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Title: Dogsbody (7/13)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: Lester/Quinn
Summary: Lester is forced to depend on the people around him when he finds himself in a strange and startling predicament.
Word Count: 1,947
Rating: Slash, PG-13
Spoilers: S3 in general
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or the shiny prehistoric creatures. I just played with them for a while and then returned them to the toy chest.
A/N: I was inspired to write this fic after reading [livejournal.com profile] knitekat’s Under the Moonlight, the first story in the Under the Moonlight wolfverse. Although I had intended to post this as a serial, the original plan was to finish the story first, as I swore to myself that I wouldn’t commit another crime of WIP. However, as so often happens, this story ended up being longer and more complicated than I’d imagined. Reality has also been rearing its ugly head and there are other commitments I can’t put off any longer, so…WIP. Well, at least this time, a large portion of the story has already been written, so I think most of the posts should be delivered in a timely fashion.

This is a sequel to Ps & Qs and Better Late Than Never, though this could probably be read as a stand-alone. As you’ll quickly realize, this story is complete crack and unapologetically self-indulgent. I’ve had a lot of fun writing this – probably too much fun. *g*

I’d like to give a big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] lukadreaming for the Brit-check beta.






Lester woke the next morning to find himself under the scrutiny of two sets of brown eyes. As the boys lay side by side on their bellies in the dewy grass, their fair heads almost touched and their astonished expressions were nearly identical.

“How did you get here?” Peter asked. He was about to pet Lester when he hesitated. After taking a moment to consider, he carefully extended his hand for Lester to sniff instead.

Ah, yes. Peter had been a practical and level-headed boy even before he had reached the ripe old age of eleven. Not wishing to frighten his oldest son, Lester gently pressed his nose against Peter’s palm. Peter broke into a grin and started stroking Lester’s head. At five, Jeremy didn’t share any of his brother’s cautious nature and dove in with both hands to ruffle Lester’s fur.

“Do you think Mummy and Daddy will let us keep him?” Jeremy asked.

“He might belong to someone.” Peter was feeling along Lester’s neck, no doubt searching for something Lester knew he wouldn’t find. “That’s strange. He hasn’t got a collar. Maybe he’s a stray.”

“Then we can keep him,” Jeremy said, wrapping his arms around Lester as if he were already claiming ownership.

Peter gazed at his brother sternly. “We have to see if he belongs to anybody.”

Jeremy’s grip grew tighter. “But he’s in our garden, so that makes him our dog.”

Yes, you’re absolutely right, Jeremy. I’m in your garden, so that makes me your dog.

Peter frowned at Jeremy and Lester. “I’d better get Mum.” He ran to the house, but Jeremy remained on the grass. Jeremy had propped his chin on one fist and was studying Lester.

“I’m going to call you K-9,” Jeremy said.

Well, it’s an improvement on Lassie.

“I’ll take you for walks, and we can play together, and I can teach you tricks.” Jeremy leaned closer to whisper in Lester’s ear. “And you can help me find pirate treasure.”

Pirate treasure?

Jeremy giggled. “I buried some in the garden.”

Oh, goody. Lester began running through a mental inventory of the items Jeremy might have managed to get his hands on as he scanned the garden for tell-tale mounds of dirt. When he didn’t find any, he followed Jeremy’s eyes as they drifted to Joanna’s flower beds. Lester winced. Joanna was going to have a fit when she found out. She was going to have a fit and blame him because he had been the one to buy that book on pirates. Why hadn’t he chosen the one about knights instead?

Lester didn’t realize he’d whimpered until Jeremy frowned anxiously and began patting his head.

“It’s okay, K-9,” Jeremy said. “I’ll look after you.”

Jeremy’s little face looked so sweet and earnest that Lester just had to kiss him. Squirming as he was licked, Jeremy giggled again, but he didn’t pull away.

“Oh, aren’t you lovely?” Joanna had walked into the garden with Peter and was heading towards them. She was wearing old jeans and a faded t-shirt, her hair tied back in a pony-tail. It was the way she usually dressed if she were about to do some housework or engage in a spot of gardening.

“Mummy, can we keep him?” Jeremy asked. “Can we, Mummy?”

Yes, can we keep me, Mummy?

“Jeremy, we don’t even know where he came from or who he might belong to.” Joanna knelt down beside Jeremy and ran her eyes over Lester. “He’s filthy!” she exclaimed. “He’s covered in mud!” She grasped Lester by the jaw and looked into his eyes. “Have you been having a tramp in the woods?”

I never could hide anything from you.

“Can I give him a bath, Mummy?” Jeremy said.

Joanna stared at Jeremy in disbelief. “You want to give him a bath? You?”

Jeremy nodded eagerly. “And I’ll take him for walks, and feed him, and teach him tricks.”

Joanna smiled sadly. “He’s not your dog, sweetheart. We have to find out who he really belongs to and give him back.”

I belong here.

Jeremy crossed his arms and scowled. “If he belongs to somebody then why is he in our garden?”

“Well, he might be lost,” Joanna said. “If you were lost, wouldn’t you want to come home?”

Jeremy tilted his head for an instant and actually considered the question. “Depends. I wouldn’t want to go home if I was in the TARDIS or on a pirate ship.”

“Or Hogwarts,” Peter added helpfully.

“Or Hogwarts,” Jeremy said.

Joanna bit her lip, clearly trying not to laugh. “If you weren’t in the TARDIS, or on a pirate ship, or at Hogwarts, you’d want to come home again, wouldn’t you?”

Jeremy shrugged. “Maybe. But K-9 doesn’t want to go home. He likes it here.”

“K-9?” Joanna’s eyes widened. “Oh God, he’s already named the dog.”

“I bet he ran away because his owners were horrible,” Jeremy said.

Peter jumped in before Joanna could speak. “Or he could be a stray because he doesn’t have a collar.”

Joanna’s lips twitched. “Yes, you mentioned that.” She glanced at Lester again, her eyes falling on one of his front paws. “Oh, you poor thing! How far did you walk to get here?” She lifted the paw in question, studying the cut on the swollen pad.

You really don’t want to know, Jo.

“Poor baby. You must be starving.” Joanna turned to Peter. “Could you fetch some water? I’m going to see if Finola can spare some dog food.”

“Okay, Mum,” Peter said. He ran into the house, and Joanna headed to the neighbour’s. Up until that moment, Lester hadn’t really been aware of hunger or thirst – he’d been too tired and sore for that. However, as soon as Peter set the bowl of water down in front of him, he lapped it all up. Peter was just returning with some more water, when Joanna set another bowl in front of him. Apparently, Finola hadn’t just provided a tin of dog food but had opened it and dished out the meal as well.

Lester had consumed most of his breakfast when Emma appeared. Lester was amazed that she was actually awake and out of bed.

Emma gazed impassively at the tableau in front of her and raised an eyebrow. “What’s with the dog?” she asked.

“His name is K-9 and he’s come to live with us,” Jeremy said.

Joanna sighed audibly. “Jeremy, we’ve gone over this: he’s not our dog.”

Emma moved a little closer. “He’s filthy. Where’d you find him? Inside a skip?”

You try trekking through mud and see how appealing you look!

Peter glared at his sister. “He isn’t filthy, just muddy, and we found him here, in the garden.”

Emma’s brow creased. “But how did he get in? The gate should have been locked. Did he climb the fence?”

“Oh,” Joanna said, “I never thought about that.” She studied the gate. “I’m sure I locked it last night…Yes, I did lock it! It was locked when I went to Finola’s.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “So, you’re feeding some flea-infested mutt that’s broken into our garden.”

Hey, I resent that! I don’t have a single flea! Abby checked!

“K-9 hasn’t got fleas!” Jeremy shouted.

Emma crossed her arms. “You don’t know where he’s been or where he came from. Who knows what diseases he could be carrying? Did you even think of that?”

Oh, first I’m flea-infested and now I’m diseased. This is just wonderful.

“Emma, I’m sure he doesn’t have any diseases,” Joanna said. “And he’s been ever so good and has such a lovely temperament.” She scratched behind Lester’s ears, cooing to him softly.

Emma threw up her hands. “Have you at least called the RSPCA?”

Joanna blushed. “Well, it’s Saturday. I assumed no one would be in.”

“Mum, who do you think takes care of all the animals if no one’s in on a Saturday?” Emma shook her head in exasperation. “I’ll just go and look up the number, shall I?”

“Later,” Joanna said. “Come and see the dog.”

Emma wrinkled her nose. “I can see him just fine from here.”

Joanna regarded Emma curiously. “Weren’t you the one who first suggested getting a pet? I seem to remember you being the ringleader when all of you ganged up on your father.”

She was.

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. I might have been. But I don’t want some mutt. I thought we could go to a breeder.”

A breeder? You must be joking. You could probably get ten mutts for the amount you’d have to pay a breeder!

Joanna snorted. “Oh, yes, I can see your father forking out a couple of hundred quid for a pedigree dog.”

“Yes, well,” Emma said, “at least we’d know where the expensive dog came from. There’d be a record of everything, and we’d be able to train it properly because we’d buy it when it’s a puppy.

Peter scowled. “I bet K-9’s trained already. If he isn’t then he could still learn. German shepherds are highly intelligent.”

Emma looked down her nose at Peter. “I’ve been told you’re highly intelligent, but that doesn’t mean I want you around.”

Lester snorted. That was actually quite good, though completely inappropriate, of course.

“Emma, I don’t think that’s what you meant to say, is it?” Joanna said, a warning tone in her voice.

“You’re right.” Emma smiled brightly at her brother. “I say, Peter, I’m awfully sorry Mummy and Daddy didn’t use contraceptives after I was born.”

Emma!

“Emma!” Joanna cried. “The things that come out of your mouth! Why, you’re as bad as…No, you’re worse than your father!”

Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

“Thank you,” Emma said.

Joanna stared at Emma for a moment then shook her head. “I’m going to see if we have anything in the medicine cabinet for our friend’s paw,” she said. “Finola suggested that we soak the paw in a basin of warm water and Epsom salts and then apply some antiseptic cream. I think we’ve got some Savlon, so maybe that will do.”

Sounds lovely. Perhaps you could find some dog biscuits too.

Peter jumped to his feet. “I can carry the water for you, Mum.”

“That’s very kind of you, Peter,” Joanna said. “Thank you.” She glanced at Emma again. “You’ll look after Jeremy and K-9 while we’re gone, won’t you?”

“K-9?” Emma grimaced. “Now you’re doing it, Mum!”

Joanna raised her chin. “Well, we have to call him something until we find his owners.” She smiled. “Why don’t you do something useful and pull up a few weeds while I’m gone?”

Emma waited until Joanna was out of earshot before she said, “That’s so not going to happen. I just painted my nails.” She turned her gaze on Jeremy. “So, you’ve found yourself a little friend.”

Jeremy wrapped an arm around Lester. “You stay away from him, Emma.”

“Trust me,” Emma said. “I intend to. I don’t want his gutter germs all over me.”

Right. That’s it. She’s insulted my pedigree one too many times.

Lester leapt to his feet and ran towards Emma. Emma tried to back away, but Lester was faster. He jumped on Emma, planting his front paws on her shoulders. Ignoring Emma’s shrieks, Lester licked a wide swath across her face.

“Oh my God!” Emma shouted. “He’s attacking me! Get him off me! Jeremy!”

Jeremy laughed and cheered.

Emma managed to shove Lester away and stumbled backwards. “I am so calling the RSPCA!” She turned to go into the house and froze. Instantly alert, Lester’s head swivelled around sharply. Abby Maitland and Connor Temple were standing outside the garden gate, staring in at them.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



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