demeanour, for he said, “I don’t often make promises, Lestrade, but I always keep the ones I do make. Tell me what you want.”
Lestrade nodded and took a deep breath, uttering words he never thought he’d hear himself speak. “I want you to help Gregson with a case.”
“Gregson?” Sherlock cried, and Lestrade didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so shocked. “Gregson? I thought the favour was for you, that I’d be helping you with one of your cases.”
Lestrade gritted his teeth. “It is my case. Was my case. I-I pulled myself off it and asked Gregson to take over.” It hadn’t been voluntary, of course, but Lestrade had known he wouldn’t be allowed to lead the investigation, so he’d requested Gregson. He might not like her, but he still respected her. He knew she was damn good at her job.
Sherlock seemed baffled for once. “I don’t understand. Why would you take yourself off a case?”
“Sherlock.” John was focusing on Lestrade as if he were one of his patients, and Lestrade wondered what he had done to merit such concern. Then John touched his arm and Lestrade flinched. “Look, why don’t you sit down? I’ve got some whisky, if Sherlock hasn’t used it in an experiment.”
“I think Lestrade has had enough to drink,” Sherlock said, “though I was mistaken about the pub. He visited a friend or, perhaps, a relative, and they didn’t drink because it was a social occasion. No, there was another reason.”
Lestrade glared at Sherlock then turned his attention back to John. “Why?”
John crossed his arms. “I don’t like the look of you.”
“Well, you’re not exactly my type either, John,” Lestrade said.
John sighed. “Lestrade – ”
Sherlock jumped in before John could finish. “You’re pale and your hands are shaking. They started shaking shortly after you arrived. That’s why you hid them in your pockets.” He leaned forward eagerly. “What happened, Lestrade? Why are you no longer in charge of this investigation?”
Lestrade swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Conflict of interest.”
“Conflict of interest?” Sherlock stared at Lestrade for a second before the answer came to him. “You knew the victim.”
“I have to go,” Lestrade said. Sherlock was too close to the truth, and Lestrade didn’t want to be there when he worked it out. He had reached the door when Sherlock struck.
“It’s your wife, isn’t it? Her body’s finally been found.”
Lestrade just managed to grab the door frame as his legs threatened to give out.
“Jesus, Sherlock!” John placed one hand on Lestrade’s stiff shoulders and tried to pry his fingers off the door frame with the other. “Come on. It’s okay. You can let go now.”
Lestrade gripped even tighter. No, it wasn’t okay. He couldn’t let go. It was the only thing holding him upright. “Leave me alone. Please.”
John dropped his arm, but stayed close to Lestrade.
Lestrade slowly released his grip, peeling one finger away at a time. Then he was standing without any support, but he couldn’t move. He was frozen. And it wasn’t just his hands that were shaking: it was every part of him.
John tried to wrap an arm around Lestrade’s shoulders, but Lestrade shoved it off. He hadn’t slept well the night before, as if he’d somehow known what horrors he’d have to face the following day. Combined with the alcohol, shock and grief, the lack of sleep had stripped away Lestrade’s defences. Maybe that’s why he was caught off guard when John pulled him back inside the flat and wrapped his arms around him. Lestrade tried to fight John as he felt everything he’d been trying to contain rushing to the surface, threatening to burst out.
Christ, not here. Not in front of them.
“Let me help you, Greg.” John said. “Please.”
The seal broke and, clutching John’s shirt in one fist, Lestrade started crying, long drawn out sobs that seemed to wrack his entire body.
John guided Lestrade’s head to his shoulder and rubbed his back. “That’s it. Get it all out.”
If Lestrade had been able to speak, he would have warned John that it would probably take a while to “get it all out”. In fact, he didn’t know if he would ever be able to stop, if that seemingly endless reservoir of tears could possibly dry up with the amount of sorrow that was flooding through him.
From the vicinity of the sofa, Sherlock said, “I had no idea he was in so much pain.”
John stroked the back of Lestrade’s head. “Even with brilliant deductive skills, you can never be sure how much someone’s suffering, Sherlock.”
Lestrade wanted to protest. It was all wrong. Usually, he was the one comforting the bereaved friend, relative or spouse. He was the one holding a hand, patting a shoulder, or embracing someone as they poured out their grief. He was a DI, for God’s sake. It had originally been his investigation.
Lestrade didn’t realize he’d stopped crying, or that his legs were buckling under him, until he heard John shout for Sherlock.
“I’ve got him.” Sherlock had his arms around Lestrade’s waist and was supporting him from behind.
Lestrade jolted awake and broke free of Sherlock’s arms. “I’m okay.”
“Of course you are,” Sherlock said, but one of his arms returned to Lestrade’s waist as he guided Lestrade to the sofa. Lestrade was barely seated when Sherlock began stripping off his coat, and John knelt down to unlace his shoes.
“What are you doing?”
Sherlock pushed Lestrade on his side, lifting his feet off the floor, while John slipped a cushion under Lestrade’s head.
“No, I have to…I need to – ”
“Shh…” John sat on the edge of the sofa and began rubbing Lestrade’s back again. “The only thing you need right now is sleep.”
Lestrade closed his eyes, though he told himself that it was to avoid seeing the look of pity on John’s face. He certainly had no intention of sleeping.
Lestrade was just drifting off when he heard Sherlock say, “He didn’t have to keep that ridiculous IOU all this time. He could have simply asked for help.”
John’s response was hushed, almost a whisper. “Maybe he was afraid you wouldn’t help him if the case wasn’t unique or interesting, though I suspect it was pride holding him back more than anything.”
“He’s never had trouble asking for help before tonight.”
“That’s because he was always asking for other people. This time, he was asking for himself.”
Lestrade woke to the sound of voices. Disoriented, he opened his eyes and found that he’d spent the entire night on the sofa at 221B Baker Street. Lestrade tossed aside his blanket and sat up.
The voices were coming from the kitchen. Assuming it was Sherlock and John, Lestrade was about to remind them of his presence when he noticed that one of the voices belonged to Donovan. Unable to face his sergeant, Lestrade stayed silent and still.
After about a minute, Lestrade realized Sherlock was absent from the conversation – and not just from the lack of shouting and insults. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, he really didn’t, but it was a small flat with surprisingly good acoustics.
“She was a DS, like me, only she was in the Fraud Squad,” Donovan said. “She was part of a money laundering investigation when she disappeared.”
“Did he really see her, see the-the body, I mean?” John asked.
Donovan’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Yeah. Yeah, he did.” She cleared her throat. “Sorry. It’s just that – ”
“I know. It’s okay.”
Lestrade could imagine the compassion in John’s eyes, imagine him clasping Donovan’s shoulder or holding her hand.
Donovan must have gained strength from whatever form of comfort John provided because she seemed more herself when she spoke again. “He didn’t say anything. Not to any of us. He just announced that he was no longer on the case and left.”
“He was probably in shock,” John said. “He was definitely in a bad way when he came here.”
Donovan’s voice rose. “Yeah, but not to say a word, one bloody word…I only found out afterwards what happened when he saw the body. Anderson says he went as white as a sheet and looked as if he was going to pass out.”
“I’m amazed he didn’t pass out.”
Sally laughed sharply. “Oh, not that one. He’s too stubborn and bloody-minded for that.”
John laughed as well. “You’re not going to like this, but that sounds a lot like someone else we both know.”
“God, you’re right,” Donovan said. “No wonder the boss is able to put up with him.”
“From what I’ve heard, Lestrade is the only one who is willing to put up with him.”
Lestrade waited for Donovan to agree wholeheartedly with John, so he was surprised when she contradicted him.
“No, that’s not true. Gregson says she’s asked the freak to work with her a few times, but he’s always turned her down.”
“What? You’re joking? Well, it must have been the cases themselves. Sherlock mustn’t have found them interesting.”
“It wasn’t the cases, John. Gregson seems to think that he wasn’t interested in working with her because she wasn’t Lestrade. This is the first time Sherlock has volunteered to work with her – and that’s only because Lestrade asked him to.”
Lestrade clutched the arm of the sofa and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt them begin to fill with tears. Donovan had to be mistaken. What she was describing sounded a lot like loyalty, perhaps even friendship, but their relationship wasn’t like that, was it?
“Well, I don’t care why the freak’s helping her. I’m just bloody grateful he is.”
Lestrade’s eyes flew open. Come again?
“Yeah, you heard that right, but if you ever tell the freak I said so – ”
“No, no, I won’t say a word.”
“Okay, good. That’s-that’s good.”
Lestrade frowned. He knew that tone. Despite John’s promise, Donovan sounded unhappy.
“What’s the matter, Sally? Besides everything that’s going on already, that is.”
“Gregson wants me on her team.”
“Well, that’s good, isn’t it? You want to help him.”
“Yeah, but what if I can’t help him?” Donovan asked. “What if we can’t solve the case? What if we never know what happened? How would I ever be able to work with him again? How would I ever face him?”
“Sally.” The word was out of Lestrade’s mouth before he could stop it. He heard two chairs scraping across the kitchen floor, and then John and Donovan were stumbling into the living room.
Donovan marched to the sofa and stood over Lestrade, her hands on her hips. “How long have you been awake?”
Lestrade ran a hand across his face. “Long enough.”
Donovan sagged as if she’d been deflated.
Lestrade took Donovan’s wrist and pulled her down beside him. “You’re my DS. I need you on this case.”
“But-but she’s your wife, sir,” Donovan whispered.
“I trust few people as much as I trust you – you and Sherlock. That’s why I need you both there.” Lestrade’s grip on Donovan’s wrist tightened. “It has to be you. It can’t be anyone else.”
Donovan’s eyes flooded with tears. “But what if – ”
“You won’t fail me,” Lestrade said. “You never have and you never will. Just do your job. It’s enough, Sally.”
Donovan bit her lip and nodded. “Yes, sir.” She kissed Lestrade’s cheek. “Let me know if you need anything.” Donovan stood and locked eyes with John. “You’ll look after him, won’t you?”
John smiled. “Of course, Sally.”
Donovan took one last look at Lestrade then walked out the door. Lestrade waited until he heard Sally’s heels on the stairs before turning to John. “I could really do with a fag. Does Sherlock have any?”
John frowned. “I thought you’d quit.”
Lestrade leaned back and crossed his arms. “Why? Have you become a spokesperson for the British Lung Foundation?”
“Sherlock probably has some nicotine patches lying around,” John said. “I’ll fetch one for you.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Lestrade rose from the sofa and glanced around the room for his shoes and coat.
“Where are you going?” John asked.
“I’m getting out of your hair,” Lestrade said. “Thanks for…for everything.” He scooped up his shoes from under the coffee table and slipped them on his feet. When he looked up, John had his coat. Lestrade held out his hand, but John didn’t pass it to him.
“I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
Lestrade felt his jaw clench. “I know I…fell apart last night, but I’m okay now.”
John shook his head. “No, you’re not. You’re anything but okay.”
Temper flaring, Lestrade tried to grab his coat, but John kept it out of reach. “I have to go to work, John,” he growled.
“Nice try,” John said, “but I know you’re on compassionate leave. Sally made that abundantly clear.”
Lestrade made a half-hearted swipe at his coat as John dodged around the armchair with the Union Jack cushion. Lestrade’s eyes narrowed. “I could arrest you.”
“For nicking your coat?” John asked. “That would just be embarrassing. I mean, it’s up to you, of course, but wouldn’t you rather go for a walk? It’s a lovely day. We could stop at Speedy’s for breakfast.”
Lestrade stared at John, confused. “A walk? Speedy’s? But don’t you have a job to go to?”
“Nope,” John said. “I took the day off.”
“I never thought I’d say this, but I feel sorry for Sherlock.” Lestrade sighed. “If I do this will you get off my back? Will you leave me alone?”
John nodded. “Certainly.”
“When I agreed to this walk, I assumed it would eventually end,” Lestrade said.
John’s eyes drifted from the lake to Lestrade. “Ah. That was your first mistake.”
Lestrade scowled. “No, my first mistake was going to Baker Street in the first place.”
“You don’t mean that,” John said.
“No, God help me, I don’t.” Lestrade shared some leftover crumbs from his lunch with the squirrel that had planted a paw on his shoe. They were sitting in Regent’s Park with two coffee cups and sandwich wrappers on the bench between them.
John’s eyes returned to a group of ducks. “May I ask you something?”
Lestrade threw some more crumbs down at the squirrel. “You can ask, but I won’t promise to answer.”
“Fair enough,” John said, though he hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Why didn’t you ask for Sherlock’s help sooner?”
“I didn’t have to. When we first met, he deduced I was a widower, which, as it turns out, was the truth, but, at the time, it was obviously a bit more complicated than that.” Lestrade took a long sip of coffee, collecting both his thoughts and his emotions. “When Sherlock realized his mistake, he stole the case file and investigated Tina’s disappearance himself, hoping to prove how clever he was, but Tina had been gone for more than a year at that point, and there was literally no trace of her – not even for the great Sherlock Holmes.” Lestrade knew how bitter he sounded, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“London’s a big city. Even Sherlock can’t cover all of it.” John draped one arm over the back of the bench, shifting a little closer to Lestrade. “You still let him work with you, despite everything that happened.”
“Of course,” Lestrade said. “The kid was a genius. I would have been a fool not to.”
John became quiet after that, but Lestrade knew it wouldn’t last. John was a doctor. He needed to fix people. Lestrade assumed that was the reason why John had been drawn to a damaged copper when he could have been tearing across London with his best friend. Lestrade steeled himself for the inevitable.
A few minutes later, John said, “Is there anywhere you need to go? Anyone you need to see?”
Lestrade managed not to cringe. “Gregson’s probably going to want to talk to me before the end of the day, but there shouldn’t be anything else. I made a formal identification of…of the body yesterday and went to see Tina’s father before heading to Baker Street.”
Understanding dawned on John’s face, and Lestrade knew John was remembering the state his guest had been in the night before. “What about your side of the family?”
Lestrade closed his eyes. There was his mum. He needed to call her, but he wasn’t ready yet. She’d cry, make a big fuss, and then insist on coming to London. Well, at least she wouldn’t hit him with the same barrage of questions his father-in-law had thrown at him. Don had wanted to know if Tina had been alone when she died, if she’d suffered: questions Lestrade hadn’t possessed the answers to himself.
“Oh, hell.” Lestrade wiped a tear from his cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep…I knew she was dead. I’ve known for years.”
John laid a hand on Lestrade’s shoulder. “Yes, but had you accepted it?”
Lestrade’s forehead creased. “I-I don’t know. I thought I had.”
“All right,” John said, “Let me put it another way. Did you grieve? I mean, did you really mourn her death?”
Lestrade remembered the way he had thrown himself into his work, thrown himself into other cases – that he’d done anything and everything he could to prevent himself from thinking about Tina. It had been how he’d coped or, rather, hadn’t coped. “No. No, I suppose I didn’t.”
John smiled sadly at Lestrade. “Well, that’s what you’re doing now. You’re going through the grieving process. It’s a good thing. It’s healthy.”
The damn sympathy was back. It was in John’s eyes, his voice, his whole manner. Lestrade couldn’t help being irritated by it. “And what makes you such an expert on the subject?”
“Because I’m a doctor and a soldier,” John said. “I’ve been in Afghanistan. I’ve seen more death than possibly even you could imagine – and I say that knowing what you do for a living.”
Lestrade bowed his head. Well, that had put him in his place – and rightfully so. “Sorry.”
“Forget it.” John squeezed Lestrade’s shoulder. “I’m not surprised you never mourned her death properly. You didn’t have closure before yesterday.”
Lestrade nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ve seen it before with the families of murder victims.”
John sighed. “You’ve been carrying the weight of it for years, Greg. You have to release it.”
Lestrade brushed away another tear. “I’m not sure if I can. I’m not even sure if I know how to.”
“Well, I can help you with that – if you’ll let me,” John said.
Lestrade shook his head and looked away. “You shouldn’t have to. It’s not your job.”
“My job? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” John sounded angry as well as confused. “Oh, no. You don’t seriously believe…You think I’m here because Sherlock asked me to – ”
“No, not at all,” Lestrade said. “You’re here because you feel sorry for me and think it’s your job to help me.”
John’s fingers were digging into Lestrade’s shoulder. “I’m here because you’re my friend.”
“I’m not your friend,” Lestrade snapped. “Sherlock is. You wouldn’t have even met me if it weren’t for him. And this so-called friendship you’re referring to has been cases. Work, John.”
John couldn’t quite hide the hurt expression on his face. “Okay, maybe we aren’t friends, but I thought we were at least heading in that direction. I know I’d like to be your friend.”
John sounded completely sincere, but Lestrade couldn’t help questioning the timing of this declaration. Why now? he thought.
“Maybe when all of this is over,” Lestrade said. When everything isn’t so one-sided, when I can actually offer you something in return.
Somehow, John managed to hear what hadn’t been spoken. “That’s not how friendship works, Greg. There isn’t some invisible tally on who owes what.” He groaned when Lestrade frowned and still didn’t seem convinced. “Look, I don’t want anything from you – nothing beyond an ally against Sherlock when he’s being a prat and a mate who might join me for a drink down the pub.”
Lestrade wasn’t sure what had changed in that instant, but, before he knew it was happening, he found himself saying, “I like football. We could go some night when a match is on, or you could come round to mine.”
John’s mouth fell open in surprise, but he quickly recovered. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”
“Okay. Good.” Lestrade stood up, gathering their rubbish off the bench. “I want to go to the zoo. I’ve never been, but I was told that one of the penguins looks like Sherlock.”
John grinned. “Was it Donovan or Anderson who told you that?”
Lestrade tossed the litter in the nearest bin. “Donovan. She went last weekend with her niece.”
“Right,” John said. “This I have to see.”
Lestrade smiled and felt a bit of the weight lifting from him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2011-11-06 06:28 am (UTC)And Lestrade . . . *pets him and hugs and . . .*
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 09:07 am (UTC)Makes me want to take poor Lestrade to a luxury hotel for a weekend's TLC...
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Date: 2011-11-06 10:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 12:06 pm (UTC)I really like the opening. I felt a nice sense of foreboding as he climbed the 17 steps (since like most fans I imagine) I recognised the reference. Nice!
Poor Lestrade! I like the I.O.U. Great way for Lestrade to attempt to put things on a business-like footing and save his pride. Of course that soon falls apart as he does. Poor dude.
I enjoyed the back story. Yes, Sherlock would totally steal the file and investigate.
“When I agreed to this walk, I assumed it would eventually end,” Lestrade said.
Great line!
Okay, now I totally want to see a penguin that looks like Sherlock! After all the angst, it's a great touch to leave on a lighter note. Plus you know that John and Lestrade thrive on making fun of Sherlock! That's gotta be a core part of their relationship. There would be so few people who would really understand!
Fabulous story! I really like how you captured that one slice of time, but put it in the larger context of their relationships. Well-done you!
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Date: 2011-11-06 12:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 01:10 pm (UTC)I actually have no idea where to start, I love this so much. Lestrade's first stop being Baker Street and the way both Sherlock and John took care of him was wonderful, and I loved the little observation of John's that Lestrade has trouble asking for help when it's for himself. And the way you fleshed out Donovan's character was fantastic, and this ending exchange between John and Lestrade - perfect. I adore every word. Well done, you :)
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Date: 2011-11-06 01:49 pm (UTC)Poor Lestrade. I really like the way you've shown his emotions and the anger that keeps coming out, because that's a very natural reaction. And the way he's struggling to hold things together because that's what he's always done so it's hard for him to let others do things for him.
I hope they take a picture of the penguin.
Squeeee!!!
Date: 2011-11-06 01:53 pm (UTC)I know you said it would be John/Lestrade friendship fic of the angst and hurt/comfort variety, but I had no idea there would be such a poignant backstory for Lestrade and his relationship with Sherlock, or such a fine view of Donovan - one of the things that moved me most here was Lestrade's exchange with her. I loved John's determination and strength, not letting Lestrade get away with being stoical and stubborn though L tries his best even in these extreme circumstances. Loved the care and affection for Lestrade that all the characters here feel, and that sense of possibility opening up at the end.
*adds to memories and runs off to gloat*
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Date: 2011-11-06 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 06:11 pm (UTC)Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment,
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Date: 2011-11-06 06:17 pm (UTC)Thanks,
I just love the quietly hopeful note and hint of John-Lestrade at the end after all the heartbreak.
I'm happy that works for you. As this is essentially a John/Lestrade friendship fic, I thought it was only fair to offer some hint of hope.
Makes me want to take poor Lestrade to a luxury hotel for a weekend's TLC...
I think that's very noble of you. Yes, poor Lestrade does need a weekend's TLC in a luxury hotel. *g*
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Date: 2011-11-06 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 07:14 pm (UTC)*Bows head in shame* I know. Tell me about it. However, I've sworn that I'm not allowed to work on any more fic for at least a few months as I really have to try to focus on my original fiction. Of course, it probably won't be long before I'm working on Christmas cards and other festive activities, but I hope to squeeze in some original fiction writing before the chaos of the Holidays takes over.
I really like the opening. I felt a nice sense of foreboding as he climbed the 17 steps (since like most fans I imagine) I recognised the reference. Nice!
I can't remember how I came up with the opening. Maybe I tried to imagine one of the first things Lestrade would see when he arrived at 221B. Of course, I couldn't resist the fan reference to the 17 steps. I'm a sucker for any ACD canon reference. *g*
Poor Lestrade! I like the I.O.U. Great way for Lestrade to attempt to put things on a business-like footing and save his pride. Of course that soon falls apart as he does. Poor dude.
I'm so glad that came through to you. I think he's used to dealing with Sherlock on a business-like footing a lot of the time, though, as you pointed out, it is mostly about trying to save his pride. I think it might have also seemed like the easiest solution at the time. Do enough to get Sherlock on the case and then take cover before he works out all the details. Of course, the whole thing blew up in Lestrade's face as everyone knew it would. Poor dude, indeed. :-(
I enjoyed the back story. Yes, Sherlock would totally steal the file and investigate.
Oh, good! :-) To be honest, I basically concocted that back story to cover my ass. I was sure someone would ask why Lestrade didn't go to Sherlock sooner if I didn't offer a suitable explanation. Actually, I'm still waiting for someone to pick the story apart as I'm sure I probably got some detail wrong or left something out. *g*
“When I agreed to this walk, I assumed it would eventually end,” Lestrade said.
Great line!
Thank you! I think this just popped into my head when I was trying to figure out how to begin the last scene. I'm happy you like it. :-)
Okay, now I totally want to see a penguin that looks like Sherlock!
Your wish is my command:
After you (and some other people) inquired about the Sherlock penguin, I went to see if I could track down a good photo online. I know the London Zoo has Macaroni Penguins and this is exactly what I was picturing. Of course, as I've told two other people, you can imagine any penguin you want. *g*
After all the angst, it's a great touch to leave on a lighter note. Plus you know that John and Lestrade thrive on making fun of Sherlock! That's gotta be a core part of their relationship. There would be so few people who would really understand!
Well, you know me. I can only go so long before the humour creeps in. *g* I also felt that this story was about John and Lestrade's budding friendship, so ending the story on a lighter note seemed like a natural choice. Lastly, I think you're absolutely right about John and Lestrade thriving on making fun of Sherlock! As you say, there are so few people who would be familiar with all of Sherlock's antics, so I'm sure both John and Lestrade probably do feel the need to commiserate with each other and poke fun at Sherlock -- for the sake of their sanity if nothing else. ;-)
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Date: 2011-11-06 08:45 pm (UTC)Thank you so much,
It's abundantly clear how all three want to be there for Lestrade, how much he means to them.
I'm really happy that comes through in the story. I was hoping that people would see that John, Donovan and Sherlock (in his own special way) care about Lestrade and want to be there for him.
The IOU is so poignant, as is the subtle humour in the midst of everything, and Lestrade's attempt not to be a burden or ask for something he can't repay.
I wasn't sure what reaction people would have to the IOU, so I'm really glad you like it. I got a kick out of the idea that Lestrade would not only keep the IOU but try to use it as currency as he doesn't want to ask for something he can't repay.
The final walk with John struck the perfect note. Well done indeed!
That's so kind of you! Thanks again! :-) I'm glad you like the tone of that final walk. I was hoping to provide some hope and resolution, even it was only in terms of John and Lestrade's budding friendship.
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Date: 2011-11-06 09:23 pm (UTC)Your comment is glorious as I'm pretty sure this is the first time someone has used that particular adjective to describe something I've written! Thank you very much,
I actually have no idea where to start, I love this so much. Lestrade's first stop being Baker Street and the way both Sherlock and John took care of him was wonderful, and I loved the little observation of John's that Lestrade has trouble asking for help when it's for himself.
That means a lot to me. I'm very happy you like the way the story played out. :-D I struggled to get that hurt/comfort moment right. It wouldn't have happened if
And the way you fleshed out Donovan's character was fantastic, and this ending exchange between John and Lestrade - perfect.
I hadn't written for Donovan before, so it was a real pleasure exploring her character. I believe this was something I mentioned to
I've been kind of anxious about that final scene, so I'm thrilled you like the ending exchange between John and Lestrade. I really wasn't sure how that would be received.
I adore every word. Well done, you :)
I'm more touched than I can say! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and provide such generous feedback,
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Date: 2011-11-06 09:50 pm (UTC)Heeeee! The penguin photograph is hilarious! I can definitely see the resemblance!
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Date: 2011-11-06 10:34 pm (UTC)That's such a kind thing to say! Thank you very much,
Poor Lestrade. I really like the way you've shown his emotions and the anger that keeps coming out, because that's a very natural reaction.
I'm glad you see the anger being a natural reaction. I don't think grief is ever one emotion but several, including anger. Grief aside, I would think he hates feeling helpless and powerless. While he knows John is trying to help him, I think he resents being in a position where he needs to be helped.
And the way he's struggling to hold things together because that's what he's always done so it's hard for him to let others do things for him.
Exactly. I see him as the type who feels he has to hold things together and that it should be his responsibility alone. I think he's also used to being on the other side of things, the person who's providing help rather than receiving it.
I hope they take a picture of the penguin.
Oh, I'd be very surprised if John didn't whip out his mobile to do just that! *g* However, in case you're curious, I was picturing a Macaroni Penguin. I did a quick search online and managed to find exactly what I had imagined:
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Date: 2011-11-06 10:42 pm (UTC)Oh, that's such an incredibly sweet thing to say! Thank you! :-D I honestly wasn't expecting this kind of response! I thought I might get a few comments and some hits on AOOO, but that's it.
I'm just going to keep refreshing on AOOO! and smiling.
I've managed to go at least a couple of hours without peeking at the hits counter. I'm touched that you keep refreshing AOOO yourself. I assumed I was the only person in the entire universe doing that. *VBG*
Heeeee! The penguin photograph is hilarious! I can definitely see the resemblance!
AWESOME! I was afraid no one else would see the resemblance! I'm glad you got a kick out of the penguin photograph! I find it pretty hilarious myself! :-)
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Date: 2011-11-06 10:54 pm (UTC)Re: Squeeee!!!
Date: 2011-11-06 11:25 pm (UTC)I'm absolutely thrilled that you enjoyed it,
I know you said it would be John/Lestrade friendship fic of the angst and hurt/comfort variety, but I had no idea there would be such a poignant backstory for Lestrade and his relationship with Sherlock, or such a fine view of Donovan - one of the things that moved me most here was Lestrade's exchange with her.
I'm touched and flattered that you found the Lestrade backstory (and his relationship with Sherlock) poignant. I know I said this on A03, but I was pleasantly surprised by how the scene with Donovan turned out. I wasn't expecting her to become so emotional -- not that I'm complaining! In any case, I'm glad you found her exchange with Lestrade moving. :-)
I loved John's determination and strength, not letting Lestrade get away with being stoical and stubborn though L tries his best even in these extreme circumstances.
I would think that John is used to dealing with difficult patients, especially if he was treating soldiers, so he probably recognizes what Lestrade is doing and knows it isn't going to work. I also think that John possesses his own brand of stubbornness. He'd have to with Sherlock as his flatmate! *g*
Loved the care and affection for Lestrade that all the characters here feel, and that sense of possibility opening up at the end.
I'm so happy all of that came through! I definitely wanted to show that John, Sherlock and Donovan care about Lestrade in their own unique ways. It's also nice to know that the ending does present a sense of possibility as I'd like to think that the John and Lestrade friendship will develop and grow. :-)
*adds to memories and runs off to gloat*
Eeeeeeeee! I'm not sure if one of my stories has ever been added as a memory before! Thank you very much! :-D
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Date: 2011-11-06 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 11:41 pm (UTC)Sorry. I couldn't resist. *g* Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. It's very much appreciated. :-)
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Date: 2011-11-06 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-07 07:42 am (UTC)What an amazing gift for your friend and then for all of us!
Much has been said already but I'll try to pick some new things that I loved while in total agreement with all comments above.
I truly felt the heaviness at the beg. and have often been at that point of having one more thing to do and being so pleased at holding it together. The fact that L's exhaustion was so relatable made it even more wrenching. There were wonderful little details like his fingers gripping the door jam/jamb(?) and the tattered bit of paper. Nostalgia for boy!Sherlock leaving an IOU which was such a sweet little kid thing and so avoidance based.
I like how at the end, John is the vulnerable one, initiating more of a friendship even though Lestrade is resisting only because he thinks he can't offer much. They both seem to have mushy moment hangover and get kinda butch which is one of the main rules from the guy manual. After a guy cries (only acceptable if he has lost a wife or child or some sports record has been broken), he should push his guy friends away, talk about sports, and if possible, hit something.
I don't think Sherlock was a prat. He was right in character. It is very hard to deduce someone close to you, esp. someone who is fiercely guarded. Besides, Lestrade himself was shocked by the depths of his grief.
I'm praying the fanart gods will smile on this story. A John/Lestrade hug would make it everybody's birthday and Christmas combined.
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Date: 2011-11-07 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 02:46 am (UTC)OMIGOD! That's WONDERFUL! I know it sounds terrible, but I was hoping this story might make someone cry. Granted, I wasn't expecting tears through three reads. Hell, I wasn't expecting three reads. *g* Thank you very much for sharing that with me,
What an amazing gift for your friend and then for all of us!
That's such an incredibly kind thing to say! Thank you! :-D
Much has been said already but I'll try to pick some new things that I loved while in total agreement with all comments above.
You're, like, the best reader EVER! Thank you! It's very sweet of you to go to so much trouble! :-D
I truly felt the heaviness at the beg. and have often been at that point of having one more thing to do and being so pleased at holding it together. The fact that L's exhaustion was so relatable made it even more wrenching.
I'm so glad all of that came across successfully, that you could feel the heaviness at the beginning and relate to Lestrade's exhaustion. We've probably all had days when just the thought of climbing a set of stairs seems like too much.
There were wonderful little details like his fingers gripping the door jam/jamb(?) and the tattered bit of paper.
*Blushes* I'm really happy you like those little details. I have to confess that description isn't one of my strengths, though I've been trying to improve in that area. I think it helps that I could picture both of these details so clearly -- and can still picture them now.
Nostalgia for boy!Sherlock leaving an IOU which was such a sweet little kid thing and so avoidance based.
You know what? I never thought of that! Leaving that IOU is a rather boyish thing to do, not to mention a good avoidance tactic. At the time, I was thinking of it as Sherlock's way of trying to show gratitude without having to deal with any messy emotions. And, of course, that is avoidance! Well spotted,
I like how at the end, John is the vulnerable one, initiating more of a friendship even though Lestrade is resisting only because he thinks he can't offer much.
And there's another one! You're absolutely right. John is the vulnerable one. He's the one who puts himself out there by offering Lestrade friendship.
They both seem to have mushy moment hangover and get kinda butch which is one of the main rules from the guy manual. After a guy cries (only acceptable if he has lost a wife or child or some sports record has been broken), he should push his guy friends away, talk about sports, and if possible, hit something.
LOL! Too true! *g* I'm glad their behaviour seems realistic in terms of what men might do. :-)
I don't think Sherlock was a prat. He was right in character. It is very hard to deduce someone close to you, esp. someone who is fiercely guarded. Besides, Lestrade himself was shocked by the depths of his grief.
I'm very happy you think Sherlock was in character. While
I'm praying the fanart gods will smile on this story. A John/Lestrade hug would make it everybody's birthday and Christmas combined.
That would be fantastic, but I think the fanart gods usually just favour popular writers. Of course, stranger things have happened, so you never know. ;-)
Thank you very much for your generous feedback,
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Date: 2011-11-08 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 03:31 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and commenting,
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Date: 2011-11-09 10:12 pm (UTC)was thinking about John stroking Lestrade's hair. I can see that but I want them to film it, dammit.
So I still cried but in a different spot. Donovan's recounting of Lestrade seeing the body and her worries about such a difficult case with such a personal stake got me this time. When Lestrade said, "Just do your job, Sally, that will be enough." whoa, more tears, deep breath.
I noticed Lestrade's voice more on this go round. He's got that edge, very sarcastic. So real, so in character. Made me smile through tears.
I know you are semi retired from fan fic now so I'm grateful for this brief re-appearance. Based on this offering, you really should be writing for publication and I hope you'll let us know on here when your published work is available.
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Date: 2011-11-10 05:57 am (UTC)LOL! You have to be the nicest reader ever! I'm thrilled this fic is something you've wanted to re-read! :-D Actually, I can relate. I've done the same with other stories myself, especially if they included hurt/comfort.
was thinking about John stroking Lestrade's hair. I can see that but I want them to film it, dammit.
Oh, that would be wonderful to see on film, but, unfortunately, I don't think it's likely to happen. However, I do have something else for you, though it will pale vastly in comparison. I originally read this comment just before leaving work, and your desire to see John stroking Lestrade's hair inspired me to pick up a pencil and take a stab at some fanart. I actually used to sketch a lot when I was younger, but I'm seriously out of practice now. It, uh, probably shows. *g*
So I still cried but in a different spot. Donovan's recounting of Lestrade seeing the body and her worries about such a difficult case with such a personal stake got me this time. When Lestrade said, "Just do your job, Sally, that will be enough." whoa, more tears, deep breath.
Oh, that's interesting! I wonder if the shift occurred because you were in a different mood or mindset when you read the story this time. Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad that part struck an emotional chord. I know a writer shouldn't say this about her own work, but I also get a little choked up with that bit of dialogue between Lestrade and Donovan.
I noticed Lestrade's voice more on this go round. He's got that edge, very sarcastic. So real, so in character. Made me smile through tears.
Oh, thank you! I'm glad Lestrade's voice worked for you and you felt he was in character. It's also great to know that you felt he had that edge and it made you smile through your tears. :-) I know you read this already (because I saw your comment), but the best example I've seen recently of Lestrade's voice has been
I know you are semi retired from fan fic now so I'm grateful for this brief re-appearance.
Actually, I really suck at this retirement thing (having made several reappearances), but I'm going to try to put fic aside for at least a few months. *g*
Based on this offering, you really should be writing for publication and I hope you'll let us know on here when your published work is available.
That's extremely kind of you to say! Thank you very much,
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Date: 2011-11-10 06:48 am (UTC)I don't think anybody has drawn me a pic before, other than some refrigerator art. Means a lot to me that you took the time. The words were already making my tummy do that funny flip like butterflies and roller coasters. The pic sent me into another level of squee. It's stick figures for me or i did dabble in watercolors and they were all oceanscapes so I could just draw two lines on the paper, one for water and one for sand. lol
My prayers were answered. The fanart gods did smile on this fic.
Hoping you won't feel weird but I am still tearing up as I glance at your words about Sally. You've got real power; use it for good! Morgan's story was excellent too, glad of any and all recs.
Asking this here in case someone else wonders. All of your SH fic is on your masterlist under Fic that Slipped Through? I don't want to miss anything. :)
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Date: 2011-11-10 05:46 pm (UTC)Thank you! You're welcome to comment as much as you'd like -- whether you find me gracious or not. *g*
I don't think anybody has drawn me a pic before, other than some refrigerator art. Means a lot to me that you took the time. The words were already making my tummy do that funny flip like butterflies and roller coasters. The pic sent me into another level of squee. It's stick figures for me or i did dabble in watercolors and they were all oceanscapes so I could just draw two lines on the paper, one for water and one for sand. lol
I'm so happy you like it. :-) I shrank it down to fit the comment space better, so let me know if you'd like it in a bigger size. And, hey, there's nothing wrong with oceanscapes. In fact, my favourite painter is Turner, who seemed to paint quite a few of them. ;-)
My prayers were answered. The fanart gods did smile on this fic.
Well...I'm not sure if it counts if the writer herself creates the fanart. I also think that if the fanart gods were really smiling, they would have provided a much better artist. *g*
Hoping you won't feel weird but I am still tearing up as I glance at your words about Sally. You've got real power; use it for good!
No, I don't feel weird about it at all. I'm extremely flattered that any part of the story would move you to tears. :-)
Morgan's story was excellent too, glad of any and all recs.
I'm slowly compiling a list of Sherlock bookmarks on pinboard (https://pinboard.in/u:rusty_armour). I'll try to add some more this weekend. You might also find something you like in my AO3 bookmarks (http://archiveofourown.org/users/rusty_armour/bookmarks).
Asking this here in case someone else wonders. All of your SH fic is on your masterlist under Fic that Slipped Through? I don't want to miss anything. :)
That's right. I probably should have made a separate heading, but I wasn't expecting to slip that much. *g* There's only the three Sherlock stories (as I've never been very prolific), though I've also written three stories (two of which are very bizarre) for Rupert Graves film projects. If it's easier, you can also find my Sherlock fic under the Sherlock fandom category (http://archiveofourown.org/users/rusty_armour/works?selected_tags[]=133185) of my AO3 profile.
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Date: 2011-11-11 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-11 04:39 am (UTC)As you handle angst so well in your own stories, it's great to know that the angst in this fic worked for you. :-D
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Date: 2012-02-07 02:10 am (UTC)I hope things are going well with your original fic and that the winter has not been too unkind.
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Date: 2012-02-07 03:46 am (UTC)That's so incredibly kind of you,
Speaking of fic, please forgive me for neglecting the stories you've been posting. I've been so behind with fic lately and just can't seem to catch up. If nothing else, I plan to read your longer works soon. :-)
I hope things are going well with your original fic and that the winter has not been too unkind.
It's very sweet of you to remember my original fic! :-) Happily, the original fic has been going pretty well. Okay, it would be nice if the writing was going a little faster, but at least I am writing and everything finally seems to be coming together. I'm also glad to report that winter has been ridiculously mild. As I was telling another American a short time ago, we reached a high of about 45 F in Toronto this afternoon. It's colder now -- and should be for the rest of the week. However, I don't think it's going to be much colder than 20-30 F. It's very strange.
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Date: 2012-02-07 03:59 am (UTC)Our winter has been insanely mild as well. I haven't got my winter coat out yet. knock on wood. Totally a god thing with me being jobless, i have not had to run the heat but a few cold nights.
I don't believe in tit for tat so read if something interests you, but no social obligation. my input is quite slow and it's a very strange and eclectic mess that has come out, totally beyond my imagination. I never wanted to write in this fandom.
You are still writing! yay! oh, that is good news. Let us know when we can get it.
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Date: 2012-02-07 05:47 pm (UTC)Well, considering how generous you were with your feedback, I think drawing a picture was the least I could do! *g*
Our winter has been insanely mild as well. I haven't got my winter coat out yet. knock on wood.
That must be nice! We have had some very cold, snowy days, but not many and none very recently.
Totally a god thing with me being jobless, i have not had to run the heat but a few cold nights.
I'm sorry you're jobless at the moment. It's great that you haven't had to run the heat much this winter and could save some money. :-)
I don't believe in tit for tat so read if something interests you, but no social obligation.
I saw at least a couple of stories that looked really appealing to me, so I can honestly say that I won't be reading out of social obligation. :-)
my input is quite slow and it's a very strange and eclectic mess that has come out, totally beyond my imagination.
I'm one of the slowest writers on the planet, so I don't throw stones. I've also written some extremely bizarre stories, so I can relate to having an out of control imagination. *g*
I never wanted to write in this fandom.
I'm sure you're not the only person who feels that way. I'll admit that I wanted to write fic for Sherlock, but I was supposed to be retired and shouldn't have been writing fic of any kind. *g*
You are still writing! yay! oh, that is good news. Let us know when we can get it.
I'm touched by your support and encouragement. Thank you. :-) Right now I'm just focusing on finishing the thing (which could take a while), but I'll certainly let you know when there is something you can read.