Fic: Dogsbody (4/13)

[rusty_armour]

Title: Dogsbody (4/13)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: Lester/Quinn
Summary: Lester is forced to depend on the people around him when he finds himself in a strange and startling predicament.
Word Count: 2,220
Rating: Slash, PG-13
Spoilers: S3 in general
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or the shiny prehistoric creatures. I just played with them for a while and then returned them to the toy chest.
A/N: I was inspired to write this fic after reading knitekat’s Under the Moonlight, the first story in the Under the Moonlight wolfverse. Although I had intended to post this as a serial, the original plan was to finish the story first, as I swore to myself that I wouldn’t commit another crime of WIP. However, as so often happens, this story ended up being longer and more complicated than I’d imagined. Reality has also been rearing its ugly head and there are other commitments I can’t put off any longer, so…WIP. Well, at least this time, a large portion of the story has already been written, so I think most of the posts should be delivered in a timely fashion.

This is a sequel to Ps & Qs and Better Late Than Never, though this could probably be read as a stand-alone. As you’ll quickly realize, this story is complete crack and unapologetically self-indulgent. I’ve had a lot of fun writing this – probably too much fun. *g*

I’d like to give a big thanks to lukadreaming for the Brit-check beta.

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Lester was slightly horrified when Abby not only drove him home that night, but also stayed in the flat. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d finally got rid of Connor and now he was stuck with Connor’s girlfriend…or would-be girlfriend. Lester had lost track of what Abby’s official status was.

As if reading Lester’s thoughts, Abby said, “Look, someone has to take care of you. It’s not as if you can feed and walk yourself, is it?”

Unfortunately, she did have a point.

“If you’d rather have someone else stay with you, that’s fine with me.”

Lester barked twice without hesitation. It was bad enough that he had to humiliate himself in front of Abby, without more of his staff getting in on the act. At least Abby seemed to know what she was doing and had been surprisingly sympathetic through this whole nightmare. She was also a known quantity and, if Lester was going to be entirely honest, he liked and trusted the girl.

“So, do you want me to stay?” Abby asked.

Lester barked once then made a casual effort to scratch behind one ear, but Abby was smiling down at him.

“I’m going to pour out some dry dog food and get you some fresh water,” Abby said. “Then I’m going to raid your fridge.”

As Abby headed for the kitchen, Lester sprawled out on his living room floor. The full enormity of his situation had started to sink in, and Lester was wondering what he was going to do if his condition became permanent. What would he tell Joanna and the kids? How would he tell Joanna and the kids? It was one thing using alphabet blocks with Abby and Connor, but Jeremy had just started learning to read.

Would Joanna take him in? The kids kept saying they wanted a dog, but it would probably be a different story if that dog was their father. Lester knew he couldn’t turn to Danny. Even if Danny hadn’t been freaked out by what had happened, it wasn’t fair to burden him with this. They hadn’t been together that long – certainly not long enough for Danny to be saddled with the responsibility of being his boyfriend’s caretaker.

“Is it okay if I make an omelet?” Abby was standing in front of Lester holding a box of eggs in one hand and an onion and red pepper in the other.

Lester gave a single bark and then propped his head on his front paws again. He could feel Abby’s eyes linger on him for a moment before she disappeared inside the kitchen again.

Not long after that, the smell of eggs cooking wafted from the kitchen. Lester was surprised that he still found the scent appealing, but then he remembered that dogs seemed quite happy to eat anything and everything. He would have to fight the urge to beg Abby for scraps at the table. However, as it turned out, Abby didn’t eat at the table.

When Abby returned to the living room with her meal, Lester braced himself, assuming that she was going to try eating on his pristine white settee, but Abby plopped down on the floor. Lester got to his feet and padded over to the tub of alphabet blocks, pushing it over to Abby with his nose. Abby set down her fork and removed the lid from the tub, dumping the blocks on the floor. As Abby lifted her fork again, Lester began arranging blocks in front of her.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

“I hate eating alone,” Abby said, “so I decided to join you.” She reached into the pocket of her hoodie and pulled out a dog biscuit. “Here. Eat this. You’re too skinny.”

As this wasn’t the first time he’d heard this accusation, Lester began shuffling blocks again.

THE WORD IS WIRY

When Abby gazed at him blankly, Lester remembered that she was referring to his dog body, not his human body. Had his canine host been starving or neglected before Anna Taylor had got her hands on him?

“Just eat your treat,” Abby said, tossing the dog biscuit at Lester. To his great embarrassment, Lester snapped up the biscuit and swallowed it in two bites. Abby simply smiled and produced another dog treat.

“Can I put on the telly?” Abby asked when she’d finished her supper.

Lester barked once and watched Abby plop down on the settee with the TV remote. Abby was about ten minutes into a nature documentary when she spoke again. “Why don’t you sit up here? It’s more comfortable than the floor.”

ILL GET FUR ON SETTEE

Abby snorted and shook her head. Then she bent over, grabbed Lester around the middle, and hauled him up beside her. Lester growled and bit down on Abby’s sleeve. Abby laughed and tugged on her sleeve, but Lester didn’t let go. Abby reached out with her free hand and began ruffling Lester’s fur. Lester tightened his grip and the growling intensified, but Abby only laughed again.

“You’d be a lot more convincing if your tail wasn’t wagging, Lester.”

Lester released Abby’s sleeve and glanced back at his tail in alarm. Abby took advantage of the distraction and began scratching behind Lester’s ears.

Oh, not again, Lester thought as his tail started wagging even more.

“There,” Abby said. “That’s better, isn’t it? It’s much nicer up here than on the floor.”

Yes, I suppose. Lester tilted his head to give Abby better access to his ears. He knew he should put up some kind of struggle, but the fight had gone out of him when Abby had started scratching behind his ears.

Lester didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until there was a knock on the door and Abby sprang off the settee. Lester was expecting it to be Connor, so he was surprised when it turned out to be Danny. Danny lingered in the front hall for a couple of minutes with Abby, no doubt hoping to have a private conversation with her but forgetting that dogs possessed superior hearing to humans.

“I’m going to stay here tonight,” Danny whispered. “I’m not leaving you two alone with that Helen-Anna woman on the loose.”

“Normally, I’d be insulted, but I’ll let it slide this time for Lester’s sake,” Abby said, also keeping her voice pitched low.

“How’s he doing?” Danny asked.

“I don’t know. I have a hard enough time working out what he’s feeling when he’s human.” Abby sighed. “He seemed almost…depressed earlier.”

“I can’t say I blame him,” Danny said. “If it were me, I’d be freaking out.”

Newsflash, sweetheart: you already are.

Abby giggled. “He’s not the only one who’s been freaking out.”

“Meaning what?” Danny asked.

“I think you know,” Abby said. She walked back into the living room, and Lester closed his eyes, feigning sleep. Abby laid a hand on Lester’s head. “You have a visitor.”

Lester opened his eyes and stretched, as if he were just waking.

Danny smiled, but he couldn’t quite hide the concern in his eyes. “Hey, boss. Doing okay?”

Lester gave a single bark and sat up. Then he waited, watching Danny.

Danny took a deep breath. “We haven’t been able to find any leads on this Anna Taylor – yet. Like Helen Cutter, she seems to have the ability to move through worlds without leaving a trace.”

Lester slumped back down on his side, failing to contain a tiny whimper as he did so.

“Look, we’ll get her, Lester,” Danny said. “I’ve got every available person on it. Just…give us a bit more time.”

I don’t have time. My body is probably dying, if it isn’t dead already. Even if we do manage to track down Anna before it dies, it’s extremely unlikely that –

“Lester, look at me.” Danny had crouched down in front of Lester. Lester rolled his eyes up to Danny and was surprised when Danny grasped him by the chin. “I’ll get her. I promise.”

Danny released Lester’s chin, though he remained down on his haunches. Before Lester was aware of what he was doing, he began licking Danny’s hand. Danny’s eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, clearing his throat.

“Uh, I know you’ve already got enough to think about right now,” Danny said, “but the weekend’s coming up, so you might want to consider what you’re going to do about Joanna and the kids in case you’re…you’re not yourself by tomorrow night.”

Yes, Danny. Believe it or not, the subject has crossed my mind.

“You could get Lorraine to phone your family,” Abby said. “She could say that an emergency meeting came up or-or some last-minute conference.” She nodded to herself. “Yeah, a conference would be better. Then, if circumstances, uh, change, you could say the conference ended early.”

Amazingly enough, that actually sounded reasonable. While Lester usually phoned Joanna himself if he couldn’t make it, it wouldn’t be inconceivable for Lorraine to make the call if he were tied up with something.

Mistaking Lester’s silence for uncertainty, Abby said, “Sleep on it – after you’ve eaten your supper and I’ve taken you for a walk.”

Lester laid his head back down on his front paws. Yes, Mum.


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Although Lester was sure that he’d stopped at practically every tree and lamppost during his walk, while Abby dutifully turned her back, nature still called to him in the middle of the night. Lester dismissed the idea of waking Abby. The poor girl was doing enough for him during the day, without having her sleep disturbed as well. However, Lester had no such qualms about disturbing Danny because he was still pissed off at him. He began to scratch under the door to the spare room in much the same way Sid and Nancy had sometimes scratched under his own door during their habitation under his roof. When the door to the spare room didn’t immediately swing open, Lester added some thumps and whining for good measure. Then the door opened and Danny appeared in his t-shirt and boxers, looking bleary-eyed and rumpled. He stared down at Lester in confusion.

“What is it, Lassie?” Danny asked. “Has some kid fallen down a well?”

Lester let loose a growl then trotted briskly to the front door, pressing his nose right up against it.

Danny groaned and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Oh, come on. It’s 3:00 in the morning, James. You should be sleeping, not going for a walk.”

What do I see in you again? Lester returned to Danny and stood in front of him for a moment before lifting his hind leg.

“Okay, okay, okay!” Danny said. “We’ll go walkies! Just let me put my trousers on.”

The walk took less than five minutes. When they returned, Lester assumed that Danny would stagger back to bed, but Danny flopped down on the settee instead. Lester glared at him then lay down on the floor.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Oh, so you’ll sit beside Abby, but not me.”

Only because you weren’t clever enough to grab me.

“Look, I know you’re angry with me,” Danny said, “but can’t we talk about this?”

Lester growled. Oh, very amusing, Quinn.

Danny winced. “Sorry, sorry. I meant…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Then he moved from the settee to the floor. Lester tensed and watched warily as Danny inched towards him. “What did Abby do to calm you down?” Danny reached out and began stroking Lester’s head. Lester wanted to ignore the attention, but he found he was pushing his head into Danny’s hand.

Well, I suppose it’s adequate, but if you really want to make me happy you should scratch behind my ears.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it?” Danny said.

Better, yes, but hardly sufficient.

Danny was laughing. “Your tail’s wagging. You really like it.”

Scratch behind my ears, you bastard!

“You should try scratching behind his ears, Danny. He loves that.”

Both Lester and Danny jerked, their heads turning towards Abby. Abby was standing on the threshold of the living room in a Cambridge University t-shirt she had borrowed from Lester. Danny’s eyes darted nervously from Abby to Lester and then back to Abby again. “Uh, this isn’t what it looks like. He woke me up because he needed to pee, and then I tried to talk to him, but it wasn’t working because he’s a dog and – ”

“Danny, just scratch behind his ears,” Abby said.

Danny hesitated for an instant then did as Abby instructed. “Oh, wow. He does love it.”

Shut up, Lester thought as he closed his eyes in bliss.

“Now, repeat after me,” Abby said. “I’m sorry I was such an arse. Please forgive me.”

“Abby…”

“Do it.”

Danny grimaced then forced a smile. “I’m sorry I was such an arse. Please forgive me.” He scratched a little lower, and Lester rolled on to his back.

Yes. Right there.

“So, do you think he’s forgiven me?” Danny asked.

“No,” Abby said. “I think he wants you to rub his belly, but I’m sure he’ll come around.” She winked at Lester as Danny’s hand migrated down to Lester’s chest.

Oh, Abby, you are so getting a pay raise.

Abby was biting her lip, as if trying not to laugh. “Right. I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you two in the morning.”


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