Photo Essay: By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Wicked This Way Comes (2/2)

[rusty_armour]

Title: By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Wicked This Way Comes (2/2)
Photographer/Essayist: Rusty Armour
Summary: A dark force emerges to wreak havoc in rusty_armour’s abode.
Category: Slashy, Action Figures, Crossover of Doctor Who, Enterprise, Primeval, Robin of Sherwood, Sherlock Holmes, Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Uh…possibly several?
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, with the exception of Giant Hand, Earhart and Lester!Dog. It’s not worth suing me because I have no real money to speak of – except that treasure I buried in Bluffer’s Park.
P/E Notes: Usually, I write a fic for jackycomelately’s birthday, but this year I’ve had to go with a “photo essay” instead, as I’ve now retired from fic writing. And I’m actually posting this early because I’m taking a little trip to Ottawa on the special day.

---

After flying Sheppard and McKay up to the kitchen counter, K-9 parted from the two men, informing them that he had important business to attend to on Enterprise. As K-9 flew off, Sheppard looked at his watch and saw that it was the time when Archer usually took K-9 on his afternoon walk. Sheppard decided to keep this little detail from McKay as he already seemed pissed off that K-9 had abandoned them. But, then, McKay seemed to forget about K-9 as he spotted a certain feline on the other side of the sink.

Well, it looks like we beat Sherlock to it, Sheppard thought, as he watched McKay scoop Earhart into his arms. Then his brow furrowed as he noticed that there was no sign of Lester, the Master or Giant Hand. Curious, Sheppard started to make his way towards McKay. It was only as he was crossing to the other side of the sink that he noticed the basin full of bubbles with Giant Hand, tied and bound by elastic bands, bobbing helplessly inside.



“Holy crap!” Sheppard cried. “How’d you end up in there?” He ran to the far side of the sink and lay down on his belly, trying to reach Giant Hand. He glanced over his shoulder at McKay, who was cuddling his cat. “Uh, a little help would be nice, Rodney.” When McKay ignored him in favour of scratching Earhart under his chin, Sheppard returned his attention back to the basin and gaped at Giant Hand in horror. She had sunk almost completely under the water.



“Rodney, get your ass over here!” Sheppard shouted. “Giant Hand’s about to drown!”



“Don’t be ridiculous,” McKay said. “A hand can’t drown. It doesn’t have lungs. Giant Hand might end up being a dishpan hand, but that’s probably the worse thing that will happen to her.”

Sheppard glared at McKay. “She’s tied up with elastic bands as well, so there’s her circulation to consider.”



McKay sighed. “Fine. I’ll help you get her out.” He set Earhart down carefully and stretched down on the wet counter with a grimace.

It took quite a bit of effort, and a certain amount of flexibility, but, eventually, Sheppard and McKay were able to haul Giant Hand out of the basin. Then they worked on freeing her from her bonds, leaping backwards when Giant Hand sprang into an upright position.

“Umm…are you okay?” McKay asked.

“Where is she?” Giant Hand snarled.

Sheppard exchanged a quick glance with McKay before speaking. “Do you mean that hand-shaped creature wearing the black glove?”

Giant Hand drummed her fingers impatiently on the counter. “My evil twin sister? Yes.”

McKay stared at Giant Hand in confusion. “Evil twin sister…? Oh! She’s the left hand, right?”

“No, not the left hand right – just the left,” Giant Hand said. “I’m the right hand.” She leaned closer to McKay and Sheppard. “And do you know why I’m the right hand?”

McKay gulped. “No, ma’am.”



“I’m the right hand because I’m going to right some wrongs – starting with my evil twin!” Giant Hand spun around and flexed her fingers menacingly into claws.

“Uh, do you think you could give us a lift before you go off to seek your revenge?” Sheppard asked.


????????????????


Lester was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore the Master. He usually prided himself on his ability to shoot people down with a sharp retort or a cold glare, but the Master seemed immune. In fact, the more Lester tried to shun him, the more determined the Master became.



Laying a hand on Lester’s sleeve, the Master said, “James, James, James. I only wish to help you find your true potential. You’re wasted at the ARC. You could do so much more than babysit a group of scientists who get their knickers in a twist every time they see a dinosaur.”



Lester’s head swivelled swiftly. “How do you know about the ARC?”

The Master flashed his patented politician’s grin, and Lester had his answer.

“Oh, right,” Lester said. “You were Prime Minister for two minutes.”

The Master’s grin disappeared, and Lester wondered if he had pushed him too far. Then the Master laughed and punched Lester in the arm. “Yes, my political career was rather short-lived. I’ve come to the conclusion that my talents are better served in an advisory capacity.”

Lester raised an eyebrow. “Puppet master, you mean.”

The Master shrugged. “If you like. The exact term is unimportant. What matters is that I get the job done.”

Lester tried to resist, but he was bored and his curiosity had been piqued. “And who would be your puppet in this grand scheme?”

The Master smiled serenely. “Why, you, of course.”

Lester’s eyes widened. “What?”



“You’d be perfect,” the Master said. “You’ve dealt with a number of high-ranking politicians over the years. You understand how the system works and you know how to play the game.” He pressed closer to Lester. “Think of all the suits you’d own if you were Prime Minister. You’d have whole cupboards full.”

“Really?” Lester asked.

“Oh, yes,” the Master whispered. “And just think of all those ties: silk ties, striped ties, ties with tiny polka dots…”

“What about braces?” Lester demanded. “I’d need plenty of those.”

“Of course,” the Master said. “You’d have a whole room devoted to braces alone.” He looked over his shoulder as if someone might be listening then lowered his voice. “I’ll even see to it personally that you have a special pair to wear on your first visit to the Queen.”

“Ooooh!” Lester exclaimed. “The Queen has all those corgis, doesn’t she?” He smiled dreamily. “They’re such lovely dogs with their bright eyes, pointy ears, and little wet noses. They move as fast as they can, bless them, but they’re never quite able to keep up with an 84-year-old woman. But they’d all gather just the same, with wagging tails and lolling tongues. They’d say, ‘Hello, Prime Minister’ in that yapping bark of theirs, and I’d say – ”



“Hello! Is anyone up here?” Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes’s head emerged and he studied the two prisoners in interest.

“It’s about bloody time!” the Master shouted. “This man is completely insane! I’m insane myself, so I know the symptoms.”



Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes glanced at Lester, and Lester gave him a quick wink before kneeling down to greet Lester!Dog. Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes smiled briefly around his pipe, though his face was completely serious when he regarded the Master again.

“I believe you may have to find a new Faust for your political machinations,” Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes said.

The Master’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know about that?”

“It is my business to know what other people don’t know.” Giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes took a contented puff from his pipe. “I may have also heard part of your conversation as I climbed up here.” He glanced at Lester again and was appalled to see Toby lying on his back having his belly rubbed. “Ah, yes. Perhaps it would be best if we – ”



Other Giant Hand suddenly flew past, snatching up giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes before he could finish his sentence and carrying him away from the makeshift prison cell. However, they only made it as far as the bed, when giant radioactive Sherlock Holmes was torn from Other Giant Hand’s grasp and thrown to the mattress. He just managed to roll away, when both Giant Hand and Other Giant Hand landed on the bed.

At this point in the “photo essay,” you may be wondering how the fight between Giant Hand and Other Giant Hand might play out. In fact, you might be picturing a truly epic match, such as the one seen below:

"" (Watch on YouTube)

Of course, if this is what you imagined, you’d be wrong. The fight actually went something like this:

BITCH!!!

SQUEEZE

WRESTLE

THWACK

PIN

POUND

“Kroykah!” Sheppard and McKay both shouted. They had been watching from the sidelines and didn’t like the direction the fight was taking. While Other Giant Hand had cunning and stealth, Giant Hand had greater dexterity and strength on her side. Given Giant Hand’s fiery temper, they weren’t sure how far she might go to satisfy her vengeance.



McKay tried to make Giant Hand see reason. "You two need each other. Giant Hand, if you lost Other Giant Hand, you'd never be able to play the piano again."

"I can't play the piano now," Giant Hand growled. She drew back again, intending to deliver another blow, when Sheppard interrupted her.



“But you can type, can’t you?” Sheppard said. “Or, at least, you could before you decided that you wanted to pulverize your twin sister.”

Giant Hand hesitated, clearly torn. “Maybe I can type with one hand.”

McKay snorted. “You could but you’d be a lot slower. Just think of all the time you’d save if Other Giant Hand continued to assist you.”

Other Giant Hand addressed her sister meekly. “I could do that.”



“Hmm,” Giant Hand said. She released the fist, and everyone held their breath, wondering what her next move would be. Then, the index finger was out, and Giant Hand was waving it at her sister. “You’d better behave from now on or else.”


????????????????


For a short time, the sisters lived in perfect harmony and tranquility.



They worked together.



They played together.



Giant Hand even let Other Giant Hand choose which DVDs they should watch.



And she was happy to discover that they both had the same taste in movies.

Unfortunately, this fragile truce couldn’t last. It fell apart spectacularly when an extremely attractive one-armed man moved in next door. But that’s a story “photo essay” for another day…

Comments

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

That's great. Loved the Master and Lester bits.

I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the Master and Lester bits. I was hoping that Primeval/Lester fans might get a kick out of that scene.

And the fight! Great photos.

Yes, the fight turned out rather well, if I do say so myself. I have to give my mom partial credit for her very helpful suggestion for staging it. :-)

Thanks for sending me the link and happy birthday to jackycomelately.

I knew you'd probably enjoy seeing Lester and Lester!Dog again, so I was very happy to send you the link. Oh, and thanks for wishing jackycomelately a happy birthday as well. :-)