Title: The Crazy Kitty Caper or the Grand Adventures of Pirate John (2/2)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: McShep
Summary: John must play the hero to prove his love for...Rodney's cat.
Category: Slash, Crossover, Action Figures
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None I can think of.
Disclaimer: Thou Shalt Not Steal. Even in the interest of fic. Most of these characters aren't mine. I, uh, borrowed them. Yeah.
Author's Notes: This fic was written for

pyrateanny on her birthday! Here's wishing her many happy returns! :-) For background on Rodney's cat, please check out this link.

However, there was something below to break John’s fall. As it happened, giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes had just been strolling past the kitchen when a plastic projectile knocked him flat.

Barely believing his luck, John quickly scrambled off giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes, who sat up and studied the plastic man before him.

“Hey, buddy, are you okay?” John asked. “I’m so sorry about, uh, landing on you like that.”

“Think nothing of it, my dear fellow,” giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes said, “though I would advise you to exhibit more caution in future. Falling from a great height can be frightfully bad for your health.”

John raised an eyebrow. “You don’t say.”

Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes nodded gravely. “I do say, sir, and I should know. I’ve written a monograph on the subject.”

John plopped down on the floor beside giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes and, although he knew he’d regret it, he asked, “You wrote a monograph on the subject?”

Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes smiled around his pipe. “I first observed that falling from a great height was dangerous in the spring of ’91,” he said. “It during a brief sojourn in Meiringen, Switzerland – Reichenbach Falls, to be precise. You see – ”

“Sheppard!” shouted a voice. “Johhhhnnnn!”

John’s brow furrowed. “Rodney?”

John had just risen to his feet, when Rodney came hurtling towards him, throwing both arms around his neck.

“Oh thank God!” Rodney cried. “When I saw you fall off the kitchen counter, I thought you were a dead man for sure!”

“I probably would have been if it wasn’t for our friend here,” said John, jerking his head towards giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes.

Rodney engulfed a horrified giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes in a hug. “I don’t know how to thank you! You saved his life!”

“What is he doing?” gasped giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes.

John bit back a laugh. “I think Rodney’s just showing his gratitude, but I can’t be absolutely sure because it’s not something that happens very often.”

“Yes, well…I’m used to enduring the occasional embrace from an overly emotional female client,” giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes said, “but I’ve never been involved in such an entanglement with a tiny plastic man.”

“Hey!” came a muffled voice from somewhere against giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes’s squishy face. “I’m not tiny! Ask John! He’ll tell you!”

“It’s true,” John said. “He’s not.”

Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes pulled away from Rodney and rose hastily from the ground. “You’ll have to
excuse me, gentlemen. I…uh…There’s an urgent case that requires my immediate attention! The game’s afoot!”

“Ah, don’t be sad,” John said. “You’ll always have outside the kitchen.”

Rodney snorted. “Riiigghht.” Then he turned, clutching at the lapels of John’s jacket. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I started to worry as soon as I saw those metal spider-thingies appear. It’s a good thing I had K-9 as my backup plan. It would have been awful if Earhart had gotten hurt.”

“Backup plan?” Sheppard asked, and Rodney’s eyes widened when he realized that he’d probably said too much. He released John’s jacket and tried to move away, but John had a tight grip on his arm. “Did you put the cat up there, Rodney?”

“Umm…maybe,” Rodney said. When John glared at him, Rodney raised both hands defensively. “Look, I did it with the best intentions! I figured that if Earhart was in trouble, you’d have to play the hero and rescue him, realizing your true feelings in the process.”

“My true feelings?” Sheppard growled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rodney sighed. “Your true feelings about Earhart, you moron. I know you’ve only been pretending to hate him and that you actually love him deep down inside.”

Sheppard scowled. “That’s crazy.”

“Is it?” Rodney asked.

As if on cue, Earhart arrived and began rubbing his face against John’s leg.

“Uggh!” John said. “What’s he doing?”

Rodney gazed down at his cat affectionately. “He’s marking your leg with his scent glands.”

“Uh, why?” John asked.

“To mark you as his possession,” Rodney said. He bent down to give Earhart a quick pat on the head before adding, “You should pick him up. He’d like that.”

John grimaced. “Amelia might like it, but it doesn’t mean I will. What’s in it for me?”

Rodney laid a hand on John’s chest and batted his eyelashes at him. “Remember that role-playing fantasy you told me about? The one where you’re a pirate?”

A few seconds later, Earhart was in John’s arms. John stood stiffly for a moment and then tentatively reached out
to stroke Earhart’s head. Earhart began purring instantly, and John couldn’t quite hide the goofy grin on his face.

John had forgotten how soothing a cat’s purr could be. It reminded him a bit of how a plane
would sound when he started the engine. There was even that same subtle vibration.

And cats were soft, cuddly, and warm…

“Right!” Rodney said, grabbing Earhart from John, “I think that’s enough for today. We probably shouldn’t rush things. Baby steps and all that.”

John pouted. “Well, if I can’t hold your cat, you’d better give me something else to hold, Rodney.”

Some time later...

“Okay,” Rodney said. “When we previously discussed your pirate fantasy, this isn’t what I’d pictured.”

“Well, that’s funny because it’s always how I’d pictured it.” Adjusting his eye patch, John looked Rodney up and down, making no attempt to hide his leer. “Of course, if you’d like to discuss terms, I’m always willing to negotiate,” he said. “I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement if you name the right price. Just what are you willing to offer me, Rodney…?”