Being a Little Less Quiet

[rusty_armour]

A friend on Facebook (who's also on my LJ flist) said I'd been quiet lately and asked how I was doing. She may have simply been starting a conversation, but I assumed that she might be concerned as well. You see, I confided something to her that I've only shared with a handful of people -- mostly because the subject came up in other contexts. It's not that I don't trust all of my good friends. It's not a matter of trust at all. It's courage. I'm not good at discussing problems when I'm actually experiencing them. I'm the type who goes into a corner to lick her wounds. I guess I need to process everything before I can really confide in people. Hell, to be honest, I haven't even told my siblings about this. My dad had to find out from my mom --and I'm not sure if he even has the full story. And I don't mean to sound all scary and mysterious. I'm only sharing this in case it might help other people. Actually, I've been meaning to post about this for a long time.

I had a breakdown in August. Well, my therapist thinks it was probably a breakdown. At the time, I thought it was perimenopause. I've always had bad PMS (in terms of mood swings) and the symptoms seemed to match. I was crying all the time and feeling depressed and anxious. When I returned from my trip to Victoria, it got so bad that I literally lost the will to live. That was when I went to see my doctor. She prescribed Zoloft and tried to get me to see a therapist. As I was convinced it was perimenopause, I wanted to get tests done first. It honestly came as a shock when all the tests came back clear and I had to accept that it was me not my hormones. I'm not sure why it was such a surprise. Depression runs in the family. All the same, I cried for the entire day after that doctor's appointment and it took me some time to come to terms with the news.

In the new year, I finally made an appointment with the therapist that my doctor had recommended. She pinpointed the problem by the third appointment: I was feeling trapped in my job -- a job I never liked. She thinks the breakdown came because I very much don't identify myself by my job and my identity was being threatened because I was feeling more and more penned in. And that sounds so lame. My therapist explained it a lot better. Anywaaaaaay, once I knew what the problem was, and knew what steps I had to take (e.g. look for a new job and break my negative cycle of thinking), I felt so much better. In fact, after months and months, I actually started feeling like myself again. It makes such a difference when you know exactly what you're facing and can be proactive about it. And I'm doing a LOT better. Okay, I'm still on anti-depressants, but I've been seeing my therapist much less and haven't been having any issues with depression or anxiety at all lately.

Again, I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't even care whether or not you comment. I'm only sharing my experience in case it might help someone. I want to say that if you're feeling depressed and/or anxious, you need to talk to someone, even if it's just your doctor. I'm usually the Queen of Denial, but let me tell you right now that it won't go away on its own. You have to get help. And, even if it seems hopeless right now, it will get better.

Wow. I wasn't kidding about being less quiet, eh? *g* Well, on the lighter side of things, I've actually been getting work done on my original fiction project (e.g. what I'm supposed to be working on). Once I got Stalky & Co out of my system (and finished writing An Awful Biznai), I found I could focus on it again. And, yes, I know how many times I've said that before. However, now that I'm past the difficult part (e.g. the techy/sciencey stuff), it's been a lot easier. Okay, it's still a great big mess at the moment, but I've had ideas on how to fix certain parts. I've even had ideas about what I might do with it once it's done. That's "when" not "if" because I will finish it.

Comments

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

((((((hugs))))))

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

((((((hugs in return)))))) Thanks, grondfic. :-)

[grassle.livejournal.com]

Just to send you a great big hug and say thinking of you. Glad you're feeling better. I'm always here if you fancy a chat any time.

grassle

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

That's very kind of you, grassle. Thank you very much for saying that. :-)

[grassle.livejournal.com]

And if you feel like reading escapist Stormverse Schmoop, interstitial S-L Stormverse fics set between the main verse fics, look for the group Stormverse Schmoop on my LJ. Don't feel you have to comment or anything. They're not erudite or demanding, just escapist wallowing. Well, for me, anyway!
Great big hug from me and my little cat, currently between me and the keyboard, paws and head over my arm, purring like a creaky door.

[crew4.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for sharing rusty_armour I'm a self confessed Denial Queen as well :-/ I often say to myself 'Just think of something else' with the idea of burying it and 'getting over it'. So many things are currently buried but every now and then they pop their ugly heads through the dirt and wiggle their eyebrows at me, laughing as they taunt me with their pain. I know I need to deal, but I find it hard to do. *hugs* thanks for the advice :-)

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

I totally get that, crew4! I'm pretty sure I've always been a daydreamer because of my inability to cope with reality. *g* If it makes you feel any better, thinking of other things instead isn't always a bad thing. I was sure my therapist would tell me that I should be facing things head on, so I was surprised when she said that daydreaming/thinking of other things seems to be an effective coping strategy for me and that I should keep it up! I should probably explain that she didn't feel I should ignore reality altogether and that she saw this is a good way to stop my negative cycle of thinking. And, btw, that cycle includes the idea that I should "get over it". She said that I should cut myself some slack, accept that I'm going through a rough patch, and allow myself to feel bad.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with thinking of other things if it prevents you from thinking negatively. However, if you find that you just can't cope with what you're feeling (whether it's anxiety or depression) then you should get help. It's really hard (and, believe me, I fought it) but it really can make a huge difference. :-)

[crew4.livejournal.com]

I was sure my therapist would tell me that I should be facing things head on, so I was surprised when she said that daydreaming/thinking of other things seems to be an effective coping strategy for me and that I should keep it up!
I have to say I was very pleased to see this. I thought the same thing, but I do find that it helps me stop things going round and round in my head. Unfortunately though, I do tend to use it for the bad stuff as well. It's nice to know that there is someone out there that can relate and possibly help :-) *more hugs*

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

From what I've learned, negative thinking can really do a number on you. It's amazing how you can improve your mood by breaking out of that cycle and focusing on more positive things. Most of my crying fits came about because of the things going round and round in my head. I've had to learn to stop that cycle and think more positively. When that fails then I try to focus on how I can improve the situation (e.g. looking for a new job). In any case, you're more than welcome to email me any time you need to talk, okay? :-) *hugs in return*

[crew4.livejournal.com]

In any case, you're more than welcome to email me any time you need to talk, okay?

Thanks so, so much. I really do appreciate it, I will remember it. You've already helped me feel better about my daydreams. You know, I think I got it from Scarlett O'Hara LOL

[alysscarlet.livejournal.com]

Well done for sharing, my dear Claire. I know how difficult it can be to talk about these things. I'm so glad to hear that you feel you are doing a lot better and I hope you will continue on that upward path. And well done for going to see your doctor in the first place. As you may remember, I suffered a similar sort of breakdown about 15 years ago, also brought on by my work, and my attitude to it. I too found that medication and therapy helped a great deal to get me through it. I stopped the medication years ago, but I still see my therapist regularly and I think it still helps me keep balanced.

So if there is any help or advice I can give, please don't hesitate to ask. But it sounds like you have some good support mechanisms. You WILL get better and will find that you will be stronger and better able to cope in the future. What doesn't kill you does indeed make you wiser and stronger. :-P

The only advice I would give you is that if/when you decide to come off the anti-depressants, take it VERY slowly. It is worth taking three months or more to reduce the dose gradually. If you do it too fast you can get some unpleasant side effects.

Looking forward to seeing you around here a lot more!

((((hugs))))

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Well done for sharing, my dear Claire. I know how difficult it can be to talk about these things.

Well, thank you very much for reading, alysscarlet! :-) It's incredibly difficult to talk about these things. I can't seem to do it (person to person, at least) without crying, which is why I haven't been able to tell my dad and my siblings. My poor mom knows because she was there around the time of the breakdown.

I'm so glad to hear that you feel you are doing a lot better and I hope you will continue on that upward path.

Ah, thanks again! That's very kind of you! :-)

And well done for going to see your doctor in the first place. As you may remember, I suffered a similar sort of breakdown about 15 years ago, also brought on by my work, and my attitude to it. I too found that medication and therapy helped a great deal to get me through it. I stopped the medication years ago, but I still see my therapist regularly and I think it still helps me keep balanced.

It seems that work is the root cause for a lot of mental health issues. It's comforting to know that you were able to work through your own problems and found both medication and therapy useful. I'm glad you continue to see your therapist if it helps you stay balanced. I'm amazed by how much therapy has helped me.

So if there is any help or advice I can give, please don't hesitate to ask. But it sounds like you have some good support mechanisms.

I appreciate that very much. I do have good support mechanisms, but it's great to know that there's someone I can turn to if I need some extra advice. :-D

You WILL get better and will find that you will be stronger and better able to cope in the future. What doesn't kill you does indeed make you wiser and stronger. :-P

It's wonderful to hear that from someone who has faced the same struggles. And I keep trying to remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :-)

The only advice I would give you is that if/when you decide to come off the anti-depressants, take it VERY slowly. It is worth taking three months or more to reduce the dose gradually. If you do it too fast you can get some unpleasant side effects.

I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of weeks and was going to discuss that very subject with her. I've heard that excellent advice from a couple of other people, so I'll definitely be careful.

Looking forward to seeing you around here a lot more!

((((hugs))))


((((hugs in return)))) Thanks for being so generous and open about your own mental health struggles! I'll do my best to be around her a lot more! :-D

[njc2007.livejournal.com]

((((HUGS)))) Yes, all caps for really big hugs.

I am not surprised by your post perhaps because I've been there too.

I have nothing concrete to substantiate my view but I feel we pay a psychological price for our creativity. That said, you are very creative and this may be the price you pay.

Finding the root cause is wonderful news. (I'm still seeking mine.) It gives you something to work on. It is true that being able to face a problem and "do" something about it is very empowering.

I sought help in the late 1990s and have been at this for a while. I started with Zoloft and have been on Prozac, Wellbutrin, and finally Cipralex. My psychiatrist is currently increasing my dose of Cipralex. I found Zoloft did two things: it made me very sleepy and it stifled my creativity. Prozac gave me tremors and Wellbutrin did nothing (apparently it is supposed to work with another antidepressant but the family doctor tried it alone). I am telling you this because I want you to know that you may need to try a few different medications until you find the right one for you. Zoloft saved my life and I was incredibly grateful for it until I could not get back to my creative pursuits.

You have been very generous in offering support to me. This goes both ways. You are not alone and you have a lot of people who care about you.

As an aside, thank you for the heartfelt card. It was the nicest I have received because you wrote it yourself.

Lots of love....

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

((((HUGS)))) Yes, all caps for really big hugs.

Oh, thank you! :-D The same goes out to you! ((((HUGS))))

I am not surprised by your post perhaps because I've been there too.

I can understand that. I think once you've been through it, you understand how easily it can happen to someone.

I have nothing concrete to substantiate my view but I feel we pay a psychological price for our creativity. That said, you are very creative and this may be the price you pay.

Oh, I think there's definitely some truth in that! You just have to look at the number of artists over the years who have struggled with mental health issues if you need to back up your theory. I know my mom made the exact same argument when I broke the news to her. Maybe it has to do with the brain chemistry of creative people. Either that or it's a right brain vs. left brain kind of deal.

Finding the root cause is wonderful news. (I'm still seeking mine.) It gives you something to work on. It is true that being able to face a problem and "do" something about it is very empowering.

I'm sorry you're still seeking the root cause of your mental health issues. I hope you're able to find it as it really does give you something to work towards. I felt so helpless and scared when I didn't know what I was facing.

My psychiatrist is currently increasing my dose of Cipralex. I found Zoloft did two things: it made me very sleepy and it stifled my creativity. Prozac gave me tremors and Wellbutrin did nothing (apparently it is supposed to work with another antidepressant but the family doctor tried it alone). I am telling you this because I want you to know that you may need to try a few different medications until you find the right one for you. Zoloft saved my life and I was incredibly grateful for it until I could not get back to my creative pursuits.

I hope your psychiatrist can find the dose of Cipralex that's right for you. My Zoloft dosage is fairly low, so, thankfully, my creativity doesn't seem to be stifled. However, I know what you mean about the drowsiness. It hit me more when I first started taking it, but I'll still get sleepier than usual in the evenings sometimes.

You have been very generous in offering support to me. This goes both ways. You are not alone and you have a lot of people who care about you.

It's so kind of you to say that! Thank you very much! That means a lot! :-D And, yes, I'm realizing more and more that I have a lot of people who care about me. I'm extremely fortunate and grateful.

As an aside, thank you for the heartfelt card. It was the nicest I have received because you wrote it yourself.

You're very welcome. It seemed like the least I could do. I'm happy the card brought you some comfort.

Lots of love....

Lots of love to you too and thanks again! :-D

[boobamiaow.livejournal.com]

awwww I'm really sorry to hear about this :( I can totally empathise with your feelings. I'm so glad you sought help and are finding your way through the tunnel. You're always so supportive whenever anyone else is struggling. You always offered an email shoulder to me when things were bad, so I gladly offer you the same courtesy :)

I'm in the same scenario with my job (which I have moaned about on here before). Do you have any sort of plan formulated as to seeeking another job? I know your dream is to write and mine is photography/art so it's very difficult to struggle on year after year in a desk job that sucks all your creativity out!

Sending you lots of love xxxxxx

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

awwww I'm really sorry to hear about this :( I can totally empathise with your feelings. I'm so glad you sought help and are finding your way through the tunnel. You're always so supportive whenever anyone else is struggling. You always offered an email shoulder to me when things were bad, so I gladly offer you the same courtesy :)

Thank you very much for your kind words, boobamiaow. Your compassion and support mean a lot. :-)

I'm in the same scenario with my job (which I have moaned about on here before). Do you have any sort of plan formulated as to seeeking another job? I know your dream is to write and mine is photography/art so it's very difficult to struggle on year after year in a desk job that sucks all your creativity out!

Well, my writing is definitely something I can only do in my free time, though I might look into professional writing at some point. I would need to see what kind of programs/courses are available. At the moment, I just need to get out of this job and away from this company. *g* My first steps have been to re-familiarize myself with things like resumes (CVs) and cover letters. I've found this website (http://www.quintcareers.com/) extremely useful. I've also joined sites like linkedin (http://www.linkedin.com/) and Workopolis (http://www.workopolis.com/EN/Common/HomePage.aspx) and have posted my resume online. Such sites are good because you can join communities that have information and tips about your area of interest. You can also get job alerts sent to your inbox. To be honest, I haven't come across any useful job alerts yet. I've been searching online for Toronto publishers and making note of the ones accepting resumes. In fact, I have to try sending another resume and cover letter off tonight and do a bit more research. If I find I’m not getting anywhere on my own (and I know it can be a lengthy process) then I might go to a career counselor.

In your case, you might want to look into what photography courses/programs might be available as this would definitely give you an advantage if you're serious about pursuing such a career. I would also talk to people who are already in the field and see what they did. The great thing about social media is that there are so many communities for specific fields and interests. I bet you could easily find some on photography. In fact, on linkedin (http://www.linkedin.com/), I've seen posts in publishing forums in which people ask for career advice.

Sending you lots of love xxxxxx

And the same back to you, boobamiaow! Thanks again and good luck with your own pursuits! :-D

[boobamiaow.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the late reply|! I know that I'm still wrestling with being in a job I dislike (but love the people I work with (not managers though)) versus wanting a job that means something. I'm in a pharma company and it's a massive global multi billion dollar company and I get sick of reading about profits and market share and how we must get moremoremore. I really want to work for a non profit charity, but of course the wages for those Comapnies are very low :( therein lies the dilema. Also it would mean commuting as no charity jobs near me.

I'm not sure it's even possible to make a living doing something creative these days as the market is so saturated. There are 1000s of amazing photographers so I'm trying to think of other things (merging art/photography). My job makes me feel blah so I have no creative energy. It's a hamster wheel haha!

I'm glad you're finding some useful websites and feeling motivated to send out cvs etc.

xxxxx

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Well, I think the most important thing is that you have an outlet for your creative energy. If photography is your passion then keep at it and don't worry about whether you can make it into a career or not. Of course, as it's something you love, it wouldn't hurt to see what avenues are available. For example, digital publishing has been growing steadily. There might be writers looking for photographers/artists for covers, etc. That's why I figure it doesn't hurt to see what other photographers are doing.

I wish you had better news on the non-profit charity front. Maybe you could find a company that supports charitable works, even if it isn't a non-profit organization. You might consider paying a visit to a career counsellor. It costs money but such a service might give you some very useful guidance and advice.

[pyrateanny.livejournal.com]

Hi, Rusty!

My apologies for being so late to see this post. [I'm hardly ever on LJ.] I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time. But it sounds as if you're well on the way to sorting it all out. I'm so pleased to hear that you've been inspired to start working on your original fiction again! In the meantime, if you ever feel you need some, ahem, "musical therapy" *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*, a sympathetic virtual ear via e-mail, or a night drowning your sorrows in a local pub, I'm at your disposal!

Be well, dear friend!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

No apologies necessary! In fact, I'm the one who should apologize as you basically heard the first half the story, but never heard the end of it. And it's not as if you didn't enquire after my health in a couple of emails. Unfortunately, I think the topic always came up within rather lengthy threads that I, uh, didn't quite manage to answer... *g* In any case, I'm sorry you had to find out about it here when I should have informed you privately. It wasn't something I kept from you deliberately.

Thank you very much for the offer of a sympathetic ear and an opportunity to drown my sorrows. It's very much appreciated. :-) Of course, the "musical therapy" is very much appreciated as well! ;-)

[karen9.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit behind with lj so my apologies for not commenting sooner.

First:*BIG SQUISHY HUGS.* I'm so glad that you're feeling so much better. I hope you can soon find a job that will make you happier.

I had picked up that something was wrong because I occasionally look at my lj friends' friends pages. I think you have great self-control rather than denial! I understand about depression because I inherited it from my mother. I've suffered four major bouts, the last two taking me to the point of not wanting to live, and I've stayed on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicines since the last major one. In 2007 finding friends on lj actually helped me enormously! And writing, with which you really encouraged me. With the last two bouts I saw a therapist for some time and a psychiatrist to get the right medicine. So, yes, one has to get professional help and I'm glad you did.

I'm pleased you're making progress with your original fiction. I know you'll get it done and I hope you'll share it with us.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit behind with lj so my apologies for not commenting sooner.

Oh, please don't apologize, karen9! I know how easy it is to fall behind with your flist (as I'm often behind myself) and it's not as if there's a deadline for comments. I always love to hear from you -- no matter when. :-)

First:*BIG SQUISHY HUGS.* I'm so glad that you're feeling so much better. I hope you can soon find a job that will make you happier.

Oh, thank you! *BIG SQUISHY HUGS* to you too! :-D I'm definitely feeling better and trying to stay positive about the job search.

I had picked up that something was wrong because I occasionally look at my lj friends' friends pages.

I'm not surprised that you picked up on that, even without the aid of friends' friends pages. You're very perceptive and empathetic. :-) And I know I wasn't posting much of anything while this was going on, though I did try to comment on what other people posted. Actually, reading other people's posts provided some comfort and a welcome distraction.

I think you have great self-control rather than denial!

I don't know if that's true, but it's very kind of you to say it. :-)

I understand about depression because I inherited it from my mother. I've suffered four major bouts, the last two taking me to the point of not wanting to live, and I've stayed on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicines since the last major one.

I'm so very sorry to hear that. It was bad enough suffering through one bout, so I can only imagine what four were like, especially if the last two left you feeling suicidal. That was what really scared me. I'd never felt that low before. In any case, I'm glad to hear that you got through those bouts of depression. I hope the anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications continue to help.

In 2007 finding friends on lj actually helped me enormously!

Oh, that's wonderful! It's good to know that finding new friends on LJ helped you get through such a tough time!

And writing, with which you really encouraged me.

And I'm very happy to hear that your writing also helped! I found (and continue to find) writing very therapeutic. It helped take me away from my cycle of negative thoughts and was a very effective distraction. It also helped give me a feeling of power and control when I felt really helpless about everything else.

BTW, I hope you'll get back into writing again some day because you're really talented! And, no, I'm not saying that to be polite. I really admired your ability for writing description (one of my weaknesses) in such beautiful language. You're also great at plotting: something that doesn't come easily to a lot of writers.

With the last two bouts I saw a therapist for some time and a psychiatrist to get the right medicine. So, yes, one has to get professional help and I'm glad you did.

I'm so glad you got professional help as well! It's amazing what a difference a therapist and/or psychiatrist can make. I now have great sympathy for anyone dealing with mental health issues, which is why I thought I should share my own experiences.

I'm pleased you're making progress with your original fiction. I know you'll get it done and I hope you'll share it with us.

Thank you very much! You've always been so encouraging and supportive of my writing! I'm more grateful than I can say! :-D I'm hoping to get my original fiction published, even if it's self-published. Actually, as it's a bit out there, I think it probably will be self-published. However, I'm still weighing my options. Of course, it would help if I actually finished writing the damn thing. *g* Anywaaaaaaaay, I'll certainly send you a copy of it once it's done.

[karen9.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kindness as always, though I only meant to share my experiences to show you that you're not alone and people do understand.

BTW, I hope you'll get back into writing again some day because you're really talented! And, no, I'm not saying that to be polite. I really admired your ability for writing description (one of my weaknesses) in such beautiful language. You're also great at plotting: something that doesn't come easily to a lot of writers.

Thank you. This means a lot to me, though I seem to have lost my inspiration.

I realised that I unthinkingly asked you to share your original work as if it was fanfic! Apologies! It's a pity we no longer have those wonderful magazines with short stories and novels in series that Conan Doyle, P. G. Wodehouse and others had their work published in, such as the Saturday Evening Post. A friend on mine self-published a couple of long stories through Amazon, but I really think you should send your work to proper publishers. I look forward to buying a copy!

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kindness as always, though I only meant to share my experiences to show you that you're not alone and people do understand.

It's very much appreciated, karen9. It means a lot to me that you would share your experiences in order to make me feel better. :-)

BTW, I hope you'll get back into writing again some day because you're really talented! And, no, I'm not saying that to be polite. I really admired your ability for writing description (one of my weaknesses) in such beautiful language. You're also great at plotting: something that doesn't come easily to a lot of writers.

Thank you. This means a lot to me, though I seem to have lost my inspiration.

I hope you get it back. I know I've gone through periods where I couldn't write, so this may just be temporary. Don't lose hope yet, okay? I'm sure your muse will return. :-)

I realised that I unthinkingly asked you to share your original work as if it was fanfic! Apologies!

No, no, it's absolutely okay. No apologies necessary. I was actually hoping to send it to some friends to get some feedback (once it's finally done), so I would be honoured if you'd considered being one of my guinea pigs. :-)

[funkyinfishnet.livejournal.com]

All the love from me and Anthony *hugs*, both of us have quite dark depressive mood swings - Winston Churchill called his depression 'the black dog' and that's what it feels like, haunting your steps and refusing to leave you alone. Anthony had a dark night of the soul the other night, breaking down and crying for a while because he's so scared about his Dad's Parkinsons and because he has times when he feels like he's literally utterly useless and can do nothing right. I have times when all I can do is cry. But you're right, talking to someone is super important and I'm glad you found an outlet. I'm always here if you need anything, you're uber important and special to me *squishy hugs* <3

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, funkyinfishnet! Lots of love and *hugs* to both you and Anthony as well! :-D I'm sorry you guys suffer from dark depressive mood swings. Winston Churchill certainly got it right when he described it as being "the black dog". I don't blame Anthony for being scared. And it's hard not to give into depression and/or anxiety when you're feeling so helpless and afraid. I hope he'll consider talking to someone if he finds all of this too difficult to get through on his own. There's no shame in it considering what he's facing. Of course, there's no shame in crying either. Sometimes, it can provide a necessary release. However, in my case, I was crying every day, which goes way beyond catharsis.

It's very kind of you to offer a sympathetic ear! I hope you''ll also feel free to email me if you ever need to talk because you're also uber important and special to me! :-D

[fengirl88.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm very sorry to hear you've had such a rough time, but I am so glad that you were able to talk to your doctor and get help, and that you are starting to feel more like yourself again. it is so important to be able to seek help when you need it - and to get it, of course.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

*hugs aussi* Thank you very much for your kind words, fengirl88! :-) The main reason I shared all of this was because I wanted people to know that they shouldn't suffer alone, that they should get help if they need it. Thankfully, I had enough sense to talk to my doctor and start working through my problems.

[sorne.livejournal.com]

HUGS! Man! I can SOOO relate to that hiding in the corner, and I'm really glad to hear that things are going better. And let's be honest, I'm full of admiration for your courage in tackling this issue, and especially for sharing it with us. I'm also full of guilt as you've been dealing so well with all the AF admin while I've been hiding in my own corner for much less good reason.....(I suppose I should do a post really). Thank you Rusty :)

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

HUGS! Man! I can SOOO relate to that hiding in the corner, and I'm really glad to hear that things are going better.

Oh, no! I'm sorry you're able to relate! I hope things are going better for you too! *HUGS in return*

And let's be honest, I'm full of admiration for your courage in tackling this issue, and especially for sharing it with us.

That's very kind of you to say! To be honest, I don't feel very courageous, but I felt it was only right to share my experiences in case I could help anyone in a similar situation. Unfortunately, there's still a stigma attached to mental illness, and a lot of people keep their problems to themselves when they should be seeking help.

I'm also full of guilt as you've been dealing so well with all the AF admin while I've been hiding in my own corner for much less good reason.....(I suppose I should do a post really). Thank you Rusty :)

Oh, no! Please don't feel guilty about that! Taking care of the AF admin was actually a very helpful distraction. It allowed me to focus on something other than my own problems. And it's not as if there's been a lot of work involved. It's pretty simple most of the time. Oh, and because I've been involved with the AF admin, I've found myself attending more chats, which has been great because I've had a chance to get to know some really nice people. :-)

Of course, we're always happy to see you post, but don't force yourself to do so if you don't feel like it. Post when you've got the time and energy. :-)

[tazzles.livejournal.com]

*HUG*
It's awfully brave of you to share this. I'm glad that you were able to start working your way through this. Good luck.
And good luck with your original fiction project.

[rusty-armour.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much, tazzles! Your kind words and good wishes are very much appreciated! :-D