Birthday Fic: Fall Out Boy Fall Out (2/2)
Sep. 23rd, 2011 12:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rusty_armourTitle: Fall Out Boy Fall Out (2/2)
Author: Rusty Armour
Summary: The action figures can’t stop singing Fall Out Boy songs – literally. Can the Doctor find a way to save his ears and his friends?
Category: Slashy Action Figure fic kind of deal. Crossover of Fall Out Boy, Doctor Who, Enterprise, Stargate Atlantis, Primeval, and Robin of Sherwood – with a tiny bit of Buffy and Harry Potter thrown in for good measure.
Rating: PG-13. Mostly.
Spoilers: Uh…possibly several?
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, with the exception of Giant Hand, Earhart and Lester!Dog. It’s not worth suing me because I have no real money to speak of – except that treasure that’s still buried in Bluffer’s Park.
Author Notes: This was written for
jackycomelately’s birthday. She specifically asked for an action figure story that involved Fall Out Boy in some way. I hope this fic won’t disappoint.
The TARDIS rocked and shook as it travelled through time and space. This was mostly because
rusty_armour had insisted on verisimilitude, so Giant Hand was rattling the blue cardboard box as she carried it. When the tiny craft finally did land, the Doctor, K-9, Lester!Dog and Earhart all tumbled out. Then they were gaping at their surroundings in amazement. 
“I can’t believe it. She did it. She actually did it.” The Doctor turned excitedly to K-9. “Are your sensors picking up anything?”
“Affirmative,” K-9 said. “I am detecting four humans at a distance of approximately 97 metres.”
The Doctor’s head whipped around to his right and then to his left before he spotted the four young men. “Well, obviously I'm too late to stop Pete Wentz and Joe Trohman from becoming friends, but I might still be able to persuade the group to break up.” He broke into a run, hoping K-9 and their two furry friends could keep up with him.
The Doctor was so determined to reach his quarry that he failed to notice two things: a) the four young men were half-naked and b) they were armed and possibly dangerous.
“Retreat!” the Doctor shouted. “Hurry! Run! Back to the TARDIS!”
The four time travellers practically hurled themselves into the TARDIS in their haste to flee. The Doctor leaned heavily against one of the craft’s thin walls, panting.
“Problem?” Giant Hand asked, peeking through the TARDIS door.
The Doctor glared at her. “You didn’t mention that they would be armed and clad in swimming trunks!”
Giant Hand feigned innocence – badly. “Oh, didn’t I?”
The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “You deliberately sabotaged my plan, didn’t you?”
“Yuh huh,” Giant Hand said.
The Doctor gritted his teeth. “May I ask why?”
Giant Hand nodded or, rather, waved her fingers in the approximation of a nod. “
rusty_armour is writing this fic for jackycomelately, who is a big Fall Out Boy fan. I can’t let you go back in time to try to stop Fall Out Boy from getting together. That would be, like, the crappiest birthday present ever.” The Doctor sighed. “Yes, all right. I suppose I see your point, but I’ve got to do something.”
“You will,” Giant Hand said. “You’re going to go back in time and talk to Patrick Stump. He’ll give you the answers you need.”
The Doctor scowled. “Will he at least be fully dressed and unarmed?”
Giant Hand resisted the urge to give the Doctor the finger. “Yes, he’ll be fully dressed and unarmed. I think you’ll also find that if you’re completely honest with him, he’ll be more than willing to share some important information in return.”
The Doctor stared at Giant Hand in surprise. “Did you just give me a hint?”
“No,
rusty_armour did, though I guess it’s basically the same thing.”
“So, let me get this straight,” Patrick Stump said. “You’ve travelled here from the future because your friends are being forced to sing Fall Out Boy songs against their will.” He broke into a huge grin. “Far out!”
The Doctor eyed Patrick coldly. “You wouldn’t have thought it was ‘far out’ if you’d been there.”
Patrick frowned. “Are you saying you don’t like listening to our music, Doctor?”
The Doctor shook his head. “No, not at all,” he said. “What I don’t enjoy is listening to my friends singing your music incessantly. Oh, all right. Some of them have paused briefly from time to time, but then they’re back at it again and it just never ends.”
Patrick winced. “Yeah, I guess I can see how that might get a little annoying after a while.” He leaned a bit closer to the Doctor, lowering his voice. “This is going to sound crazy, and it might not even help, but I received some fan mail the other day from this complete nutjob who says that once he’s taken over the planet, he’s going to make it mandatory for all of Earth’s survivors to listen to Fall Out Boy, the Scissor Sisters and Rogue Traders for a minimum of five hours a day, whether they’re on the Archangel Network or not.”
The Doctor felt a chill go down his spine. “His name wouldn’t happen to be Harry Saxon, would it?”
Patrick’s eyes widened. “Yeah, it is, but how did – ? Oh my God! He’s not the same Harry Saxon who’s running for Prime Minister in the UK, is he?”
“Don’t worry,” the Doctor said. “His political career won’t last long.”
Patrick ran a hand across his face then nodded numbly. “No, I guess not.”
The Doctor smiled sympathetically. “Look, I’ve got to go, but, as you’ve been so helpful, Patrick, I think I should give you some advice…”
The TARDIS had barely landed inside
rusty_armour’s apartment when the Doctor burst through the door. He moaned and clutched his head as his ears were assaulted by the sound of several voices. “Right. K-9, you know what you need to do.” “Affirmative, master,” K-9 said.
The Doctor glanced down at the German shepherd and cat who were cowering at his side. “Might be best if you took Lester and Earhart with you, K-9. I know you’ll be carrying out a delicate negotiation with a Dalek, but, considering Sec’s soft spot for you, I think they’ll be safer.”
The Doctor saw his companions off with a sad little wave then steeled himself for the ordeal to come.
I hope he is a gentleman
And maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing about this part of town
Won't find out
He won't find out
Won't find out
He won't find out
The Doctor had no trouble tracking down his adversaries. They were attending the concert being performed on the bridge of the Enterprise by the action figures they had enslaved.
“Ah, Doctor, we wondered where you had wandered off to!” Master 2.0 shouted, trying to be heard above the noise.
The Doctor ignored Master 2.0 in favour of knocking Master 1.0 to the ground. “You did this! K-9 tracked the mesmeric signal you’ve been transmitting from the Eiffel Tower!”
Master 1.0 laughed. “And just how did I manage to transmit anything, Doctor? The Eiffel Tower is made out of cardboard!”
“This is fanfic: anything’s possible!” the Doctor said.
Master 1.0 grinned. “Okay, you’ve got me, but I didn’t act alone.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Well, obviously not. You got your identical twin to help you.”
“And Dr. Rodney McKay,” Master 1.0 said.
The Doctor’s jaw dropped. “No, I don’t believe you. He would never do that. He’s-he’s Canadian.”
Master 1.0’s grin grew even wider. “He’s also a huge Fall Out Boy fan. He’d do anything for them. Besides, he’s not as virtuous as you think. He did destroy a planet.”
The Doctor frowned. “It was an accident.”
Master 1.0 snorted. “That’s what he says.”
“Well, I’ll have a little chat with him later,” the Doctor said.
Master 1.0 smirked. “Might be a bit difficult when he’s singing.”
The Doctor tutted and shook his head. “Oh, he won’t be singing for much longer. The Dalek will see to that.”
“What?” Master 1.0 exchanged an alarmed glance with Master 2.0. Then he managed to shove the Doctor off him and ran to look out at the Eiffel Tower. He was just in time to see Sec fire and the Eiffel Tower erupt into flames.
“NOOOOOOOOOO!” both Masters screamed.
The music ended abruptly, and everyone stood, lost in a daze. Well, everyone except McKay, who kicked the captain’s chair in his fury. He was just pointing an accusatory finger at the Doctor when Patrick Stump appeared on the bridge in a glowing light.
“Yeah, I know,” Patrick said. “I’m glowing. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in a band called Fall Out Boy all these years or if it’s the new look.” He smiled at the Doctor. “That’s why I’m here, actually. I wanted to thank you for the great fashion tips you gave me. I’m lovin’ my new look, and so are the fans.”
The Doctor beamed. “Ah, that’s wonderful, Patrick. I was very happy to help.”
As Patrick Stump zoomed off in a blazing trail of light, Master 1.0 turned to the Doctor incredulously. “Patrick Stump looks just like you, and you look just like Patrick Stump.”
The Doctor shrugged. “Well, I don’t know if I’d say that. I suppose there are some similarities, but – ”
The Doctor was cut off as Master 1.0 grabbed him by his suit lapels and kissed him. The Doctor suffered through the intense snogging for about two minutes before pushing Master 1.0 away.
“No, this is wrong,” the Doctor said. “What about poor Rose? She’s in love with me.”
Master 1.0 shook his head then jerked his chin at a spot over the Doctor’s left shoulder. The Doctor whirled around and then almost fainted at the sight that met his eyes.
“Rose, how could you?” the Doctor cried. “Did what we share mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?” He tilted his head, studying Rose more closely. “And when exactly did you become a lesbian?”
Rose scowled at the Doctor, her hands on her hips. “You drove me to it. You’ll never leave the Master for me, but how can I move on when no other man could ever compare to you?” She threw her hands up helplessly. “How am I supposed to find another man when there isn’t a single straight male in this flat?” She turned back to Jenny, stroking her hair affectionately. “Jenny understands.”
“Umm, hello?” Lester said. “Jenny’s married. I should know. I was the officiant.”
Jenny rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, James. It’s so over. Besides, I was on the rebound when I married David.”
“Michael. His name was Michael.” Lester raised an eyebrow at Rose. “Are you all right with being used in this fashion?”
Rose smiled. “Of course. It’s completely mutual. I use her and she uses me.” She cupped Jenny’s face and began kissing her again.
Lester shifted uncomfortably. Then his discomfort became even more acute when he realized that Master 2.0 was staring at him fixedly.
“You don’t look like Pete Wentz,” Master 2.0 said.
Lester crossed his arms. “No, I should think not.”
“I can work with that.” Master 2.0 seized Lester and planted a kiss on him. Surprisingly, Lester didn’t resist. In fact, with his palms pressed firmly against the back pockets of Master 2.0’s jeans, he seemed to be encouraging his would-be lover.
The Doctor knew he should put a stop to it as Lester and Master 2.0 didn’t have compatible star signs, but it was at that moment that Master 1.0 stuck a hand down the front of the Doctor’s trousers.
With a smoochfest laid out before them, and no Fall Out Boy music to distract them, the rest of the action figures soon fell like dominoes. Sheppard wrapped his arms around McKay, while Archer pinned Mayweather against the bridge railing and Reed pounced on top of Trip. It was a strange ending, but a happy one.
“That was, by far, the worst ending I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness,” Snape said.
Spike nodded. “It was completely clichéd and totally predictable. Of course everyone was going to pair off like they were in some bloody Shakespearean comedy.
Snape grimaced. “The only way it could have been worse is if the Doctor had ridden off into the sunset, or had woken up to discover that it was all just some terrible dream…”
The Doctor sat bolt upright in bed. “Oh, thank goodness! It was all just some terrible dream!”
“Ah, did Snookums have a nightmare?” Master 1.0 had crawled out from under the covers and was now nestling against the Doctor.
The Doctor shrieked and flew back from Master 1.0. “What are you doing in my bed? Get out this instant!”
Master 1.0 grinned. “That’s not what you said last night, darling.”
The Doctor shook his head wildly. “No, no, no! We-we couldn’t! We-we wouldn’t!”
The Doctor was so distraught that he almost didn’t notice Master 2.0 appear on his left side, yawning and gazing at him blearily.
“Do you mind?” Master 2.0 said. “Some of us are trying to sleep.”
The Doctor shrieked again as no other reaction seemed quite as appropriate in the circumstances.
Lester popped out last, glaring at the Doctor. “Were trying to sleep. Past tense.”
Master 2.0 whacked the Doctor’s arm. “Selfish sod. You woke up James.”
“It’s okay,” Lester said. “I’m sure you can find some way to entertain me.”
Master 2.0 growled and dove on top of Lester.
As the Doctor was forced to accept the full horror of his situation, he couldn’t help remembering a bit of Fall Out Boy lyrics he had heard the day before as they seemed particularly apt:
And join a monastery?
Go out and preach young addicts straight
Where will I be when I wake up next to a stranger
On a passenger plane?
Permanent jet lag, please take me back
Please take me back, please take me back
I'm a stray dog sick, please let me in
Please let me in, the mat keeps tripping
Singing vows before we exchange smoke rings
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no subject
Date: 2011-09-24 03:22 am (UTC)"This was mostly because rusty_armour had insisted on verisimilitude, so Giant Hand was rattling the blue cardboard box as she carried it."
This is deeply deeply funny. I'm not even sure why, it just is.
Good job on finding a half naked and yet really unflattering photograph of Fall Out Boy. You'd think the nice bodies would have a mitigating effect, but nope they so look like the goofs they are! Yes, Doctor, retreat is the correct response.
Oh yes, pretty pretty baby Patrick. That's such a great photograph of him.
“Problem?” Giant Hand asked, peeking through the TARDIS door.
Okay, I want to see the Giant Hand peek. I really really do! You have to do an action shot of that sometime. I have faith that you could do it.
Giant Hand feigned innocence – badly. “Oh, didn’t I?”
I always love when Giant Hand is more then just the strong action figure.
"I can’t let you go back in time to try to stop Fall Out Boy from getting together. That would be, like, the crappiest birthday present ever.”
I laughed so hard when I read that line that I think I scared my neighbours. Yes, no making me cry on my birthday!
"...when Patrick Stump appeared on the bridge in a glowing light."
I think Pete would argue that that's the way he always appears...Oh my god! He so looks like a plastic action figure in that shot!
“Yeah, I know,” Patrick said. “I’m glowing. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in a band called Fall Out Boy all these years or if it’s the new look.” He smiled at the Doctor. “That’s why I’m here, actually. I wanted to thank you for the great fashion tips you gave me. I’m lovin’ my new look, and so are the fans.”
Heeeeeeeeeeee! Oh my god! Yes, when he's not doing Michael Jackson/Prince type things, he could be a little Doctor clone! Heeeeeeeeee! Way to connect the two universes. That's awesome!
I really think Spike and Snape are lucky to have each other. It must be lonely to be all cynical by yourself.
And it all ends in porn! All stories should end that way!
This is wonderful! I didn't know how you were going to incorporate Fall Out Boy into your usual cast of characters. You outdid yourself! How much time did you spend on this? I can't believe you found a Doctor Who video using a Fall Out Boy song.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-24 06:13 pm (UTC)I couldn't resist making the sign for my TARDIS after falling in love with the Master and John Simm. *g*
"This was mostly because rusty_armour had insisted on verisimilitude, so Giant Hand was rattling the blue cardboard box as she carried it."
This is deeply deeply funny. I'm not even sure why, it just is.
Oh, awesome! It was a line that just popped into my head as I was writing the fic, so I went with it as I found it amusing. The TARDIS does have a habit of throwing her passengers around. *g*
Good job on finding a half naked and yet really unflattering photograph of Fall Out Boy. You'd think the nice bodies would have a mitigating effect, but nope they so look like the goofs they are! Yes, Doctor, retreat is the correct response.
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't purposely trawl the Net looking for a half naked and yet really unflattering photograph of Fall Out Boy. *g* I did an image search and downloaded a whole bunch of pictures. Then, when I went to write this story, I remembered this particular image and thought it would be funny.
Okay, I want to see the Giant Hand peek. I really really do! You have to do an action shot of that sometime. I have faith that you could do it.
LOLOLOLOL!!! I wanted to give you that picture (I really did), but it was physically impossible as my TARDIS only has the one door that opens -- and only a little way at that. If I'd had more time, I probably could have built some kind of TARDIS set (like, oh, the show) and do it that way.
"I can’t let you go back in time to try to stop Fall Out Boy from getting together. That would be, like, the crappiest birthday present ever.”
I laughed so hard when I read that line that I think I scared my neighbours. Yes, no making me cry on my birthday!
I'm glad it gave you such a laugh, even if you did scare the neighbours! :-D
I think Pete would argue that that's the way he always appears...Oh my god! He so looks like a plastic action figure in that shot!
So, apparently, the glowing was a bit of unintended verisimilitude. *g* I hadn't thought of it before you pointed it out, but Patrick Stump does look like a plastic action figure in that shot! I guess that's what happens when you enter the world of Action Figure Theatre! Mwahahah!
Heeeeeeeeeeee! Oh my god! Yes, when he's not doing Michael Jackson/Prince type things, he could be a little Doctor clone! Heeeeeeeeee! Way to connect the two universes. That's awesome!
When I saw this picture (http://s1000.photobucket.com/albums/af126/jackycomelately/?action=view¤t=PatrickStumppatrickstump1.png) in your Fall Out Boy Pimping Post for rusty_armour (http://jackycomelately.livejournal.com/44388.html), I immediately thought that he looked just like the Tenth Doctor. *g*
I really think Spike and Snape are lucky to have each other. It must be lonely to be all cynical by yourself.
I was feeling a bit guilty because I hadn't used them in anything since To Boldly Go Where No Action Figure Has Quite Gone Before (http://rusty-armour.livejournal.com/24765.html), so I thought they at least deserved a cameo appearance.
And it all ends in porn! All stories should end that way!
Well, it's hard to go wrong with porn. *g*
This is wonderful! I didn't know how you were going to incorporate Fall Out Boy into your usual cast of characters.
Yeah, I didn't know how I was going to incorporate them either at first. Thankfully, I found a way that seems to have been satisfying. :-)
You outdid yourself! How much time did you spend on this?
Thank you very much! :-D I'm not actually sure how much time I spent on this latest birthday project. It's all kind of a blur. *g*
I can't believe you found a Doctor Who video using a Fall Out Boy song.
There are actually a surprising number of Doctor Who vids set to Fall Out Boy songs. In fact, even Doctor Who Confidential put together a retrospective segment using "Thnks fr th Mmrs":
no subject
Date: 2011-09-24 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-24 06:29 pm (UTC)Hey,
I enjoy your action figure fics.
That's very kind of you to say. Thanks again. :-D
I like the Giant Hand and the anything is possible in fanfic solution.
I had no idea that Giant Hand actually had fans until I read the comments for this post! Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the part she played in this insane story. :-) As for the "anything is possible in fanfic" solution, I'm waiting for someone to tell me it was a giant cop-out... *g* However, cynicism aside, I honestly do believe that anything is possible in fic -- and I think it's something
This is one of my favourite lines: He would never do that. He’s-he’s Canadian.
Oh, fabulous! I'm happy to hear it! :-) I assumed only Canadians might find that funny. *g*
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-28 01:11 am (UTC)Here are the other stories in this action figure universe if you're ever feeling curious or completely drunk:
To Boldly Go Where No Action Figure Has Quite Gone Before (http://rusty-armour.livejournal.com/24765.html)
The Crazy Kitty Caper or the Grand Adventures of Pirate John (http://rusty-armour.livejournal.com/42993.html)
By the Pricking of My Thumbs, Something Wicked This Way Comes (http://rusty-armour.livejournal.com/71316.html)
The last two stories in this list include Giant Radioactive Sherlock Holmes. *g*
I have to apologize for not commenting on Lessons Learned (http://morganstuart.livejournal.com/15577.html) yet. I actually read it last week, but got tied up with this story -- among other things. Then, I just kept forgetting. However, I'm going to go and leave some feedback right now. :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-16 09:58 pm (UTC)And did anyone see see you taking pics of the figures outside, be funny if they did ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-16 10:10 pm (UTC)Oh, I'm sure I do! *g*
hehehehehehe v funny.
Thank you! I'm glad it gave you a laugh! :-)
Why do you have a cardboard Eiffel Tower?
My uncle gave it to me for Christmas. I hope he doesn't find out that it was incinerated by a Dalek... ;-)
I love View to a Kill and Max muhaha.
Oh, groovy! I wasn't sure if anyone even knew what I was talking about! *g*
And did anyone see see you taking pics of the figures outside, be funny if they did ;)
*Looks around cautiously and lowers voice* I actually took that one picture in my parents' garden. As far as I know, no one saw me, though my mom knew I was taking it.