Maurice Scribble

[rusty_armour]

I blame my swollen glands, Tylenol Cold Plus and the Mint Buds I ate earlier, but I've found myself writing a kind of parody post-ep for Maurice in my head. It's completely ridiculous, so I'm not sure what's possessing me to share it. Uh, here's the final Maurice/Alec scene from Maurice in case the one drunk person reading this post needs a refresher:

"MAURICE BOATHOUSE SCENE" (Watch on YouTube)

And for anyone who's stumbled upon this link, you can find the whole story here...if your constitution can bear it. *g*



In the Boathouse - Several Hours Later


JW: Well, Alec, now that we've had sexual intercourse in every conceivable position, I think it's time we were on our way.

RG: What do you mean? Is the boathouse not grand enough for you? Are you ashamed to be seen here with the likes of me? Afraid of what your mar might say?

JW: (Maurice kisses the top of Scudder's head) No, no, not at all. I love your little boathouse, even though it technically belongs to Clive. Alec, if I could remain here with you forever, I would, but --

RG: You said we could go anywhere, do anything. Well, I want to stay here, Maurice -- in the boathouse.

JW: Alec, if we stay here, we'll be arrested.

RG: (Scudder's forehead creases in confusion) For trespassing? But Mr. Durham said you're welcome to stay at the boathouse whenever you please.

JW: No, love. He said I was welcome to stay at the house house, and I don't think this is quite what he had in mind. Besides, it isn't trespassing that concerns me, but the numerous lewd and indecent acts we've just committed. Mr. Lasker-Jones suggested that I move to a country where homosexuality is tolerated, such as France or Italy.

RG: But France or Italy is miles away from the boathouse!

JW: (Cups Scudder's face in his hands) Alec, I realize that this will be exceedingly difficult, but, for both our sakes, you must give up this wild notion of living in a boathouse.

RG: (Scudder pulls away from Maurice, sulking) I already gave up Argentina for you and now you expect me to give up my boathouse as well?

JW: It's Clive's boathouse and, yes, Alec, I do. Our love isn't accepted in England and, so, we must go abroad. Remember those wonderful sculptures we saw in the British Museum? Well, you wouldn't believe the kind of art they have in France and Italy.

RG: (Muttering angrily to himself) I don't care about no art what toffs is gawking at.

JW: Alec, would you go to France or Italy if we had a boathouse?

RG: (Scudder shrugs sulkily) Might.

JW: Alec, would you go to France or Italy if we had this boathouse?

RG: (Scudder's eyes light up momentarily in excitement then narrow) Don't be daft. We couldn't possibly get the boathouse across the English Channel. It's too heavy. It would sink.

JW: (Maurice smiles indulgently at Scudder) We'd break it down first, Alec. Then, when we reached our destination, we'd rebuild it.

RG: (Scudder looks confused again) But it's not our boathouse. It's Mr. Durham's. You said so yourself. He ain't going to allow us to tear it down.

JW: He will if we blackmail him. (Maurice rises and starts to get dressed) No, no. You stay here, Alec. I've seen your attempts at blackmail and they aren't very good. No, I shall take care of the blackmail while you decide exactly where we're going to rebuild the boathouse.

RG: (Scudder pulls Maurice down for a quick kiss then smiles as Maurice leaves the boathouse) I wonder if Mr. Durham will allow us to take the ladder too.

---

Right. It's official. I've seriously lost it.

Comments

[fengirl88.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE A GENIUS AND SHOULD LOSE IT MORE OFTEN.

*giggling hysterically*

"I've seen your attempts at blackmail and they're not very good."

I think they're going to get the ladder thrown in...

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE A GENIUS AND SHOULD LOSE IT MORE OFTEN.

That's extremely kind of you to say! Thank you! :-D I'm not sure how safe it is for me to lose it more often. The consequences could be both dire and frightening... *g*

*giggling hysterically*

I'm relieved you found it funny. I was hoping someone would get a laugh. :-)

"I've seen your attempts at blackmail and they're not very good."

I think they're going to get the ladder thrown in...

Oh, I'm sure they are. I bet Maurice will ask for it without Alec even having to prompt him. *g*

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

Awwww! I now see them moving the boathouse across the Channel in a rowboat, with the ladder hanging off at a precarious angle.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! I love that image, especially the ladder hanging off at a precarious angle! :-) If you find yourself moved to write about their ocean crossing, I certainly wouldn't stop you! *g*

[kalypso-v.livejournal.com]

I wonder if Mr. Durham will allow us to take the ladder too.

They'll have to rebuild it as a two-storey boathouse.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! Sadly, it occurred to me this morning that the ladder wouldn't do much good if they go with the original plans for the boathouse. Maybe they could put on an addition, or reserve the ladder for occasions in which Maurice is invited to stay in snooty Italian villas or French mansions. The ladder could come in handy, then. Of course, I suppose Alec's desire to bring the ladder could simply be for sentimental reasons. *g*

[karen9.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! It made me smile. I love your sense of humour and envy your ability to write humour.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much, karen9! I'm flattered that you would take the time to read this! :-) I'm happy you found it funny, especially as I assume you haven't had a chance to see the film.

I'm not sure why, but writing humour comes fairly effortlessly for me a lot of the time. Maybe I watched too much Monty Python (and other Britcoms) growing up. *g*

[2ndskin.livejournal.com]

Can't stop giggling. I love utterly confused Alec. And LOVE "It's too heavy. It would sink." This reads almost like a Python sketch!
Delicious!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, blooms84! Considering how much you've made me laugh with your Mystrade stories, I'm happy I could return the favour for once! :-D

I'm glad you love utterly confused Alec (not to mention the lines relating to the boathouse Channel crossing), which is something that just seemed to come about when I started writing out this bizarre little parody. I'm flattered you think this reads like a Python sketch because I absolutely LOVE Python! :-D

[njc2007.livejournal.com]

I love your sense of humour. You write it so well that I can imagine the scene even though I haven't watched the movie.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being brave enough to read this, njc2007! I wasn't expecting anyone who hadn't seen the film to be interested, so I was pleasantly surprised to receive comments from both you and karen9. :-D

I'm flattered that my sense of humour appeals to you. And it means a lot that you can imagine the scene without having watched the movie. :-) A lot of the credit should probably be given to the acting abilities of James Wilby and Rupert Graves, as I ended up watching certain scenes enough times to pick up particular speech patterns. *g*

[njc2007.livejournal.com]

Bravery had nothing to do with it. I like your writing style. The only things I haven't read are your Primeval fics because they require knowledge of the show that I don't have.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

I'm actually so touched by your comment that I don't know what to say -- besides THANK YOU! I knew you had read most (if not all) of my SGA stories, but I hadn't realized that you'd read any other fic. I mean, it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't read the Primeval stories, as you don't have knowledge of the show. However, I would have also understood if you hadn't read any other fic. And I'm not really expressing myself very well -- possibly because I'm still on Tylenol Cold Plus. *g* I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel very happy and honoured that you like my writing style. I know I said this before, but it really does mean a lot. :-D

[crocodile-eat-u.livejournal.com]

Hahahahha! Oh god I needed this! Lol! XD Hehehe!

Genius, utter genius. Nuff said. ^^

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Hahahahha! Oh god I needed this! Lol! XD Hehehe!

Oh, good! I'm happy this strange little parody was able to provide some much needed laughter! :-)

Genius, utter genius. Nuff said. ^^

You're much much too kind, crocodile_eat_u! Thank you for your generous praise! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :-D

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Maybe they could tie a bunch of balloons to the boathouse like in the movie Up...

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great solution, darthhellokitty! It would save them the trouble of having to tear down the boathouse and then build it again! *g*

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

I'm picturing the ladder hanging down, hahaha!!!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Even better! LOL! :-D

[warriorbot.livejournal.com]

"I wonder if Mr. Durham will allow us to take the ladder too. "

*is so delighted*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, warriorbot! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :-)

[et-cetera55.livejournal.com]

Lol! This is brilliant! Love it to bits!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

That's such a kind thing to say, et_cetera55! Thank you! I'm very happy you enjoyed this strange little parody! :-D

[jb_slasher]

Laughing so hard! :D

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, jb_slasher! I'm very happy it gave you a laugh! :-D

In case you didn't know, there are two other scenes to this bizarre fic. I've placed the whole insane thing here (http://rusty-armour.livejournal.com/76846.html). I should really provide a link from here to this entry. I'll do that today.