Fic: Dogsbody (7/13)

[rusty_armour]

Title: Dogsbody (7/13)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: Lester/Quinn
Summary: Lester is forced to depend on the people around him when he finds himself in a strange and startling predicament.
Word Count: 1,947
Rating: Slash, PG-13
Spoilers: S3 in general
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or the shiny prehistoric creatures. I just played with them for a while and then returned them to the toy chest.
A/N: I was inspired to write this fic after reading knitekat’s Under the Moonlight, the first story in the Under the Moonlight wolfverse. Although I had intended to post this as a serial, the original plan was to finish the story first, as I swore to myself that I wouldn’t commit another crime of WIP. However, as so often happens, this story ended up being longer and more complicated than I’d imagined. Reality has also been rearing its ugly head and there are other commitments I can’t put off any longer, so…WIP. Well, at least this time, a large portion of the story has already been written, so I think most of the posts should be delivered in a timely fashion.

This is a sequel to Ps & Qs and Better Late Than Never, though this could probably be read as a stand-alone. As you’ll quickly realize, this story is complete crack and unapologetically self-indulgent. I’ve had a lot of fun writing this – probably too much fun. *g*

I’d like to give a big thanks to lukadreaming for the Brit-check beta.

---

Lester woke the next morning to find himself under the scrutiny of two sets of brown eyes. As the boys lay side by side on their bellies in the dewy grass, their fair heads almost touched and their astonished expressions were nearly identical.

“How did you get here?” Peter asked. He was about to pet Lester when he hesitated. After taking a moment to consider, he carefully extended his hand for Lester to sniff instead.

Ah, yes. Peter had been a practical and level-headed boy even before he had reached the ripe old age of eleven. Not wishing to frighten his oldest son, Lester gently pressed his nose against Peter’s palm. Peter broke into a grin and started stroking Lester’s head. At five, Jeremy didn’t share any of his brother’s cautious nature and dove in with both hands to ruffle Lester’s fur.

“Do you think Mummy and Daddy will let us keep him?” Jeremy asked.

“He might belong to someone.” Peter was feeling along Lester’s neck, no doubt searching for something Lester knew he wouldn’t find. “That’s strange. He hasn’t got a collar. Maybe he’s a stray.”

“Then we can keep him,” Jeremy said, wrapping his arms around Lester as if he were already claiming ownership.

Peter gazed at his brother sternly. “We have to see if he belongs to anybody.”

Jeremy’s grip grew tighter. “But he’s in our garden, so that makes him our dog.”

Yes, you’re absolutely right, Jeremy. I’m in your garden, so that makes me your dog.

Peter frowned at Jeremy and Lester. “I’d better get Mum.” He ran to the house, but Jeremy remained on the grass. Jeremy had propped his chin on one fist and was studying Lester.

“I’m going to call you K-9,” Jeremy said.

Well, it’s an improvement on Lassie.

“I’ll take you for walks, and we can play together, and I can teach you tricks.” Jeremy leaned closer to whisper in Lester’s ear. “And you can help me find pirate treasure.”

Pirate treasure?

Jeremy giggled. “I buried some in the garden.”

Oh, goody. Lester began running through a mental inventory of the items Jeremy might have managed to get his hands on as he scanned the garden for tell-tale mounds of dirt. When he didn’t find any, he followed Jeremy’s eyes as they drifted to Joanna’s flower beds. Lester winced. Joanna was going to have a fit when she found out. She was going to have a fit and blame him because he had been the one to buy that book on pirates. Why hadn’t he chosen the one about knights instead?

Lester didn’t realize he’d whimpered until Jeremy frowned anxiously and began patting his head.

“It’s okay, K-9,” Jeremy said. “I’ll look after you.”

Jeremy’s little face looked so sweet and earnest that Lester just had to kiss him. Squirming as he was licked, Jeremy giggled again, but he didn’t pull away.

“Oh, aren’t you lovely?” Joanna had walked into the garden with Peter and was heading towards them. She was wearing old jeans and a faded t-shirt, her hair tied back in a pony-tail. It was the way she usually dressed if she were about to do some housework or engage in a spot of gardening.

“Mummy, can we keep him?” Jeremy asked. “Can we, Mummy?”

Yes, can we keep me, Mummy?

“Jeremy, we don’t even know where he came from or who he might belong to.” Joanna knelt down beside Jeremy and ran her eyes over Lester. “He’s filthy!” she exclaimed. “He’s covered in mud!” She grasped Lester by the jaw and looked into his eyes. “Have you been having a tramp in the woods?”

I never could hide anything from you.

“Can I give him a bath, Mummy?” Jeremy said.

Joanna stared at Jeremy in disbelief. “You want to give him a bath? You?”

Jeremy nodded eagerly. “And I’ll take him for walks, and feed him, and teach him tricks.”

Joanna smiled sadly. “He’s not your dog, sweetheart. We have to find out who he really belongs to and give him back.”

I belong here.

Jeremy crossed his arms and scowled. “If he belongs to somebody then why is he in our garden?”

“Well, he might be lost,” Joanna said. “If you were lost, wouldn’t you want to come home?”

Jeremy tilted his head for an instant and actually considered the question. “Depends. I wouldn’t want to go home if I was in the TARDIS or on a pirate ship.”

“Or Hogwarts,” Peter added helpfully.

“Or Hogwarts,” Jeremy said.

Joanna bit her lip, clearly trying not to laugh. “If you weren’t in the TARDIS, or on a pirate ship, or at Hogwarts, you’d want to come home again, wouldn’t you?”

Jeremy shrugged. “Maybe. But K-9 doesn’t want to go home. He likes it here.”

“K-9?” Joanna’s eyes widened. “Oh God, he’s already named the dog.”

“I bet he ran away because his owners were horrible,” Jeremy said.

Peter jumped in before Joanna could speak. “Or he could be a stray because he doesn’t have a collar.”

Joanna’s lips twitched. “Yes, you mentioned that.” She glanced at Lester again, her eyes falling on one of his front paws. “Oh, you poor thing! How far did you walk to get here?” She lifted the paw in question, studying the cut on the swollen pad.

You really don’t want to know, Jo.

“Poor baby. You must be starving.” Joanna turned to Peter. “Could you fetch some water? I’m going to see if Finola can spare some dog food.”

“Okay, Mum,” Peter said. He ran into the house, and Joanna headed to the neighbour’s. Up until that moment, Lester hadn’t really been aware of hunger or thirst – he’d been too tired and sore for that. However, as soon as Peter set the bowl of water down in front of him, he lapped it all up. Peter was just returning with some more water, when Joanna set another bowl in front of him. Apparently, Finola hadn’t just provided a tin of dog food but had opened it and dished out the meal as well.

Lester had consumed most of his breakfast when Emma appeared. Lester was amazed that she was actually awake and out of bed.

Emma gazed impassively at the tableau in front of her and raised an eyebrow. “What’s with the dog?” she asked.

“His name is K-9 and he’s come to live with us,” Jeremy said.

Joanna sighed audibly. “Jeremy, we’ve gone over this: he’s not our dog.”

Emma moved a little closer. “He’s filthy. Where’d you find him? Inside a skip?”

You try trekking through mud and see how appealing you look!

Peter glared at his sister. “He isn’t filthy, just muddy, and we found him here, in the garden.”

Emma’s brow creased. “But how did he get in? The gate should have been locked. Did he climb the fence?”

“Oh,” Joanna said, “I never thought about that.” She studied the gate. “I’m sure I locked it last night…Yes, I did lock it! It was locked when I went to Finola’s.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “So, you’re feeding some flea-infested mutt that’s broken into our garden.”

Hey, I resent that! I don’t have a single flea! Abby checked!

“K-9 hasn’t got fleas!” Jeremy shouted.

Emma crossed her arms. “You don’t know where he’s been or where he came from. Who knows what diseases he could be carrying? Did you even think of that?”

Oh, first I’m flea-infested and now I’m diseased. This is just wonderful.

“Emma, I’m sure he doesn’t have any diseases,” Joanna said. “And he’s been ever so good and has such a lovely temperament.” She scratched behind Lester’s ears, cooing to him softly.

Emma threw up her hands. “Have you at least called the RSPCA?”

Joanna blushed. “Well, it’s Saturday. I assumed no one would be in.”

“Mum, who do you think takes care of all the animals if no one’s in on a Saturday?” Emma shook her head in exasperation. “I’ll just go and look up the number, shall I?”

“Later,” Joanna said. “Come and see the dog.”

Emma wrinkled her nose. “I can see him just fine from here.”

Joanna regarded Emma curiously. “Weren’t you the one who first suggested getting a pet? I seem to remember you being the ringleader when all of you ganged up on your father.”

She was.

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. I might have been. But I don’t want some mutt. I thought we could go to a breeder.”

A breeder? You must be joking. You could probably get ten mutts for the amount you’d have to pay a breeder!

Joanna snorted. “Oh, yes, I can see your father forking out a couple of hundred quid for a pedigree dog.”

“Yes, well,” Emma said, “at least we’d know where the expensive dog came from. There’d be a record of everything, and we’d be able to train it properly because we’d buy it when it’s a puppy.

Peter scowled. “I bet K-9’s trained already. If he isn’t then he could still learn. German shepherds are highly intelligent.”

Emma looked down her nose at Peter. “I’ve been told you’re highly intelligent, but that doesn’t mean I want you around.”

Lester snorted. That was actually quite good, though completely inappropriate, of course.

“Emma, I don’t think that’s what you meant to say, is it?” Joanna said, a warning tone in her voice.

“You’re right.” Emma smiled brightly at her brother. “I say, Peter, I’m awfully sorry Mummy and Daddy didn’t use contraceptives after I was born.”

Emma!

“Emma!” Joanna cried. “The things that come out of your mouth! Why, you’re as bad as…No, you’re worse than your father!”

Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

“Thank you,” Emma said.

Joanna stared at Emma for a moment then shook her head. “I’m going to see if we have anything in the medicine cabinet for our friend’s paw,” she said. “Finola suggested that we soak the paw in a basin of warm water and Epsom salts and then apply some antiseptic cream. I think we’ve got some Savlon, so maybe that will do.”

Sounds lovely. Perhaps you could find some dog biscuits too.

Peter jumped to his feet. “I can carry the water for you, Mum.”

“That’s very kind of you, Peter,” Joanna said. “Thank you.” She glanced at Emma again. “You’ll look after Jeremy and K-9 while we’re gone, won’t you?”

“K-9?” Emma grimaced. “Now you’re doing it, Mum!”

Joanna raised her chin. “Well, we have to call him something until we find his owners.” She smiled. “Why don’t you do something useful and pull up a few weeds while I’m gone?”

Emma waited until Joanna was out of earshot before she said, “That’s so not going to happen. I just painted my nails.” She turned her gaze on Jeremy. “So, you’ve found yourself a little friend.”

Jeremy wrapped an arm around Lester. “You stay away from him, Emma.”

“Trust me,” Emma said. “I intend to. I don’t want his gutter germs all over me.”

Right. That’s it. She’s insulted my pedigree one too many times.

Lester leapt to his feet and ran towards Emma. Emma tried to back away, but Lester was faster. He jumped on Emma, planting his front paws on her shoulders. Ignoring Emma’s shrieks, Lester licked a wide swath across her face.

“Oh my God!” Emma shouted. “He’s attacking me! Get him off me! Jeremy!”

Jeremy laughed and cheered.

Emma managed to shove Lester away and stumbled backwards. “I am so calling the RSPCA!” She turned to go into the house and froze. Instantly alert, Lester’s head swivelled around sharply. Abby Maitland and Connor Temple were standing outside the garden gate, staring in at them.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


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Comments

[fredbassett]

LOL! like father like daughter! Emma was a scream, and I really liked Joanna and the boys.

But I rather think that Abby and Connor are about to claim their missing 'pet'. Lester isn't going to be happy.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! like father like daughter! Emma was a scream, and I really liked Joanna and the boys.

Thank you very much, fredbassett! I'm happy you thought Emma was a scream and liked Joanna and the boys! :-)

But I rather think that Abby and Connor are about to claim their missing 'pet'. Lester isn't going to be happy.

No, I suppose it doesn't look good with Abby and Connor on the scene. *g*

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

Lester's family are brilliant -- particularly Emma. I like the way the dialogue between them really crackles, interspersed with Lester's thoughts.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thanks for both the beta and your thoughtful comments, lukadreaming! :-) I'm really glad you like Lester's family! It took about three attempts to write those scenes with the Lester family because I really wanted to do them justice. I'm also glad you think the dialogue works. I was worried about how it would flow with so many characters. In fact, I realized that Lester was being too quiet and had to add a number of his thoughts when I was working on the revision! *g*

[echo-fangirl.livejournal.com]

Jeremy tilted his head for an instant and actually considered the question. “Depends. I wouldn’t want to go home if I was in the TARDIS or on a pirate ship.”
Ah, kids... Never leave a rhetorical question unexplored! And Emma is so very much her father's daughter!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yes, I'm not sure if the average five-year-old kid understands the concept of a rhetorical question! *g* I'm glad you think Emma is very much her father's daughter as I was trying my darndest to make her that way! ;-)

Thanks for reading and reviewing, echo_fangirl! :-)

[talliw.livejournal.com]

Joanna is right, Emma is a lot worse than her father. Were he is just sarcastically the little girl is downright mean to her brothers. At least the boys are great kids Lester can be proud of.
The scenes with Joanna, Jeremy and Peter were really lovely. Although there are better names than K-9. The little boy apparently has watched too much telly.:)

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Joanna is right, Emma is a lot worse than her father. Were he is just sarcastically the little girl is downright mean to her brothers. At least the boys are great kids Lester can be proud of.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you aren't the oldest sibling in your family. *g* I'm sorry but the oldest child is supposed to make life hard for her younger siblings. And not only does Emma take after her father but she's a teenager as well. I was absolutely horrible to my family at times when I was a teenager -- and I'm sure it's not just because I'm a bad-tempered Taurus. ;-)

The scenes with Joanna, Jeremy and Peter were really lovely. Although there are better names than K-9. The little boy apparently has watched too much telly. :)

Better names than K-9?! Bite your tongue! K-9 ROCKS! Not only that but you can never get too much Doctor Who! *Clears throat* Anywaaaaay, I'm glad you liked the scenes with Joanna, Jeremy and Peter, despite your views on Doctor Who. *g*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion. It would be a pretty boring planet if we all agreed on everything. :-)

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

*g* Talli, I don't think Emma was mean. Sarcasm is harsh and cruel like that. And you can be all sarcastic and annoying and still care for and protect your younger siblings, trust me!

But anywho! Just butting my nose in where it doesn't belong, like Rusty said, would be boring if we all agreed.

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

*g* Oh, certainly. But no real harm in what Emma was saying, in my opinion - and I think the sibling boundary is somewhat... dang, can't think of a good analogy... I think the sibling boundary allows for things to be said that would be far more insulting if said to another person. If that makes sense.

Lol! I think you might be. But I promise, we won't bite. Well, I won't anyway. ^-^

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

Lol! Not so sure it's a generation thing so much as maybe a culture thing (of the sort of culture that can vary even within countries). That, and you said you were an only child, yes? Maybe it has something to do with that, as well. *shrugs*

LOL! *perches on the chain mail*

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

*keels over giggling*

OMG! I ADORE Emma! Well, all the kids. And James' interior monologue relating to them! And Joanna! It's all so cute. ^-^

And silly Abby & Connor! Ruining the cute. *sulks, but just a little*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

*keels over giggling*

OMG! I ADORE Emma! Well, all the kids. And James' interior monologue relating to them! And Joanna! It's all so cute. ^-^

Thank you very much, canadian_jay! I'm happy this installment gave you a laugh! :-) I was a little nervous about Joanna and the kids, so I'm glad you like them. It's also nice to know that Lester's interior monologue worked for you.

And silly Abby & Connor! Ruining the cute. *sulks, but just a little*

Oh, there's still some more cute to come, and the Lesters aren't about to let Abby & Connor off easy... *g*

[canadian-jay.livejournal.com]

Oh goodie! *wriggles happily*

[knitekat.livejournal.com]

Awwwwww. Lester's kids are great, and love Emma being sisterly mean to Jeremy (I'm sure she loves him really). Also loved the Lester snark and him leaping on Emma when she insulted him once too often.
Oops, Lester's so busted! I wonder what happens next, I don't see Lester too happy going off back to the ARC.
More please!!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Awwwwww. Lester's kids are great, and love Emma being sisterly mean to Jeremy (I'm sure she loves him really).

I'm so glad you like the kids, knitekat! :-) Poor Emma is getting a bad rap in this installment, but I think she'll seem a little more sympathetic in the next part.

Also loved the Lester snark and him leaping on Emma when she insulted him once too often.

As Lester couldn't snark aloud, leaping on Emma seemed like the next best thing. *g*

Oops, Lester's so busted! I wonder what happens next, I don't see Lester too happy going off back to the ARC.
More please!!

Oh, yeah. Lester is definitely busted. In fact, he may end up being busted in more ways than one... *g* Of course, I can't tell you anything. I've probably already said too much. I just hope you enjoy the next part when it does roll around.

Thanks for reading and commenting, knitekat! :-)

[knitekat.livejournal.com]

Oops, the dynamic duo don't out him to Jo and the kids? I also bet he'll be in trouble with both Abby and Danny. Looking forward to reading more and I'm sure I will enjoy it. Roll on Friday *bg*

[jackycomelately.livejournal.com]

Hey! You snuck this one in past me!

Love love love the first sentence! So sweet.

Hee! I must applaud Lester's and Jeremy’s logic!

Yes, you’re absolutely right, Jeremy. I’m in your garden, so that makes me your dog.

Owww...dramatic cliff hanger. You fiend!

Exits doing the happy Lemur dance.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Hey! You snuck this one in past me!

Ooooops. *g*

Love love love the first sentence! So sweet.

Oh, thank you! I wanted Lester's boys to have a fitting entrance, so I'm glad you like it! :-)

Hee! I must applaud Lester's and Jeremy’s logic!

Yes, you’re absolutely right, Jeremy. I’m in your garden, so that makes me your dog.

I think it's very sound logic. I'm not sure why everyone else in the story seems to be having a problem with it. *g*

Owww...dramatic cliff hanger. You fiend!

It's just a teensy weensy little one... *g*

Exits doing the happy Lemur dance.

Ooooooh! I had no idea this installment would result in a happy Lemur dance! :-) *Performs a dance of geekish delight*

[fififolle]

“Oh, you poor thing! How far did you walk to get here?” She lifted the paw in question, studying the cut on the swollen pad.
You really don’t want to know, Jo.
Oh Lester!! *hugs him*

I love the way he's gone to his family, and his boys are adorable. Poor Emma though, she's not interested.

I wish I could go straight to the next chapter! *pout*

Thank you! *waves pompoms*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

“Oh, you poor thing! How far did you walk to get here?” She lifted the paw in question, studying the cut on the swollen pad.

You really don’t want to know, Jo.

Oh Lester!! *hugs him*

You're the first person to comment on Lester's injured paw! Yes, I feel kind of guilty about that. However, I figured that a cut paw might be the result of a long walk, especially if the dog in question has never travelled that kind of distance before.

I love the way he's gone to his family, and his boys are adorable.

I'm glad you think it makes sense for Lester to have gone to his family. There will be a bit more explanation about that later in the story...

I wasn't sure how people would react to Lester's boys, so I'm very happy you like them! :-)

Poor Emma though, she's not interested.

Oh, I think you'll find that Emma will start to become interested in the next part... *g*

I wish I could go straight to the next chapter! *pout*

Well, to make up for this cliffhanger (as jackycomelately describes it), the next installment will be the longest one yet. I'm hoping people will enjoy it.

Thank you! *waves pompoms*

Well, thank you very much for taking the time to read this, fififolle! And thank you for your generous feedback! :-)

[pyrateanny.livejournal.com]

>>>I wouldn’t want to go home if I was in the TARDIS or on a pirate ship.<<<

I'm with Jeremy!

But alas, it does look like Shaggy and Daphne are gonna drag Lester away from this domestic doggy bliss.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

I can't say anything of course, but I suppose things aren't looking very good for Scooby now that Shaggy and Daphne have arrived. *g*

[mysteriousaliwz.livejournal.com]

Somehow I missed this chapter the first time around.

Emma snarking at her younger brother sounds just like my 15-yr-old with her younger sister (only the word 'freak' tends to get used more in our house, *g*) This definitely sounds like the voice of experience!

Poor Lester and his cut paw *pets*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Somehow I missed this chapter the first time around.

No problem, mysteriousaliwz. :-) I've managed to miss entire stories before, so I know how easily it can happen, especially if you're behind with your flist.

Emma snarking at her younger brother sounds just like my 15-yr-old with her younger sister (only the word 'freak' tends to get used more in our house, *g*) This definitely sounds like the voice of experience!

Oh, good! I'm glad Emma actually does sound like a 15-year-old girl and that her relationship with her brothers resembles the one your older daughter has with her younger sister! :-) I'm the oldest of three kids and I certainly gave my sister and brother some grief. I wouldn't say that I was as consistently snarky as Emma, but I certainly had my moments. *g*

Poor Lester and his cut paw *pets*

Yes, poor Lester is certainly being put through the wringer in this story!

Thanks for not only taking the time to go back and read this part but comment as well! It's much appreciated, mysteriousaliwz! :-)