Dazed and Confused...

[rusty_armour]

Are mothers imbued with some kind of mystical power when they give birth? I mean, I'll expect a certain reaction from my own mom and she'll totally surprise me. I'm ashamed and embarrassed, but I basically out and out lied to my parents about my financial situation. When I visited my parents on Saturday, my dad kindly offered to loan me money to pay off the balance on one of my credit cards. As I knew he'd freak out when I told him the full amount, I named a lower balance. He still freaked out, saying, "Good God! You're as bad as your mother!" Anywaaaay, he still agreed to pay this balance and told me that when I got home I should call him to give him the exact balance. As I was hoping he would never have to see the actual statement (Yes, I really am this stupid), I basically read off the balance, but changed a rather crucial number. We then agreed that I would make my monthly minimum payment and he would pay off the rest (e.g. the figure I'd given him) on Tuesday (as today is a holiday). By the time I got off the phone, I was having a mini panic attack and hoped he would never ever find out that I'd lied to him.

Yesterday, I got a call from my mom who asked me how I was feeling (as I woke up with a cold on Valentine's Day) and whether I needed anything, etc. Then she informed me that my dad would need my credit card statement after all as he could then go to the bank and make the payment. She asked me to scan the credit card statement and send it to her before Tuesday. Instead of 'fessing up there and then, I just agreed, finished off the conversation, and then flew into a panic. Well, as much of a panic as a drugged up person with congestion, fever, and a runny nose can get into. I think I washed some dishes and cried a little. Then I proceeded to just push it out of my mind because I couldn't deal with it and my coping strategy (which isn't a coping strategy at all) is to ignore a problem and hope it will go away. So I basically tried not to think about it for the rest of the day, arguing that I could give my parents one day when they weren't angry at me or possibly losing sleep because they didn't use contraception when they had the chance. Ironically, the following day would be Family Day, which seemed fitting somehow.

Of course, you can only ignore a problem for so long before you actually have to deal with it, so I scanned the credit card statement this morning and emailed it to my mom. Then I phoned her to let her know that I'd sent the statement and to make my big pathetic confession. I was expecting her to be angry or at least sound a little disappointed, but she didn't sound upset at all. When I told her that she was taking the news a lot better than I thought she would, she said that she'd been there and she understood. And I think she meant it. I mean, I don't think it was a delayed reaction or anything. She is good at math, so maybe she'd already worked out that I'd lied about the full amount based on the minimum payment my dad subtracted from the figure I'd quoted. Or maybe she took pity on me because I'm sick. Well, I'm sure she was a lot more vocal about it once she got off the phone. I just hope my dad didn't go too ballistic because then my mom will have to deal with it. I did tell her that Danna could call me if he wanted to rant, though I admitted that it might not register as well since I'm drugged up on cold medication. If he's smart, he'll wait until I'm better and then tell me off.

Well, that was cathartic for me and probably as boring as hell for you. However, my vast stupidity might make some people feel better about themselves. Man, I thought I was bad, but rusty_armour is an idiot. *g*

Comments

[avictoriangirl]

Oh hon. *smooshes you* Don't feel so bad about it. We've all done stuff like this. Hell, I lied to my parents for years about my abusive relationship (yes, I was that stupid! feel any better? :P) with my ex-boyfriend because I was so ashamed and embarrassed about it. Parents always find out the truth eventually. ;)

Then I proceeded to just push it out of my mind because I couldn't deal with it and my coping strategy (which isn't a coping strategy at all) is to ignore a problem and hope it will go away.
This? *points* This is my coping strategy exactly! XD

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Oh hon. *smooshes you* Don't feel so bad about it. We've all done stuff like this. Hell, I lied to my parents for years about my abusive relationship (yes, I was that stupid! feel any better? :P) with my ex-boyfriend because I was so ashamed and embarrassed about it. Parents always find out the truth eventually. ;)

Yikes! I'm so sorry you had to go through that, avictoriangirl! I'm glad you're free of that relationship and things are much better now. And you're absolutely right about parents always finding out the truth eventually. I used to think it was because I'm such a bad liar, but I'm sure it's mostly because the truth always comes out in the end.

Then I proceeded to just push it out of my mind because I couldn't deal with it and my coping strategy (which isn't a coping strategy at all) is to ignore a problem and hope it will go away.

This? *points* This is my coping strategy exactly! XD

LOL! Oh, it's so nice to know that I'm not the only ostrich around! *g* It's so stupid of me because I'm old enough to know better, but that just seems to be my default setting when it comes to problems.

[radiogaga80.livejournal.com]

*gives rusty a virtual bear hug*
You've read my LJ so you know what my situation is like - my bank account will be in a state of utter shock when I get my first salary next week. *g* Financial problems SUCK big time and I know how it feels having to ask your parents to bail you out. Still, take comfort knowing that you're not the only one going through this and that you have a great set of parents. :)

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for the virtual bear hug! :-) I think the worse thing about having to turn to my parents is that I don't want to be a burden. I moved out years ago and I feel that they shouldn't have to bail me out anymore. However, my mom was telling me on Saturday that she got a loan from her own father when she was about my age. However, she was a mother of two and not living on her own like I am. Still, it's good to know that I'm not the only person who's gone through this.

You're much more sensible than me, so I probably don't have to tell you this. However, learn from my example and try not to get into serious debt. I know it will be tempting to spend that first salary on things you want, but try to use at least some of it to pay off any bills you have. If possible, set some of that money aside. Of course, that's often easier said than done. Once you move out, you discover that it's a lot harder to set money aside because you're using it to pay for things like food and rent. Still, I'm going to make a serious effort to be more careful in the future.

[radiogaga80.livejournal.com]

In all fairness... the cause of my money problem was that there wasn't money coming in - at all *g*. My student loan is my main debt but I don't have to start paying that one until I get a steady income *and* I've managed to keep it fairly low. I reckon my main savior is the fact that buying with credit cards isn't that common around here. I do have one but only use it so I can buy schoolbooks online. I've tried to be as careful as I can with my money but when there's only money going out... Am hopeful for the future. :)

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

That's true. You have a legitimate excuse for having poor finances! *g* Well, things will definitely improve once you have a steady income, and it sounds like you're already very sensible where money is concerned. Once again, I don't need to tell you this, but focus on paying down that student loan and try to limit your credit card use to things you really need it for, such as online textbooks.

You have every reason to be hopeful for the future. I hope your new job is satisfying and fulfilling. :-)

[puckrobin.livejournal.com]

You're definitely not the only person to go through this. (Not specifically with credit cards, but I've certainly been helped more times than I'd like.)

Allen

P.S.: That said, there is a large part of me that almost wants my job to end soon (50 percent chance of that, I'd say) just so I can justify having some time off. Stupid I know.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

You're definitely not the only person to go through this. (Not specifically with credit cards, but I've certainly been helped more times than I'd like.)

Allen

Well, at least in your case, you were dealing with issues like an unemployment. It's understandable that finances would be a problem and you'd need a helping hand. :-)

P.S.: That said, there is a large part of me that almost wants my job to end soon (50 percent chance of that, I'd say) just so I can justify having some time off. Stupid I know.

No, I wouldn't say that. February is usually the worst month of the year for me, so I can understand how time off would be appealing. Maybe you'll be offered a job in another department, but there will be a delay and you won't have to start right away...

[puckrobin.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the only place I could afford to go at the moment would be something like Ottawa - which would be fun, but I'd rather wait until it warms up.

And my parents have slipped me money even when I've had a job. It's very common in our generation. It happens - doesn't reflect on you at all as a person.

At least you have a respectable career. An ex of mine once asked me how best she should lie about my jobs to her friends.

Allen

[windrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord, I have so been there. *HUGS*

Also? I owe you email, but I can't seem to find your addy. Mine is windrose zero seven at aol dot com.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It makes me feel a lot better to hear that! :-)

I'm not sure if I ever gave you my regular email. I'll send you a message right now so that you'll have it. Thanks for giving me your own address. :-)

[crew4.livejournal.com]

*hugs* it's not so bad you know. I know you feel like an idiot now, but you won't do it again will you? That's what parents (especially mothers) are for. You're learning a lesson even now at this age. Most of the stuff we go through our parents have done it already, just like your mum. She learnt the hard way and so have you :-) And don't feel embarassed about the finanical problems, again it's all part of being an adult and I've never met anyone who hasn't been there at least once.

Oh *points to avictoriangirl* I'm with her. I cope the same way :-/

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

*hugs* it's not so bad you know. I know you feel like an idiot now, but you won't do it again will you? That's what parents (especially mothers) are for. You're learning a lesson even now at this age. Most of the stuff we go through our parents have done it already, just like your mum. She learnt the hard way and so have you :-) And don't feel embarassed about the finanical problems, again it's all part of being an adult and I've never met anyone who hasn't been there at least once.

Well, that's one thing I've got going for me. I usually don't make the same mistake twice, especially if I've learned a lesson the hard way. I guess it's a good thing I'm going through something that most adults have gone through at some point -- not that my parents wouldn't be supportive if it were outside their realm of experience. Still, it cuts down on the shame factor when other people (like your mom and good friends) tell you they've gone through the same thing. I guess it's better that I learn the lesson sooner rather than later and deal with the problem before it becomes even more serious.

Oh *points to avictoriangirl* I'm with her. I cope the same way :-/

I shouldn't say this, but it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one with crappy coping skills. *g*

[lazy-8s.livejournal.com]

Oh, please, you are so not alone! I used to do the ostrich routine on regular basis, and my parents always knew, always. I'm sad to say that playing the role of the ostrich has followed me into other areas of my life, but I'm still standing.

So, don't be too hard on yourself and take comfort in the fact that your parents love you, even when you feel that you are made of fail.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much, lazy_8s! It's comforting to know I'm not alone in regard to the ostrich routine or the parents who always seem to know. I think right now I'm just dealing with my own guilt and shame. I know my parents still love me despite my many faults. And, as my mom always says, "This too will pass." :-)

[lazigyrl.livejournal.com]

Honey, parents get that stuff and can be surprisingly understanding about how maybe you didn't want them to know how much because, well, you just couldn't handle saying that at that amount to them.

And parents, they like still be needed once and a while after the kiddies have grown.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Honey, parents get that stuff and can be surprisingly understanding about how maybe you didn't want them to know how much because, well, you just couldn't handle saying that at that amount to them.

Yeah, I think my parents do get it. Considering how reluctant I was to discuss my financial situation in the first place, they must have understood why I had a hard time telling them the full amount.

And parents, they like still be needed once and a while after the kiddies have grown.

It's taken a while, but I think I'm finally starting to get that. I just assumed that it would be a huge relief when I left home and wasn't a burden on them anymore. However, I can't visit without my mom or dad going down to the pantry (e.g. the closet in the basement) to get me food they just happened to buy in bulk. On Saturday, the list of goodies included a tin of soup, some buns, a couple of rolls of toilet paper and even some shower gel. I keep telling my mom it's too much, but I think it makes her happy in some strange, perverse way. *g*

[tazzles.livejournal.com]

Awwww, sweetie. *glomp*

It's nice that your folks are willing to help you out. By the sounds of it, your mum has been there (perhaps that means your dad was there by default, who knows?), so she can understand your situation. I'm sure they understand that it wasn't on frivolous things (I mean, you didn't just buy 100 pairs of expensive shoes, right? ;) ). I think parents understand because they've usually been in a similar situation before (not always, but sometimes). Hell knows, my credit card situation isn't the best (it's bad. But once I'm back from my holiday, I'm paying them all off!).

Your coping strategy is way different to mine. I tend to eat excessive amounts of chocolate and drink lots of caffeinated beverages. Yours is probably healthier. ;)

Hope you're feeling better.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Awwww, sweetie. *glomp*

It's nice that your folks are willing to help you out. By the sounds of it, your mum has been there (perhaps that means your dad was there by default, who knows?), so she can understand your situation. I'm sure they understand that it wasn't on frivolous things (I mean, you didn't just buy 100 pairs of expensive shoes, right? ;) ). I think parents understand because they've usually been in a similar situation before (not always, but sometimes).

I probably shouldn't say this, but my mom has been there. In fact, she was there fairly recently and my dad understands because he bailed her out... *g* However, I know both my parents understand that the money wasn't spent on frivolous things. My dad was initially blaming the credit card company for charging such high interest rates -- and the government for allowing them to get away with it.

Hell knows, my credit card situation isn't the best (it's bad. But once I'm back from my holiday, I'm paying them all off!).

I hope your own credit card situation improves. It would be great if you could pay them all off when you return from your holiday. :-)

Your coping strategy is way different to mine. I tend to eat excessive amounts of chocolate and drink lots of caffeinated beverages. Yours is probably healthier. ;)

Actually...eating excessive amounts of chocolate is a coping strategy of mine. However, I'm sure the chocolate I consumed over the weekend was due to the large supply I received for Valentine's Day... *g*

Hope you're feeling better.

Yes, I am feeling better. I mean, I'm not at 100%, and I've been going through an insane number of tissues, but I was well enough this morning to go into work.

[puckrobin.livejournal.com]

Actually...eating excessive amounts of chocolate is a coping strategy of mine. However, I'm sure the chocolate I consumed over the weekend was due to the large supply I received for Valentine's Day... *g*

Geez, I drop out of sight for a while and I miss all the interesting gossip.

Allen

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Uh, no. The gossip isn't as interesting as you think. My family gave me the chocolate. If you want really interesting gossip, you'll have to find it on someone else's LJ. *g*

[puckrobin.livejournal.com]

Any suggestions where I should look?

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid you're on your own when it comes to that quest! *g*

[alysscarlet.livejournal.com]

Awww *hugs*

And you tell the story so well. ;-P

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the *hugs* and the compliment! :-) I figured this story would bore most people to tears! *g*

[njc2007.livejournal.com]

Parents really like to feel needed. I visited my folks once and they decided to give me $100. Rather than just give it to me, they each gave me $50 and made me promise not to tell the other. Of course, I called them on it just so we could all laugh at the game. I know them too well. Mom never, ever gave anything away without Dad's approval.

I have been in desperate financial shape a few times. Hell, I didn't even tell hubby about the $10,000 I racked up in debt. I just worked at paying it down and managed to pay it off (finally) from the house sale proceeds. I am currently debt-free. You will get there too. Just be honest with your parents from now on. Let them know exactly how you're doing. Let them see the baby steps and missteps and they will help cheer you along the way. Watching you try and succeed will give them as much enjoyment as it will give to you. By the way, they probably feel responsible for what's been happening to you. They likely feel they failed to teach you something necessary to your survival. Don't play on their guilt. That never works. Just reassure them that they did everything they could and that you are grateful for their help.

I've kinda rambled. I'm not even going to reread what I wrote, so if it doesn't make sense, you'll understand why.

*passes tissues and gives big hugs*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think you rambled at all! It's great to hear a story of someone who's debt-free! Thanks for sharing that story and for giving me such excellent advice! :-)

Well, I'm hoping my parents don't feel responsible for my current situation because it really is my own damn fault. However, I'll definitely keep them in the loop. I probably couldn't keep them out of the loop even if I wanted to! *g*