Is it Pure Malice on my Part or Simply Human Nature?

[rusty_armour]

Is it wrong of me to take perverse pleasure from the fact that my manager has sprained his ankle? To put things in perspective, he didn’t give me one ounce of sympathy when I sprained my ankle last summer. When I called in to explain my plight, he didn’t ask me if I was okay. He basically just implied that I should get back to work as soon as possible. Even as I limped around the office and sat with my foot propped up on my recycling bin, he didn’t say a word. [Of course, no one in the entire office said anything, but I’ll save that for another therapy session.] Hell, when a younger prettier co-worker had an eye infection, he went on and on about it for days, hoping that she would be okay and expecting her to take as much time as she needed to recover. Bastard.

Maybe a better person (who doesn’t hold grudges that last for years at a time) would feel sorry for the guy. I mean, it’s not like I want him to be in pain. Much. However, there’s some sick part of me that’s jumping up and down in gleeful and malevolent delight. I suppose I should feel guilty or something. I don't.

You know, now that I’ve thought about it, I don’t think this is malice or human nature. It’s pure and unadulterated EVIL. And PMS. Definitely PMS. Did I mention the PMS? I’ve been wanting to hurt various co-workers all week, especially the guy who sits near my cubicle and goes through cycles where he has to clear his throat every two minutes. I’ve been able to block him out part of the time with my CD walkman, but there have been other times (darker times) when I’ve pictured him dying in horrific ways…DIE! DIE! DIE! *laughs insanely*

Oooookay. Perhaps I’ve revealed too much. Uh…I’ll just be going now to, uh…have myself committed. Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I’ll see you in…oh…maybe a few years.

Comments

Grudge-holding

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about grudge-holding since only last summer. I've had one going against my Mum for about 30 years.

Yup - I have the memory of an extremely selective elephant.

Re: Grudge-holding

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Wow. 30 years *is* a long time. Well, I'm sure I could work up to that if I really tried.

I totally get the extremely selective elephant memory. I'm afraid I suffer from that too. And even if I do forgive someone, I can't always forget. It's kind of a stumbling block when it comes to personal growth and general mental health. *g*

[anitamaid.livejournal.com]

Can I just echo that: BASTARD! Don't like the sound of your manager at all:(

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

In his defence, he's not a BASTARD all the time. But he does have his moments. *g* I think his main problem is lack of sensitivity, which is something I've seen in other men. I don't think it's deliberate most of time. It's basically a character flaw, I guess.

I'll admit that I don't have the best relationship with my manager and I think we're usually quite happy to avoid each other if we can. He sometimes pops by my cubicle to see if I'm actually still alive and working for the company, but this is usually when he's bored or he's in my area to speak to someone else. And aren't I sounding like the Melodrama Queen? *g* Okaaay, he does come to speak to me about work-related issues too. In fact, most of the time he acts like a manager. There are just certain occasions when he can be a bit of a bastard.

[anitamaid.livejournal.com]

Hm, I'm becoming more and more sceptic to managers and bosses the older I get... The ones (two) I have at the moment are quite mad! towards all the staff - unfortunately. Powersick is one of the terms I could use on them.

Lack of sensitivity is not good at all :(

[jackycomelately.livejournal.com]

You have to embrace your inner bitch. It only becomes damaging to you if you mix it up with guilt and other unhealthy things. You must be psychopathic in your grudges. Plus, as I've said before, that was poetic justice!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! I think I've become a little too good at embracing my inner bitch. You're obviously have a bad influence on me. *g* Still, you make a good point. If you're going to hold a grudge, you should be psychopathic about it. I'm not sure if it counts as a real grudge if you don't.

I'm glad you think it was poetic justice. With all that inner bitchiness I was embracing, I wasn't sure. ;-)