Maurice Scribble

[rusty_armour]

I blame my swollen glands, Tylenol Cold Plus and the Mint Buds I ate earlier, but I've found myself writing a kind of parody post-ep for Maurice in my head. It's completely ridiculous, so I'm not sure what's possessing me to share it. Uh, here's the final Maurice/Alec scene from Maurice in case the one drunk person reading this post needs a refresher:

"MAURICE BOATHOUSE SCENE" (Watch on YouTube)

And for anyone who's stumbled upon this link, you can find the whole story here...if your constitution can bear it. *g*



In the Boathouse - Several Hours Later


JW: Well, Alec, now that we've had sexual intercourse in every conceivable position, I think it's time we were on our way.

RG: What do you mean? Is the boathouse not grand enough for you? Are you ashamed to be seen here with the likes of me? Afraid of what your mar might say?

JW: (Maurice kisses the top of Scudder's head) No, no, not at all. I love your little boathouse, even though it technically belongs to Clive. Alec, if I could remain here with you forever, I would, but --

RG: You said we could go anywhere, do anything. Well, I want to stay here, Maurice -- in the boathouse.

JW: Alec, if we stay here, we'll be arrested.

RG: (Scudder's forehead creases in confusion) For trespassing? But Mr. Durham said you're welcome to stay at the boathouse whenever you please.

JW: No, love. He said I was welcome to stay at the house house, and I don't think this is quite what he had in mind. Besides, it isn't trespassing that concerns me, but the numerous lewd and indecent acts we've just committed. Mr. Lasker-Jones suggested that I move to a country where homosexuality is tolerated, such as France or Italy.

RG: But France or Italy is miles away from the boathouse!

JW: (Cups Scudder's face in his hands) Alec, I realize that this will be exceedingly difficult, but, for both our sakes, you must give up this wild notion of living in a boathouse.

RG: (Scudder pulls away from Maurice, sulking) I already gave up Argentina for you and now you expect me to give up my boathouse as well?

JW: It's Clive's boathouse and, yes, Alec, I do. Our love isn't accepted in England and, so, we must go abroad. Remember those wonderful sculptures we saw in the British Museum? Well, you wouldn't believe the kind of art they have in France and Italy.

RG: (Muttering angrily to himself) I don't care about no art what toffs is gawking at.

JW: Alec, would you go to France or Italy if we had a boathouse?

RG: (Scudder shrugs sulkily) Might.

JW: Alec, would you go to France or Italy if we had this boathouse?

RG: (Scudder's eyes light up momentarily in excitement then narrow) Don't be daft. We couldn't possibly get the boathouse across the English Channel. It's too heavy. It would sink.

JW: (Maurice smiles indulgently at Scudder) We'd break it down first, Alec. Then, when we reached our destination, we'd rebuild it.

RG: (Scudder looks confused again) But it's not our boathouse. It's Mr. Durham's. You said so yourself. He ain't going to allow us to tear it down.

JW: He will if we blackmail him. (Maurice rises and starts to get dressed) No, no. You stay here, Alec. I've seen your attempts at blackmail and they aren't very good. No, I shall take care of the blackmail while you decide exactly where we're going to rebuild the boathouse.

RG: (Scudder pulls Maurice down for a quick kiss then smiles as Maurice leaves the boathouse) I wonder if Mr. Durham will allow us to take the ladder too.

---

Right. It's official. I've seriously lost it.